Page 78 of When You Saved Me

“Yeah,” I laughed, remembering the phone call Sarah and I shared when she realized she wanted Ranger. It took them a while to figure things out, but now they were as solid as stone. Unbreakable.

“It seemed like fate wanted me to be scared because of all the towns she could have ended up in, she chose Pebble Brook Falls.”

“Does she know how you feel about her?” Sarah asked.

“I denied it at first. But then…I just couldn’t. I thought I would be able to keep my distance and ignore my feelings, but I failed epically at that.” They both looked at me like they completely understood what I was saying.

“After a pipe burst in the Badger Creek cabin, I offered for her to stay at my place for the night. The next morning, we woke up to being snowed in and I didn’t have a buffer between me and her anymore. I couldn’t hide it. She’s…” I felt the tightening of my throat again as another pang of pure agony shot through my heart. “She’s everything I never knew I needed. Fuck!” I raked my hand through my hair, tightening my grip on the strands so I didn’t punch a hole in the damn wall.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Sarah’s soothing voice kept me grounded. I was losing it and without her and Ranger here…I didn’t know what I’d be capable of.

“Have the doctor’s given any updates?” Ranger asked, gripping my shoulder again to steady me.

I looked at him—at my friend. Ranger had his own past that I knew nearly kept him apart from Sarah. If there was anyone who understood what I was feeling right now, it was him.

Scraping a palm over my jaw, I tried to settle down. It was hard, when my raging heartbeat was a constant reminder of my distress. Every ounce of my soul wanted to be in there with her, making sure she was okay. Telling her how much I loved her and how fucking sorry I was for making her feel like she had to get away.

“They did a CT scan on her head to see if there was a brain injury. She was in and out of consciousness on our way here, but when we arrived, she wasn’t alert.”

Sarah raised her fingers to her mouth, trying to cover the shock.

“What happened?” she whispered.

I filled them in on the snowball fight and how my error led Charlie to being crushed beneath a pile of snow. Then how I freaked out and pushed her away, after I’d already let her in.

“I just couldn’t face her. Every loss I’ve experienced has left a brutal fucking scar on me and I let those scars eat awayat my sanity. After she got hurt in the snow, I thought she was better off without me. So, I shut her out. Today, she wrote me a letter telling me that I was her person and that she knew we needed some space for clarity. On her way to town…she must have hit an ice patch because I found her car totaled on the side of the road.”

“Oh, Deacon,” Sarah said at the same time Ranger whispered, “Shit.”

“If I would have just let her in. If I would have just—” My voice cracked along with my heart.

“No.” Sarah grasped my arms and dipped her head low, forcing me to look at her. “Don’t you even say it, Deacon. This is not your fault. Accidents happen and there’s no way you could have known. Don’t do that to yourself.”

“She’s right, Deacon. The only way forward is to forgive yourself and move on. I’m sure Charlie wouldn’t want you beating yourself up like this.”

I thought about it. My sunshine. The light of my life… She was so kind, thoughtful and positive. Ranger spoke truthfully. There was no way Charlie would want me to carry the burden of guilt.

I could picture it now, if I told her the car accident was my fault. She’d put her dainty hand on her hip and glower at me, saying something like, “You think you have control over every little thing in life?”

She’d put me in my place.

Just like she’d done every time I’d shown her my ugly side.

“So, what do I do now?” I asked them right when the door to Charlie’s room opened and the doctor stepped out.

My heart stopped beating. Then it jolted again, banging hard against my ribs.

He was a tall man. Looked to be about mid-fifties with dark as midnight eyes. There was a blankness to his face that I knew he’d probably mastered over the years from having to deliver difficult news. I saw it on the guys’ I had served with when the losses started piling up.

“Are you Ms. Banks’ family?”

“Yes.” I didn’t hesitate for a second.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sarah and Ranger step closer to me. My jacket moved as Sarah placed her hand at my back.

The doctor nodded at us. “She’s stable. For now.”

“What do you mean for now?” The words were out before I even registered what I’d said. Sarah’s palm flattened against my mid-back, rubbing up and down.

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