“Should we turn on the news?” Gemma asks with a sip from her glass and desperate to change the subject.

“Are you hellbent on seeing if my handiwork washed up on shore?” I shift away from telling Gemma every emotion I felt in those days leading up to her graduation dinner.

“Or to see if mine did,” she lets out a sodden exhale with a mild shake of her head.

I reach over to rub her leg which ignites my need to touch her. I resist my sexual urges and opt to move my hands down to pull one of her feet into my hands. She moans as I gently push my thumb against the soles and rubbing small circles.

“I don’t want to be bothered with what’s going on in the world. I’m happy to be right here with you.”

Chapter 15: Gemma

Dinner, wine, and Antonio’s hands stroking my feet has me ready to close my eyes and drift off to sleep. The slight pressure of his fingertips against my skin lulls me into a space of pure relaxation. It sends my mind reeling into the depths of questions I have for Antonio.

I willfully ignore him bringing up the kiss from the night of my graduation dinner. I don’t want to dig into my emotions, my crush, my attraction to Antonio. If I think about it, it’s only going to remind me that love and relationships aren’t useful. I don’t want to think about what comes after we stop pretending to be engaged.

“You’re so good at everything.” I moan as he massages my feet.

The adolescent fantasies of my juvenile crush on Antonio will not sway me into falling madly in love because he’s my savior during this time of turmoil. I want him to want me because he wants me, not because he’s mandated by my brother to look after me while Bash seemingly fixes my mess.

Once everything is said and done, I know Antonio’s going to bury himself in his work with the hope of getting his job back. He should have never quit because of his situation with me, but I don’t know everything that led to his resignation. With him focused on his career, I can get back to my life where I don’t depend on my brothers for their help.

I crave independence in a way that isn’t linked to what my family does, legally or not. It’s one of the things Natalie and I have in common. We want freedom, because once you’re beholden to someone inLa Familia,your life belongs to them.

My brothers had me under their thumb because they kept me safe in New York. Out here, across the country, I thought I could start new. It never fails that when you try to get out of this life, something happens to drag you back in.

“What made you decide to become a doctor?” I ask Antonio, desperate to get my mind out of the spiral of questions regarding my future; or our future together.

“I know the perfect answer is to say my father got sick, and I wanted to figure out a way to cure his illness. But the reality is someone got stabbed coming to my defense.”

“Oh my god, what happened?” I ask him, my pulse racing at whatever he may admit next.

“It was my first week inside and someone didn’t believe I was protected. I was attacked and was losing, badly. Someone your family paid found me and stopped it from going any further, but they were stabbed in the process. I helped pack their wound and stabilize them until they were able to get to the infirmary.”

“Shit, I’m so sorry Antonio.”

“It’s par for the course. I committed a crime and went to prison. Getting hurt or getting into a fight was inevitable. Especially with how young I was.”

I pull my feet out of his hands to sit up and ask, “How did your case get kicked out of juvenile court?”

He reaches for his glass and takes a sip from his wine glass. Antonio’s gaze shifts to the TV, playing silently, and avoids locking eyes with me as he speaks. “The place we burnt belonged to another family. They used their juice to get me charged as an adult. Your father used his juice to make sure I was protected as much as possible while I was inside. I’m actually grateful I got moved. Your family doesn’t have much juice in juvie.”

“That’s because our kids aren’t supposed to get locked up. Anyone that’s inLa Familiais supposed to be protected.”

He scoffs. “I’m not a part ofLa Familia,Gem. I’m a kid your folks looked after because I’m their oldest son’s best friend. I showed loyalty to Bash, and kept my mouth shut at trial. They did everything they possibly could for a kid not a part ofLa Familia.”

I lean into him, rubbing his thigh, and my voice barely above a whisper. “You deserve so much more.”

Antonio puts his glass on the table and turns slightly to face me. The strength of his hand sends shivers of desire down my body as he tugs me even closer to him. The hair from his goatee tickles my face as he whispers on my lips.

“La Familiaowes me nothing now that I have you.”

My eyes close just as he cements his words with a kiss. We fall into an easy rhythm of passion. The softness of his tongue sliding between my lips sends goosebumps trailing down my arms. The pleasure pooling between my thighs has me spreading my legs to give him room.

Antonio shifts his body over mine, grinding his hips against me as our kiss pushes us deeper into ecstasy. I can’t stop my hands from moving over his shoulders and to his back. The raised scar is uneven as I graze it with my nails. He sucks in a breath through clenching teeth as he stops our kiss.

In a matter of seconds, Antonio is on his feet, leading me up to his bedroom. Clothes seem to melt away in a flurry of sexual anticipation. It doesn’t take long to slide back into our moment of passion and even less time for Antonio to slide his cock inside of me. Neither of us have a care in the world as we lose ourselves in the bliss of each other’s touch.

Being with Antonio lets me forget about everything as he takes so much pleasure in making sure I come all over him. He’s attentive and leaves imprints of his masterful touch, ruining me for whoever comes after this. The idea of not being with Antonio is just as jarring as believing in the future we could have after this ruse is up.