Page 49 of Finding Jess

“You know, you could’ve just told me you wanted to hang out and talk,” she said quietly. “We’re friends. You don’t need an excuse to call me.”

Sam’s eyes flitted up, finding Jess’ once again. A memory floated into her mind. One she’d pushed down, far away.

And even though she knew she shouldn’t say it aloud—that bringing up their past wasn’t a good idea—she couldn’t help herself.

“I called you once.”

Jess stilled, but Sam could tell by the look in her eyes that she knew exactly what she was referring to. Still, she felt the need to continue.

“A year after—” Sam paused, swallowing. “After I left New York.”

A muscle flickered in Jess’ jaw, and her eyes fell to her lap as she whispered, “I know.”

She knew why Jess hadn’t answered. She hadn’t even really expected her to. But still, she just needed to say it out loud and know once and for all that Jess knew she’d at least tried. Even if it was just one phone call.

“You didn’t pick up,” Sam said, barely above a whisper.

Jess sighed, closing her eyes. “I know.”

Silence fell between them once more, and after a few moments, Sam knew that Jess wouldn’t say anything more.

“I’m sorry,” Sam said, releasing a deep breath. “I know I should’ve just called and asked to talk. It’s just—” She paused, shaking her head slightly. “I guess I still don’t really know how to navigate this wholefriendsthing while you’re—” She swallowed, the next words feeling odd in her mouth. “With someone.”

“I know the feeling,” Jess muttered. Sam waited for her to elaborate, not exactly knowing what she meant by that. But instead, Jess just shook her head lightly before continuing. “But it’s the same as it always was.”

Sam smirked, shooting her a look. “Well, I wouldn’t say it’s exactly like it was.”

Jess broke out into a laugh, her cheeks turning a light pink. “You know what I mean.”

Sam chuckled, grinning as the weight of the words she’d spoken a few moments before began to ease.

“I’m glad we can be friends again though,” she said, the wide grin on her lips relaxing into a soft smile. “Even if it’s hard to get used to with things being—different.”

Jess looked back at her, a serious expression pulling through her gaze. “Did you not think we would ever be friends again?”

Sam held her gaze.

It’d taken her so long to even allow herself to think about Jess after they’d ended things in New York. And then, in those rare moments when she finally had, those thoughts held no speck of optimism. They couldn’t. It almost felt like a matter of survival. Because if she did let herself think—or believe—that they could be something to each other again, then she’d question the choices she’d made that led her to leaving in the first place.

And she couldn’t afford that. She couldn’t afford for any seeds of doubt to seep in.

Doubt is the enemy to success. The enemy of everything she’d worked for.

“I don’t know,” she answered honestly.

Jess’ gaze flicked away, her expression shifting ever so slightly—just enough for Sam to see the answer she’d given wasn’t satisfactory in some way.

But before she could ask why, Jess’ phone vibrated on the table, pulling their attention away.

Jess glanced down, her brows pinching together as she picked it up, swiping the screen with a small frown.

Sam looked away, taking a slow sip of her coffee while she waited.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Jess muttered, already rising from her seat.

She stood from the seat, raising the phone to her ear as she walked toward the front door and out onto the sidewalk.

Sam watched her for a moment before opening her laptop. A handful of new messages had come through in the short time they’d been talking. She released a deep exhale through her nose, opening the most recent one.

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