Page 80 of When You Saved Me

Yes.

I did love Charlie. It was unquestionable. But it was the first time I’d had a moment for it to really sink in.

I’d never loved a woman before. Not really. The feeling was overwhelming.

I looked back at her. She seemed so peaceful. Her long auburn lashes fanned out over her freckled cheeks. I reached up to touch the silken strands of her hair. She looked just like she did every morning when we woke up next to one another.

Peaceful.

Angelic.

“I can’t,” I whispered, drawing my hand up to cup the side of her cheek.

“Okay.” The nurse patted my arm again. “Is there anything you need to take care of there? Anything you might want to call and ask a friend to help with? I’ve found people often forget important things during a time like this.”

As I stroked Charlie’s hand with my thumb, the nurse’s words hit hard. “Casper! Shit!”

Panic rose along my spine as I remembered the little rascal had been without us for nearly twenty-four hours.

“Who’s Casper, dear?” the nurse asked.

“He’s our cat.” I looked at the older woman and she smiled at me.

“Is there someone you can call to have them check on him?”

I knew Sarah and Ranger would be more than willing to check on him, but I wasn’t sure how he would react around strangers. Charlie had mentioned that I was the first person besides her who he really connected with. He’d been skittish around everyone else.

Charlie would kill me if something happened to him. The last thing we needed was for him to get scared and dart out of the house if Sarah and Ranger checked on him.

“No, I need to be the one to check on him.”

The nurse moved to the side to let me out of the corner of the room where my chair was, but I stayed put. “She’s stable? Nothing will happen to her while I’m gone?” I’dgone through years of medical training in the military and even more after that when I became a firefighter paramedic. I knew Charlie’s status and everything it meant, but I needed reassurance. Needed someone else to tell me that the woman I loved would be okay if I left.

“Yes, she’s stable. Just think of it as her taking an extra-long nap to give her brain some rest. Like I said, I’ll call you if anything changes.”

I looked back at Charlie and felt my chest cave in a little more. I didn’t want to leave her. But I also knew that Casper had held her together when she’d lost all her friends. He was the most important thing in her life aside from her parents. She had trusted me with him, and I needed to make sure he was okay.

Slowly rising from the chair, I straightened my back and did a few side stretches to even out the kinks. Then, I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Charlie’s forehead.

“I’ll be back soon, Sunshine. You just keep resting.”

There was no response. Not that I expected there to be one, but the silence was still deafening.

Turning toward the nurse, I said, “Let me give you my cell phone number.” She took it down and after one final look at Charlie, I headed home.

By the time I got home, fatigue had almost taken me out from the adrenaline dump that still had my hands shaking on the steering wheel. I didn’t sleep at all last night as I sat by Charlie’s side and watched her rest. All I could think aboutwas all the moments we hadn’t shared together yet. How badly I wanted to take her in my truck and ride through my property at sunset–seeing the glimmering light over the rolling hills. To see how her red hair would look in the summer sun. What her freckled skin might feel like against mine when I showed her the nearby lake, and we went swimming together.

There were countless experiences I wanted to share with her. But most of all, I just wanted to hear her laughter. I wanted to hear the sound of my name passing her lips. I wanted totalkto her.

Still sitting in my truck, I stared at the front door. I knew what I would find inside.

Quiet emptiness.

Charlie had brought such life to my house—she’d made it a home. Without her, I didn’t want to be in it. I didn’t want to know what life might feel like without her.

I slammed my hand against the edge of the steering wheel. “Fuckkkk!” I screamed—the strain of not having used my voice much today sliced into my throat.

What lesson was hidden in this torment? And why did Charlie have to be the one to suffer for it? Why did this have to happen?

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