Page 63 of Dare to Need

When he brought his attention back to everyone at the table, he cleared his throat and said, “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past and I suppose that’s part of life. But my father always told me that a fool is simply a person who does not learn from their mistakes. As I’m a prideful ass, I fully intend tonotbe a fool and learn from the many mistakes I’ve made.” His lips tilted up as he looked at me. I returned his smile, letting the gratitude of our repaired relationship spread through me.

“So I thought in the spirit of my newfound awakening, I could pass on some old man wisdom and have everyone share a mistake they’ve made and their hopes of moving forward in the future. Ms. Drema, would you like to start us off?”

Her aqua-blue eyes shined as she nodded. A slight blush tinged her cheeks as everyone’s attention shifted to her. “One of the mistakes I’ve made is not standing up for myself when I’ve been wronged. I have a tendency to be a people pleaser and it has prevented me from speaking out when someone is rude or inappropriate towards me. My hope for the future is that I can balance those parts of myself—the part that wants to make others happy and the other part that deserves to stand up against wrongdoings.”

“I think that’s an excellent hope to strive for, Drema. And remember that people learn how to interact with us by our own behaviors. If you allow someone to speak to you in a derogatory manner, even one time, they are likely to do it again in the future.”

“I never thought of it like that, but it makes sense. Thank you, Mr. Walker,” she replied, leaning into Lucas.

“Alright, Lucas. You’re up next.”

“I think everyone at this table knows that I’ve made countless mistakes over my short life.” A round of snickering and laughing buzzed around the table. “But one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made is keeping the pain I experience to myself. I don’t like to burden others, so I try to manage everything on my own. It’s not a sustainable way to be, especially if I want to be close to others. My hope is that I will start to lean on others when I need help instead of taking the world’s weight on my own shoulders.”

Lucas tucked Drema under his arm, pulling her close to him. She looked up at him with such love and admiration, it was nearly tangible. It reminded me of the love Eva and I shared. It made me happy to see my best friend and chosen brother so willing to let someone into his heart.

This time, it was my mother who spoke. “Lucas, darling. I think that’s a wonderful goal to work toward. It can be so easy to retreat inward when we’re hurting, but the beauty in life rarely comes from easily made decisions.”

“I guess it’s my turn,” Garrett said nervously as everyone looked his way. “I want to stop waiting for the perfect moment to say what’s on my heart. When dad was in the hospital, I realized there is never a perfect moment and there might come a time when it’s too late to say my piece. So I’m going to stop waiting and tell people exactly how I feel the moment it comes up.”

Garrett looked at me and I knew our previous conversation was something he’d probably thought about for years before he finally told me how he’d felt. When his deep brown eyes darted to our father, I wondered if they’d had a similar conversation.

“We’re never promised tomorrow, nor the perfect opportunity to speak from the heart. The only time to make your thoughts known is the present.” Garrett and our father nodded at one another, a shared truth between them that gave me the answer I was hoping for.

“What about you, sweetheart?” my father asked my mother, his tone lowering an octave.

“Well, I think I’ve learned a lot of lessons in the past few weeks, but the one thing I really want to work on is accepting people exactly as they are. Without pressuring them into a box that I or society expects them to fit into.”

“I’m not sure how you do it, but you always find a way of stealing the very words I was planning to use, honey. I think acceptance of others is something we could all use a little more of.”

I knew it was their way of apologizing to me, once again. For the first time in my life, I didn’t need to hear the words spoken to know how they truly felt. I’d constantly sought after their approval and validation. Hoping that one day they would finally understand the purpose behind my actions. That my art was the one thing that kept my soul alive. As my father’s eyes glistened and my mother’s lower lip trembled slightly, there was no doubt in my mind that I had their support now.

Reaching across the table, I spread my arms so I could hold each of their hands. “I love you, guys.”

They each squeezed my hands and my father said, “We love you too, son.”

My father cleared his throat once again, his attempt to mask the tears that were bubbling to the surface.

“I believe it’s your turn, Eva.” He turned to face Eva who was sitting directly to his right. I let my parents’ hands go and placed a hand on her knee under the table.

Eva let out a soft giggle that was reminiscent of angels singing. Everything about her was ethereal from the way her long hair flowed down her back in auburn waves, to the warm glow of her tan face, to the honey-brown of her golden eyes. She was perfection if such a thing ever existed. And somehow, she had chosen me to be her partner and lover in life.

I was frankly aware that my behaviors the past few weeks put our relationship in jeopardy. The gratitude I felt for her graciousness nearly brought me to my knees every time I thought about it. Without her forgiveness of the stupid shit I’d done, I knew we wouldn’t be sitting here together enjoying a heartfelt meal with my family and our friends. She would have been on a plane back to Florida, leaving me miserable and alone to face the world without her.

“I think it’s in my nature to want to fix things for the people I love.” She eyed me sweetly with a side-long glance. “What I’ve come to realize is that it’s not my job to fix things for other people. I can provide support to them while they navigate the trenches, but I don’t need to meddle in other people’s affairs for the sake of making everything better.”

She wrapped her hand over mine as I pulled her toward me, planting a swift kiss to her temple.

“It can be so incredibly difficult watching someone you love suffer,” my mother said as she peered at my father. “But you’re exactly right, Eva. We cannot control what other people do. We can only love them through the decisions they make, even if we don’t agree with them.”

I knew my mother wasn’t only thinking about Eva and me in that moment. She’d watched my father make poor health decisions for decades until his body finally had enough and he’d suffered grave consequences for it. While I knew they were making progress in their own relationship, I couldn’t imagine how difficult it was for her to watch him destroy his body and support him while he was bed-bound in the hospital.

My father rubbed his thumb over the side of her hand and leaned down to her ear to whisper something none of us could hear. As he pulled away, she patted his cheek and smiled widely at him.

As he leaned back in his chair, he nodded toward me and said, “That leaves you to finish us out, son.”

I raked a hand through my hair. “The biggest lesson I’ve been forced to learn is two-fold. First, it’s never too late to make amends.” I looked up at my father. “No matter how long the rift has been forged. Second, making amends should never cost your integrity or authenticity. It’s important to always be yourself and maintain your values because the only person who will be forced to live with decisions that veer from your truth is you.”

The entire table was silent. Heat crawled up my neck under the intensity of everyone’s stares. There wasn’t a soul at the table who didn’t know exactly what I spoke of and somehow I still felt raw and bare.

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