Page 84 of Finding Jess

Jess sniffled, wiping a hand across her nose as she rifled through papers and folders in her bag.

“Jess,” Sam said, reaching forward to stop her hand.

Jess paused, her eyes flicking down to where Sam’s hand rested on hers.

“I’m sorry,” Sam rushed, anxiety flitting through her bones. “I—I want to help. I want to fix this.”

Jess turned toward her, releasing an exasperated huff. “I said it’s fine—”

“It’snotfine,” Sam cut in, the anxiety spilling out from the cut Jess’ frustrated tone left in her chest. She couldn’t handle that. She couldn’t handle Jess being upset with her. Not when she knew it was her fault.

Jess’ phone buzzed where it sat on the table in front of them, but she didn’t so much as glance in its direction.

“I don’t know what you want. Just tell me what you want me to say.” The words scrambled out of her in a frantic frenzy as her brain searched for a solution. Anything that would make Jess okay. Anything that would make thingsbetween themokay again. “Tell me what you want—”

“I want to stop worrying about you!” Jess snapped. She whipped her head up, eyes blazing as they locked onto Sam’s. “I want to stop feeling crazy for still thinking about you every time I hear a motorcycle go by, or I watch a show with some softwareengineer in it. I want to stop wondering if it’s you every time Scarlett laughs at a text on her phone.” Exasperation filled every inch of her features. Like just saying the words out loud was a heartbreaking task. “Fuck, Sam, after all these years, I just want you to give me a reason to stop loving you!”

The swirling thoughts in her mind came to an abrupt halt.

Sam blinked, staring at the mix of intense frustration and despair in Jess’ eyes.

The phone began buzzing again, and it was the only thing that pulled her from the circling thought. But again, Jess was either completely oblivious or choosing to ignore it.

Sam swallowed, the words turning over in her mind.

Jess glanced away, shaking her head slightly. “You broke my heart four years ago.”

A tight twinge of pain crossed through Sam’s chest.

“And I know nothing’s changed,” Jess scoffed. “I’m not stupid. You’re the same person you were then. You want the same things. I know there’s nothing that can work between us.” She swallowed, shaking her head as she glanced down at their hands together. “But still, even knowing that—even with everything that’s happened—all I can think about right now is how you’re holding my hand.” Jess squeezed her eyes shut, releasing a breath. “And how terrible it feels to not want you to let go.”

Sam looked down at where their hands stayed intertwined.

She’d felt it too. The same want—the sameneed—to be touching her. Like letting go would break something inside her.

Something that could never be fixed.

“I don’t want to let go,” Sam whispered.

She looked back up at Jess, whose lips parted slightly as her eyes widened with a mix of surprise and—something else.

Jess shifted, their faces becoming dangerously close. Closer than any friends would be.

Every muscle in Sam’s body stilled as Jess raised a slow, careful hand up to cup the side of her neck.

Then, ever so slowly, she ran her fingers a few inches up into her hairline before dragging them back down.

Sam’s eyes fluttered closed as she leaned just a fraction into the soothing touch.

And even though she knew she needed to pull back—that the reasons they’d ended the last time hadn’t changed—it felt impossible in that moment. Like Jess was the magnet that pulled her in, no matter how far apart they were.

She released a tight breath, opening her eyes. And Jess was watching her, anguish etched throughout her soft features. But behind it was pure, unrelentingwant.

Want that Sam had seen in her many times before. More than she could ever possibly count.

Although, she’d wondered if she’d ever be lucky enough to see it again in her lifetime.

“I know I shouldn’t,” Jess whispered, the words barely escaping her lips, “but if I don’t kiss you right now—” Sam swallowed, her pulse instantly sprinting through her body. “I think I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

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