Page 99 of Where There's Smoke

I swallowed the beer and closed my eyes. No wonder I’d needed to get away from Jesse for an hour or two. I’d needed a little while to get my feet back under me, and just thinking about him and talking about him, I still hadn’t regained any sense of balance. And as much as I enjoyed Slade’s company, I caught myself craving Jesse’s presence. Even if we couldn’t touch or look at each other like we meant it or admit we’d ever been anything other than platonic and professional, being around him made sense. It worked. Blood pressure be damned, I wanted to be sitting in a bar with Jesse, bantering over drinks like it didn’t matter who noticed.

My gut sank as I glanced around the room. God, what I wouldn’t have given to be able to be with Jesse like this. Out in public, right in view of anyone who cared to look, without dodging cameras or worrying about images. Even if someone bothered to whisper behind their hand or quietly wonder if the two men at this table weretogether…you know, liketogether, their speculation wouldn’t go beyond their own conversation. By the time they left and went back to their lives outside this restaurant, we’d be forgotten. Blessed by the discretion that comes with anonymity.

Between now and the end of the election, there was no way in hell Jesse and I could do this. And after the election, then what? Even after he was divorced, as long as he had a career in politics, our relationship demanded a certain level of secrecy.

“Fun secret to keep, isn’t it?”he’d asked the night I brought up being a skeleton in someone’s closet.

“Ooh, yeah,”I’d said, rolling my eyes.“Loads of fun. That’s part of why I’ve been single for so long. When you work in or around politics, it’s usually advisable to keep things like this under the radar, and most guys get tired of being another man’s dirty secret. Believe me, that novelty wears offquick.”

And when Jesse had flinched, so had I.

“That’s not what I meant,”I’d said.

“Still, we can’t exactly broadcast this. If you want to jump ship before—”

I’d cut him off with a kiss, and when we broke away, I’d whispered,“The only problem I’m going to have with keeping this quiet is making sure no one hears me when you make me come.”

I’d meant it. Every word of it. But sitting here in a sparsely crowded bar with Slade, anonymous and unnoticed, I couldn’t quite muster the enthusiasm I’d put behind the words that night.

“Hey. Hunter.” Slade waved a hand in front of my face, and I jumped.

“Huh?” I shook my head. “Shit, sorry. I spaced out, I guess.”

He smiled. “Can’t imagine why. You’re so adorable when you’re in love, you know that?”

I laughed, but it took effort. A lot of effort. Just breathing took a hell of a lot of effort when my thoughts weighed down on my lungs like this. “Yeah, well.” I shrugged and reached for my beer. “Guess we’ll see how things go with him. So what’s new with you, besides getting your hands on Eric Grove?”

Slade mercifully went with the subject change, and for at least a little while, I could breathe.

Chapter 20

Jesse

“You are so fuckingcute when you’re jealous.”

I glared at Ranya. “Jealous? What are you talking about?”

She quirked an eyebrow. “So I’m just imagining that scowl? And it’s just coincidentally occurring while you’re thinking about your man sharing drinks with another man a few blocks away?”

I gritted my teeth and tried not to think about Anthony and Slade hunched over beers and their history. And I tried not to think about the fact that we had never really laid down any kind of parameters for our relationship. Sex, of course. A lot of sex. But monogamy? Shit, I wasmarried. Not actively, but married nonetheless, and neither Anthony nor I had ever said anything about not sleeping with anyone else. And so I tried not to think about the hotels between here and wherever those two were, and all the things he could do with a clear conscience, and how much they’d probably already done in a past life, and okay, so maybe I was a little bit fucking jealous.

I ran my fingertip up and down the stem of my wineglass. “Fine. But don’t tell me you wouldn’t be jealous right about now.”

She shrugged. “Of course I would. Never said I wouldn’t.”

“Think Slade’s really an ‘old friend’?”

“If by ‘old friend’ he means ex-boyfriend, sure.”

I pursed my lips. As I picked up my wineglass, though, I rolled my shoulders to break up some of the tension that had been accumulating since I’d lost sight of Anthony and Slade. “Well, they obviously get along. Must not have been a bad breakup.”

Ranya nodded. “I’ve always admired people who get along so well with their exes.”

“You’re not friends with any of yours?”

“Oh my fucking God, no. There’s a reason we’re not together anymore, you know.”

“Yeah, but sometimes things just don’t work out romantically,” I said. “Doesn’t mean you can’t be friends.”

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