Page 39 of When the Angel Falls First

It simply wasn’t an option.

The cruel irony that to be worthy of her I had to put her aside was like a knife twisting in my gut, and I couldn’t see any way around it.

Fifteen more minutes of wallowing wouldn’t fix it, though, so I dragged my sorry hide out of bed and into a lukewarm shower. I needed the discomfort to get myself moving.

By the time the sun was fully up, I was clean, dressed, and had found the day’s couple. Jonathan and Kim had seemed like a simple match on the surface, but they’d proven otherwise over the years.

They had similar socioeconomic, political, and religious backgrounds. They were both only children who wanted to have a large family. They even had similar taste in movies.

And yet, I could not get the two of them together to save myself. I was mentally watching Jonathan grocery shop andKim teach a toddler gymnastics class when a rapid-fire knock sounded at my door.

Josie.

Her aura was amplified, the energy so loud it was leaking around the tiny cracks between my front door and the frame. Dread filled me as I crossed the space, but I tried to force a lid on the emotion.

It had been her idea to have a fake relationship; all I had to do now was honor that request. She didn’t know much about an angel’s Chosen; so she wouldn’t understand how significant she was to me. That was one small pain I could keep from her, at least.

I pulled the door open and found her beaming on the other side, her voice intent as though she’d been up for hours. “Good morning!”

The wave of arousal that hit me when I opened the door was nearly enough to take me to my knees. I resisted the urge to shake myself as panic swamped me. I couldn’t let this go any further than the kiss; I had to put the brakes on this relationship, once and for all.

I didn’t want to consider the horrors that a fallen, twisted cupid could wreak on humanity over a millennium.

“I thought you’d already be at the shop.”

She tucked a bouncy curl behind her ear, a flush staining her cheeks. “I was, yes, but I had to see you because… because today feels special.”

“Special? Oh! Because the party went well?” I smiled, her enthusiasm contagious, but I didn’t let her in. I needed the space to keep myself from getting too caught up.

“Exactly,” she gushed. “It was… more than I ever dared hope.”

Shit on a stick.I sucked in a deep breath through my nose,and instantly regretted it. Her arousal was heady, thick and sweet on the air. I wanted to drag her into my apartment, spread her out on my bed, and impale her with my cock. The way she smelled, the way her auraglowed, she’d not only let me, she’d beg me.

Fuck me sideways. I knew in that instant that there was only one honorable thing to do, even if it killed me. I had to use my powers to dampen that arousal, before things got out of control.

Regret burned inside me as I let the power out in a slow, miniscule trickle. Even it was reluctant, that power that usually leapt at my every command to create love and lust.

I had to keep her talking until it could take effect. “I’m so glad. I know you were uncomfortable with the idea of a fake date, but it all seemed to work out well. And thank goodness that’s over now, right? I hope you weren’t too embarrassed by the kiss, but that was the only way I could think of to sell it.” I forced a very fake smile, knowing she’d see right through it.

She bit her bottom lip, searching my face intently. “No, I wasn’t embarrassed, not at all.”

My power still wasn’t cooperating, but the rosy flush of her need was starting to dim, turning hazy black around the edges. Why was it turningblack? I’d never seen that color before, and panic started to well in my chest. Was I hurting her?

Sheseemedfine. Confused, but fine. Was it because I was acting against my primary directive as a cupid, toencouragelove?

I didn’t know, but I couldn’t risk hurting her by using my powers in a way they weren’t meant to be used. I eased off, letting the flow of power stop. I’d have to put her off the old-fashioned way, and the thought wasn’t any more appealing.

“Good, I’m glad. We hadn’t had a chance to talk about itbefore, but I was a little worried that you might have thought it was too far. Especially given our history. I promise you, though, it wasallto put on a show for your parents. But your Nana was thrilled, and even Fred wants to come to the Bookish Cat. So, all’s well that ends well, I suppose. Luckily, we won’t have to do that again, right, old pal?” I pretend-punched her on the shoulder like we were old drinking buddies, barely making contact. Yet still, she stumbled back as if I’d put my weight into it and slugged her.

Or just hurt her feelings like a prick.

I hated myself for every word, but the longer she spent with me, the more off track her life was getting. I had to protect her, even from me. Especially from me.

I helped patch up a dozen other old family wounds, but she probably won’t notice those for some time. That’s all I can do; try to leave her better off than I found her.

“I—Yes. Exactly. That was always the goal.” She smiled again, but this time it was her smile that didn’t reach the eyes. A knife to my ribs would have been more pleasant. “You fulfilled your role excellently. I just wanted to come by and say thank you for all your help. That’s it.”

“Of course. You know that’s my life’s work, helping others.”

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