Page 4 of Dare to Need

When he pulled away, I was left with peaceful clarity. “I know what I want to do.”

His eyebrows raised. “What’s that?”

“I’m not going to give this any more attention. Paulina said her piece the first time we talked and there’s nothing she can say to me now that would make me forgive her. So I’m going to…to let her go. As hard as that is, I think it’s finally time for me to fully step into who I am now. And she isn’t part of that picture. Not anymore.”

“I’m proud of you.” He squeezed my hand. “I would have been proud of you no matter what decision you made, but I think this is the right one. At least for now. And there’s no telling what the future may hold. Maybe Paulina will work on herself while she’s in medical school and you two will be able to reconnect.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

As we finished sipping on our coffees, I felt relief wash over me. None of my decisions were definitive. There was always time to make changes in the future. But for now, I would choose myself. Just as I had last fall. It was time for me to stop giving my energy to those who didn’t deserve it.

ChapterTwo

Shielding my face from the sun, I looked up at the bright baby-blue sky. Florida summer showed up today with blaring heat and a cloudless sky. Running my sweaty palms down the sides of my graduation gown, I thanked myself for choosing to wear the light-weight red mini-dress underneath and minimal makeup. Though, there was no doubt I still looked like a sweaty mess. The dress washot. And I loved it.

A heavy hum of chatter filled the space behind the stage as the entire graduating class was gathered, waiting to walk across the stage to receive their diplomas. There was a group of four girls right in front of me, gathered in a tight circle as they traded excitement with one another.

It wasn’t that long ago when I would have had a similar group standing together behind this stage. While I was thankful that I was no longer in that place of minimizing myself to fit in with Connor and our old friends, it still stung to not have Drema with me. In a sea of people, I was all alone.

I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit that it felt strange. This monumental moment to celebrate all the hard work and success of the past four years and I was alone.

Of course, Garth and my family were in the audience, but it wasn’t the same as having someone to walk across the stage with.

Taking in a deep breath, I willed those thoughts away. Today was for me. And I deserved to let myself be happy in this moment, even if I was solo for part of it. I thought about all the nights I’d spent sleeping in the library, studying my ass off. The moment I knew that medicine wasn’t for me and I wanted to pursue my dream of becoming a photographer. When President Walker told me that I would still be able to graduate on time as long as I took a heavy course load.

Idid all of that. For this one moment that meant everything. The diploma I received today wasn’t just a piece of paper signifying my completion of courses and other requirements. It was a token of sacrifice and dedication.

A smile tugged at my lips as the weight of the sadness I’d felt from being by myself lifted.

The chatter around me heightened as the ceremonial bagpipe pipers started playing the university’s anthem.

A tap on my shoulder had me turning around to see who it might be and as soon as I saw the long brown hair and hazel eyes, my heart skipped a beat.

The moment I saw her, I wished I would have been more content with being alone. “What’re you doing, Paulina?” Heat coursed through my veins and it wasn’t from the Florida sun.

“You never answered my text.” She gave me a tight smile.

“When someone doesn’t answer you, it usually means they don’t want to talk to you.”

I turned my back on her to face the front of the line again, but she grabbed my arm and pulled me back around.

“Please, just give me a chance.”

“A chance to what?” I hissed.

“To apologize. And to explain.”

The old wound she’d created started to fester as anger and frustration made me grind my teeth so hard my jaw hurt. I didn’t want to feel this way—not today.

“I already told you, Paulina. There is nothing you could say that would make this go away. There are consequences to your actions. You can’t just lie and betray someone and expect them to forgive you.”

“I just want you to give me a chance to explain everything. Please,” she urged. That familiar feeling of sorrow creeped into my chest. I didn’t want things to be this way. I wished she would have chosen differently last fall, but she didn’t. For whatever twisted reason she created in her mind, she betrayed me in the worst possible way. And there was no room in my heart or mind right now to forgive her, so this conversation was pointless and only drove the wedge further between us.

I glanced toward the front of the line as the bagpipes came to a stop and President Walker started making her speech.

“WhatIwanted was for you to be there for me when I needed you most. I wanted you to be by my side when I was going through the worst experience of my life. I wanted you to choosemeover them. But you didn’t.” I blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill over. “So please just leave me alone. Let me have this day without you trying to ruin it too.”

As I turned around to face the front of the line, the four girls in front of me were staring with their mouths slightly ajar. I raised my eyebrows at them and they all glanced at one another before hurriedly looking away.

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