Page 57 of Merciless Attraction

“I get my heart broken by my ex who broke into the home I grew up in. When he attacks me, I shoot him in self-defense. But because I made the mistake of believing he was dead, I don’t get to finish what I’ve started because you said so?”

“Don’t twist it like that, Gemma. You have no idea—”

“He used me! That asshole used me to get close to my brothers and when I didn’t give him what he wanted, he invaded my personal space. He invaded the place I called home. He followed me across the country and continues to invade my fucking space. He tried to kill me, and I don’t have a say in taking him down now?”

“No,” Antonio states with finality. He’s not going to budge on this and I can feel that. The way his knuckles turn a shade of white as he grips the hell out of the steering wheel reveal enough.

“Fine, then since this is all over, I’ll arrange to have my stuff moved back to my apartment,” I tell him.

I think he’s going to break the steering wheel as I hear it crack under his grip. “Fine.”

He doesn’t fight me. He doesn’t try to stop me.

Antonio’s silent anger is suffocating in the car and I’m grateful once we reach his condo. However, he doesn’t speak as he begins gathering my things from his office. He’s moving furiously until everything is sitting on the counter.

“I’ll grab the cart from the lobby and help you put this stuff in your car,” he says and walks out.

My heart is racing because I didn’t want this to escalate into me leaving, but my pride won’t let me sit this out. Everything that has happened to us, to him, to me, it’s all my fault. I’ve been out of commission for two fucking months and they’re not going to take this moment from me. I want to be the one to end Steve. I want to be the one to fix the problem I caused. Why won’t Antonio understand that?

I refuse to be the one to convince him and surrender to what’s happening. I don’t deserve love anyway.

Not only does Antonio help me load my car, but he follows me all the way home and helps bring my things inside my small one-bedroom apartment. When he puts the last box down, I’m still at a loss for words.

Antonio, however, stops in front of me, seemingly calm as he says, “I love you, Gemma. I don’t want Steve to succeed in his plan. He’s already come close. Please stay away from this.”

I understand where he’s coming from but my silence is enough to tell him that’s a promise I can’t make. He leans down to kiss me, but when I don’t lean into it, he sighs and places a chaste one on my cheek.

The sound of Antonio walking out of my front door shouldn’t feel like he’s walking out of my life, but it does. It’s not until the following week I get a chance to tell Natalie everything. She’s been actively avoiding her parents, and she changes her numbers as often as she feels necessary. I have to wait until she calls me as she and Damian aren’t in the same room.

“Don’t be sad, Gem,” Natalie’s words are ripe with pity. “It’s going to be okay. You guys are trauma bonding and now the trauma is subsiding, you have to confront if what you’re feeling is real.”

“He said he loved me, but then jumped to move me back into my place.”

Natalie tips her head to the side with an inquisitive glare in her eyes. “From everything you’ve told me, Gemma, that’s not what happened. You almost died because we fucked something up back in New York. When Antonio said you couldn’t actively try to rectify this, you got upset and told him to help you move back home.”

“But Nat—”

She cuts me off. “On top of that, he practically served you his heart on a dish and you threw it out the window. It sounds like you used Antonio protecting you from your past as a reason to run from your feelings. He’s only doing what you asked him to do.”

“I’m not asking you to be reasonable, I’m asking you to be my friend.”

She giggles and sighs. “Fine. Oh no. How dare he not fight for you to stay somewhere you actually said you no longer want to stay? He’s a horrible, terrible, no good for you manly man doctor man.”

“Fuck you,” I laugh. “Thank you for the perspective. It’s going to be hard for me to let this go, but I’ll try.”

We talk until we fall asleep with both our screens staring up at the ceiling. The days continue to pass and I’m actively trying to look for a job. I have an obscene amount of money in my bank account that I’m sure is from my brothers, but I want to go back to taking care of myself. I won’t spend that cash frivolously as I intend to give every dime of it back.

The day of my appointment arrives and while Antonio and I aren’t on the best terms, he still reached out to ask if I wanted a ride. My emotions war with me, but I don’t want to keep pushing him away. I agree to lunch after I finish so he can be with my brothers while they go meet with Steve.

At my appointment, the sterile environment triggers memories of my deep sleep. I detest the other word for it and have scrubbed it from my memory because it’s just another thing on the list of things Steve’s done to me.

A physician’s assistant comes in before I see the doctor. She has a cheery disposition which matches the endless sunny days of California life. Her smile is bright and wide as she tells me, “Everything looks good. Do you have the information for your gynecologist? I don’t have it on file.”

“Not yet. I have one in New York, and figured I wouldn’t have to worry about it until my annual exam. I didn’t intend on being stuck in this place for two months, so it kind of slipped my mind. Why?”

“I wanted to know where to forward your records.”

“My records?” I ask. “I guess you can send it to Dr. Camilla Canella of the Canella Medical Group. She did my last STD testing, but I don’t understand what my gynecologist would do with my records since I was unconscious.”

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