Page 3 of Dare to Need

“I think you should wear the red one by the way,” Garth said over his shoulder with a smile.

“You’re only saying that because it’s the shortest one.” I laughed and a lightness started to settle into my chest, taking the place of the frustration.

A few seconds passed as Garth steamed some milk, then he turned to look at me. “Well, there is that.” He winked at me. “But I also think you look absolutely stunning in red.”

My cheeks heated and my core turned molten. How he still had that effect on me with just a few words, I had no idea. But I let the welcomed feeling settle deep in my bones.

“Looks like I’ll be wearing the red one then.”

His eyes turned to a bright gray as his smile broadened. I shifted on the stool as my stomach tightened in response. He was trying to distract me from how I was feeling and it was working. It always worked. But I knew as he turned toward the espresso machine again and pulled our white mugs from under it that he wasn’t going to let me off the hook that easily.

Garth had a way of knowing what I needed before I knew it myself. It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. The closeness we shared, not only of our bodies and minds but of our souls. So, as much as I wanted to forget all about the text from Paulina and me slamming my phone across the room, I knew it would be better if I talked it out. To stop hiding everything inside like I once did.

I watched as he poured the steamed milk into our mugs and he leaned across the island to hand me mine. Taking it between both hands, I rubbed the porcelain with my thumbs, letting the warmth seep into my skin. It was comforting—our ritual anytime one of us was feeling off. The other would make coffee and we’d just…talk. Seemed like today was my turn to hash things out, so I took in a deep breath and tried to sort through my scrambled thoughts. Waiting patiently, Garth leaned against the counter, mug in hand, and waited for me to start.

“I just can’t believe what Paulina did,” I whispered. Hot tears sprung to the back of my eyes and I hated it. I hated that after all this time, she still had an impact on me. That I willingly let her affect me this way.

I cleared my throat and said, “I’ve tried to make sense of it. For months after I found out, I tried to go through every single scenario that would lead her to do what she did. Anything that would help me make sense of it. I don’t know how she could do that to me after all the years we were friends.” My voice trailed off as the hurt I tried to bury for the past four months sprung to life again.

“Sometimes people do things that don’t make sense. Even to them.” Garth set his mug on the island counter. “I don’t know Paulina, but from what you’ve told me about her, she seems to be a fragile person. She goes wherever the wind blows her as long as it’s in her best interest. I think she probably has a hard time realizing how her actions have real-life consequences—consequences that hurt others around her. And from what you’ve said about her mother, Paulina probably spent her entire life learning that kind of selfish behavior. It doesn’t excuse what she’s done, but sometimes those people have to hit rock bottom and find themselves completely alone before they can truly make positive changes for themselves.”

I mulled over what he said for a few minutes. “I guess that makes sense. It was different, but I also did a lot of stupid things without any good reason the past several years. A lot of my decisions were driven by insecurities.”

“But the difference is that you were raised to be strong. You have incredible parents who instilled good judgment and moral values in you. It didn’t make things easy, but I think it probably helped guide you in a better direction than what Paulina was given. But again, that doesn’t excuse what she did to you.”

Sorrow laced my words. “I still don’t think I can forgive her.”

“Given the state of your phone, I’d say you aren’t there yet. And maybe you never will be and that’s okay.”

My cheeks flushed again as heat crawled up my neck. “Sorry about that. It wasn’t one of my finer moments.”

“No need to apologize, babe.” Garth moved around the island and sat on the stool next to mine. Grabbing my hand, he intertwined his fingers with mine. The contact was soothing and I let myself focus on that instead of the conflicting emotions roiling through me.

“Did you respond to her text message?”

I shook my head. “No. She said she was sorry and asked if I would be willing to give her another chance to explain everything.”

“Do you know what you want to do?” He started drawing circles on the back of my hand with his finger.

I squeezed my eyes shut and took in a deep breath before opening them again. “You’re right. I don’t think I’m ready to hear what she has to say. I’m too angry. And if I’m being honest, I just want all of this to go away. I thought it had until I saw her text earlier.”

Garth lowered his head so he was looking me in the eyes. “It sounds to me like maybe you never let yourself fully move on.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if you had truly moved on then I don’t think your phone would be sitting as a pile of glass right now.”

I huffed. “Yeah, you’re probably right about that. I just…I want to start new. Like really start fresh and I thought I was doing that. With graduation around the corner and our summer plans, I was hoping to completely move on from everything that happened this year. But it seems that as soon as I get to solid ground, something chips a crack in it and I start falling again.”

“You’re going to hate me for saying this, but that’s life, babe. We don’t always get the pleasure of smooth sailing for long periods. There’s always going to be trials that try to take the wind from your sail. But you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. You just have to decide what you want for yourself and be willing to take it. Just like you did with photography.”

A smile broke across my face. “You make it sound like it was easy.”

My face tingled as he lifted his other hand and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “It’s as easy as you want it to be.” He shot me a wicked grin. “Though practice does make it a lot easier.”

I playfully pushed against his chest and he grabbed my hand, holding it above his heart. “Well, it seems like I’m going to have all the opportunities to practice.”

“Mmhmm.” Garth pulled me toward him and kissed me. His lips were hard and soft all at once and suddenly the worries that plagued my mind no longer held the same weight. The tightness in my chest gave way to fluttering butterflies.

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