Page 82 of When You Saved Me

Maybe it was selfish. Not wanting them to know quite yet… It was more so not having the strength to tell them that I’d chased off their daughter with my fears of losing her, only to have that fear become my near reality.

Maybe I should have called them already, but I just couldn’t do it yet.

I’d give myself one more day.

I just needed her to wake up before then.

During the morning and evening breaks I’d spentchecking on Casper, I’d finished the rest of Charlie’s bench. After a coat of stain and sealant, I’d placed it on the front porch. Right where she wanted it. I couldn’t wait to see her face when I finally got to bring her home and show her the work I’d done on it.

I couldn’t wait to hear her voice. For her laughter to fill up the space in the living room. To hold her beneath the blankets in front of the fireplace.

A knot lodged in my throat as I lifted her hand to my lips.

She’d asked me to open up for her. To let her in. It was about time I tried.

“I told you about the friend I lost overseas. The one who loved doing puzzles. But what I didn’t tell you is that there were three more guys after him. My closest friends. Guys I’d known since basic training, and we all got lucky enough to go all the way together.

“Bryant was the funniest fucker you’d ever meet. It didn’t matter if we were stuck on a mountain side being shot at, he’d always have a joke that took the edge off the situation. He was the one who kept us all grounded. To this day, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard as I did with him.

“And Michael”—I rubbed at my eyes with the back of my hand—“was so damn smart, none of us understood how he didn’t get assigned to intelligence or move up the ranks faster. Looking back now, I realize how he hid how smart he was from everyone else. I don’t think he wanted the responsibility of making decisions for other people. He just wanted to serve his country and make his father proud. He didn’tcare about getting awarded with higher positions. He was just a good fucking guy.” My voice cracked as emotion lodged in my throat. But there was a lightness taking hold in my heart. Like telling Charlie these things somehow made them easier to carry. It felt like I could finally remember my fallen brothers for the amazing men they were and not have to forget about them because the pain was too much to bear.

I could do this—I realized—with her by my side, I could do this.

With a smile on my face, I sniffed and wiped another stray tear off my face. “Jackson…oh, Sunshine, you would have loved him. He was so quick-witted and a complete smart-ass. He got us in trouble more times than I can count but seeing him get under our sergeants’ skin was worth every fucking push-up. Honestly, he would have been the one to tell me I’d been a jackass about you. That I should have gotten my shit together and found you in your hospital room after that fire and told you how I’d felt right then and there.”

I snorted, thinking back to how stupid I was. How much time fear had robbed me. “He would have told me to get on one knee and beg you to marry me or he’d do it himself. He…” Fresh tears welled in my eyes, clouding my vision. Squeezing my eyes shut, I felt them move down my cheeks.

When I opened my eyes, I said, “He was my best friend, Charlie. We’d been through hell and back together. Four deployments. Shit with his parents. I can’t even tell you how many bar fights he had my back in.” I laughed.

Then the sorrow of the loss took hold again. Threatening to draw me back to my old ways of silence and indifference.It would be so easy to go back there. To let myself become numb and angry. To start building that wall again.

But I looked at Charlie’s beautiful face and knew I couldn’t be that version of myself anymore. It was time to be brave. It was time to move forward.

“I wish they were with me right now,” I whispered. “And maybe in a way they are. Giving me the strength I need to be the man you deserve. To be the man I should have been all along.”

I swept a strand of hair from the side of her face then kissed her knuckles. “Come back to me, Sunshine.” This time I didn’t wipe the tears away. “Come share your light with me.”

CHARLIE

A distant roar of rushing water surrounded me as the perpetual darkness faded to a light glow. Squinting my eyes to see, I looked around.

Tall pine trees.

A wooden dock.

Crunchy snow beneath my feet.

…the cabin.

Thick mist clouded everything around me, still making it incredibly difficult to see. But I was there—at the placewhere inspiration struck, and I was able to reconnect with myself. It was my home. The one I’d made for myself. A part of the one I’d made withhim.

A deep ache settled into the bones of my ribs at the thought of Deacon.

Where is he?

I moved toward the dock, freshly nailed boards remained sturdy beneath my feet. A smile crept over my lips as I remembered him taking hours to rebuild the dock because he kept looking up at me while I was painting. Not that I’d ever admit to him that I saw him doing that, but it was nice knowing that I had an effect on him, even back then.

I looked over my shoulder, back at the cabin that was now shrouded in the hazy moisture hanging in the air. The small back patio was empty. No sign of Deacon anywhere.

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