Page 131 of Where There's Smoke

My heart dropped. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not angry about you and him. I didn’t mean what I said this morning. I know things with us are over, and we agreed we could see other people. And I know you’re happy with Anthony. God, I can see it every time you look at him. But…”

I smoothed her hair. “What?”

“I didn’t realize how hard it would be to be constantly reminded that I’m not the one you want.” She wriggled a little, so I lifted my arm to let her move. Then she rolled onto her back. I propped myself up and brushed a few strands of hair off her damp cheek.

She reached up to touch my face. “You’re gay. You’re with Anthony now. I know all of that, but none of that changes how I feel about you.”

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, and words had never felt so damned useless.

“And when it comes to the election, it’s…it’s just…” She pressed her lips together and avoided my eyes, and her whole body trembled like she was trying that hard not to cry again.

I pulled her closer to me, holding her carefully. “Tell me, sweetheart. Whatever it is.”

She took a deep breath and rested her head against my chest. “It’s just that every time I have to go out there and play the happy wife, it hurts so, so bad. But that isn’t even the worst part. Even what they say, that I’ve hurt you like Julie hurts Chris, isn’t the worst of it.”

I swallowed hard, struggling to keep it together. “What is?”

Simone released an unsteady breath. “The worst part is knowing you have to fake it. Because the thing is, I’m not faking it. I’m pretending to be happy, but the rest of it…it’s not an act. And I…” She pulled in another long, ragged breath and wiped her eyes. “God, Jesse, I can’t tell you how much I want you to love me the way you do in front of the cameras.”

Holy fuck, nothing she’d ever said, not even all those times when she lashed out without thinking, cut that deep. And how could I blame her?

“Do you know what kind of hell this has been?” she whispered. “I’ve been putting on this fucking act that isn’t an act, and then the media still tears me apart and tries to blame me for everything. God, Jesse, they’re saying Ihurtyou! Physically. I could never—” She covered her mouth, closing her eyes as a few fresh tears slid down her cheeks.

“I know you wouldn’t.”

“Every time they ask me questions,” she went on, “I just want to tell them the truth. That I would never hurt you and I would never cheat on you, and it hurts like hell knowing I’ll never be able to have a baby with you.”

The lump in my throat rose with every word she said, and what could I say? How could I possibly fix any of this?

“I can’t make you happy,” she went on. “And I know this career, this is what you need. It’s what will make you happy. And I’ve tried, Jesse. I’ve tried so hard to help you, so maybe I could be part of something that made you happy, but…” She exhaled and wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry, Jesse.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” I smoothed her hair. “If I had known in the beginning how much all of this would hurt you, I never would have put you through it. I swear it. I knew it wouldn’t be easy for either of us, but this…” I closed my eyes and kissed the top of her head. “Jesus, I had no idea things would turn out like this.”

Simone said nothing.

After a long, long silence, she drew back and looked up at me. “What do we do now?”

I swallowed. “I don’t know. But I promise you, I’ll do whatever I can to stop this. I’m tired of the way they’ve treated you, and I’ve already doneenough to hurt you myself.” I lifted her chin with two fingers. “I’ll do something about this, Simone, I promise. I just can’t promise it’ll be overnight. Can you have faith in me? Just a little while longer?”

Simone nodded, and I held her gaze, hoping to God this was one vow I could actually keep.

Taking a deep breath, she touched my face with a cool, unsteady hand. “Can I ask you something?”

I nodded. “Of course. Anything.”

“And you’ll answer me honestly?”

Another nod.

Simone moistened her lips. “Did you ever love me?”

“Oh, Simone.” I brushed another tear from her cheek with my thumb. “I will always love you.”

“That’s not what I mean,” she said. “I mean, did you ever…loveme?”

I swallowed, forcing back the ache in my throat.

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