Page 39 of When You Saved Me

“Don’t blame me. He’s the one who’s being a total weirdo right now.” Disinterested in my antics, he settled his chin back on the blanket and closed his eyes right as Deacon reappeared with a small container in his hand.

“What’s that?” I pointed at the container.

“Come to the edge of the couch.” He gestured with his hands before kneeling in front of me.

I sat still for a moment contemplating whether or not I wanted to listen to him. He was being so damn bossy and right now, I didn’t want him to get away with it. Mostly because I liked the idea of defying him. Testing his limits tosee what he might do. What he might command me to do next.

Calm patience reflected in his gaze as he waited for me to move, and I had a feeling he was used to waiting out others given his military background.

Rolling my eyes and huffing in frustration, I moved to the edge of the couch.

“Lift your sweater,” he ordered, nodding toward me.

“No.”

“Yes,” he growled.

“I can do it myself,” I said sternly, zipping my lips into a tight line.

Something like irritation flashed across his face. “You’ve taken care of me all day. Let me do this for you.” There was an earnestness in his voice that illuminated the connection between us once more. My mind whirled from his back and forth. One minute, he’s rejecting me and the next he wants me to expose the most vulnerable part of myself to him like it’s nothing.

Without another word, I lifted my knit sweater and watched his face turn to stone as he noted the large scar that ran from just below the cup of my bra down the side of my right rib cage. Most of the time, it was hidden from the world—myself included. Now, it was front and center for the man who gave me butterflies and infuriated me all at once.

Deacon’s Adam’s Apple bobbed as he swallowed, still staring at my marred skin. I wondered what he was thinking about. If it brought him back to that moment the way it did for me every time I saw it in the mirror. When the darknessfinally took me, and his stunning green eyes were the last thing I thought I would see before my death.

I watched as he shifted in front of me and unscrewed the lid to the glass jar he held. His fingers dipped into the white salve. I held my breath as he smoothed the substance around his fingers.

“So it doesn’t feel cold,” he said, leveling his gaze on me. Even kneeling, he was taller than me sitting on the couch, and I wondered how many other people saw him like this. If he’d knelt in front of any other woman before.

The thought of him being withanyoneelse sent a jolt of jealousy through me. I shook the unwanted images from my mind.

When his fingers finally slid over my ribs with the balm, I felt a surge of relief. Not just from the itchiness of my dry skin, but from his touch that I’d come to crave. He concentrated intently, his brows furrowing slightly as he ran the salve down the swoop of my side and over the edge of my hip bone.

As my heart raced, I silently hoped he couldn’t tell how affected I was by his touch. I was still trying to figure him out and while I knew I was vulnerable; I didn’t want him to see justhowvulnerable I was.

Then, his hand moved upward, and his fingers grazed the edge of my bra. I sucked in a sharp breath as heat pooled in my center and the apex of my thighs began to throb with need. He was close. So, so close.

Those pine green eyes looked at me and I could see the need that reflected back at me as his fingers stilled just belowmy right breast. He licked his lips and the room around me started to tilt when his palm splayed against my ribs. With the slightest pressure, he dug his fingertips beneath the underwire of my bra.

Breaths heavy, I felt my body give in to the battle that my mind had been trying to win. With my eyes fluttering closed, I leaned my forehead onto his lips.

“You keep dragging me around. Giving me whiplash. One second, you’re rejecting me and the next, you’re looking at me like I’m the most treasured painting in the entire world.” Trying my best to break through the haze of lust, I leaned back and let the absence of his lips on my forehead sober me.

“I want to just let myself be with you, Deacon. But you keep making it so hard to know what you’re thinking.” I covered the hand he had over my skin with my own and continued. “When you touch me,” I whispered. “I don’t ever want it to stop.”

Still as stone, Deacon just watched me as I tilted my face toward his and rubbed the tip of my nose under his chin and along his jawline. “I felt it then too. When I was in your arms the day of the fire and you were carrying me down the hall. I could have died right then and some part of me would have been okay with it because you felt like home. But I also knew that you wouldn’t let my life end there. I knew with my entire soul that you would have done anything to get me out of that building. And you did.”

His nostrils flared as he inhaled deeply and clamped hiseyes shut, shaking his head. “You can’t say those things to me.”

“Why? Why won’t you just let me in?” My heart ached as I pleaded with him. Taking his head between my hands, he burrowed the side of his face into my grasp.

When he opened his eyes again, my chest was crushed under the weight of the fear that danced in his irises. “Becauseyouare light in its purest form, and I am nothing but the darkness that will drive that light away. And I can’t seem to stop wanting you, no matter how hard I try. I am no good, Charlie and I’ve already ruined a part of you once.” He glanced at my bare skin where the scar was still exposed, his hand still splayed over top of it.

Everything clicked into place. Why he didn’t visit me in the hospital. The slamming of his front door in my face. The hot and cold attention I’d received from him since I arrived.

This beautiful, incredible man who saved my life was broken. So terribly broken and that fragility woke something deep inside of me. A need to protect. To shield him from himself.

“Deacon,” I whispered his name. “This”—Covering his hand with my own again, I pressed his palm further against my scar—“was not your fault.”

---