Page 27 of Dare to Need

The art he made—poured his soul into—meant something more than all of that. If Garth took over the company, he would wind up in the same position he saved me from just last year—exhausted and fragile from spending all my effort to appease others in a field that sucked the life from me.

Shadows of torment danced across his face.Why would he do this?

“Isn’t there some other way—“

“It’s already done,” Garth interrupted me, his shoulders slouching in defeat. “I signed the papers yesterday.”

This was it. The storm I’d felt was coming, threatening to sweep us away in its wake. There was no doubt in my mind that this single decision would change Garth forever. His creativity would be forced to take a back seat as he tried to work through whatever guilt he was harboring against himself by taking over his father’s company.

Panic started to flutter through my body as my mind raced with fear that this would destroyustoo. How could he bear to watch me live out my dream, one that he helped me cultivate, while turning his back on his own. I couldn’t let him do this. Not just for the sake of our relationship, but because he had worked too damn hard to build his own legacy. Something he was proud of and that brought him immeasurable joy. I’d hate myself forever if I didn’t at least try to convince him that this decision was wrong.

“Baby,” I whispered as I ran my hands up his forearms. His gaze flicked back and forth between my eyes. He was trying so hard to make this right in his mind, but we both knew what this decision was already doing to him. “I know that you and your father haven’t had the best track record. And now that he’s sick, it must feel like all that time spent arguing was wasted. But—“

“You don’t know anything.” His voice was dangerously low as his words cut through me like a knife. “You couldn’t possibly know anything about how I feel right now.”

My heart stopped as his stare turned glacial. The planes of his face like cold stone.

There was nothing I could say as goosebumps rose along my skin. The man I loved was broken beyond what I could repair. And he was right. There was no way I could understand the pain he was going through. No matter how hard I tried.

There was nothing I could say to him to make this better. Icy panic flooded my veins as a single thought raged over and over again in my mind.

I’m going to lose him.

GARTH

“I’m so proud of you.”

The words my dad spoke to me this morning rang through my mind as I walked aimlessly through the city. If he knew how I’d acted toward Eva yesterday, he wouldn’t have said those words to me.

I’d been a total and complete ass.

The image of her heartbroken face haunted me from the moment I walked away from her last night. She was just trying to help in any way she knew how and I basically threw it back in her face.

I couldn’t stand to be in the wreckage of what I’d caused, so I spent the night in my dad’s hospital room. Brooding like a fucking teenager over the mistakesI’dmade.

I wanted to fix it. My heart was screaming at me to run back to our hotel room and apologize to Eva, get down on my knees and beg for her forgiveness.

But my feet kept carrying me further and further away from her, like my body knew that I would make more of a mess of things if I talked to her now.

My stomach grumbled as I walked past an Italian restaurant, the savory spices wafting through the air. There was no telling when I’d last eaten more than a snack-sized portion of food. Everything tasted bland now, like the life hadn’t just been drained from me, but from everything I touched as well.

Fuck, I hated this. The constant battle between needing to make amends with my dad and the guttural feeling that I was royally fucking up everything in my life…again.

Yes, I could have handled the past decade with a lot more grace than I had. There was a lot on my end that had led to the conflict between my dad and me. I owned that. I was a selfish punk kid who didn’t know how to navigate hard conversations, so I just said shitty and hurtful things.

But the moment I signed the papers my dad had his lawyer send over to me, a piece of my soul died. Trampled by the spoils of regret.

And the way I handled things with Eva yesterday…I didn’t deserve her. She’d already been through so much this past year and as soon as she had a glimmer of hope that things were finally starting to look up, she gets dragged into my mess. I needed to apologize. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if she decided to pack her bags and leave my sorry ass here to deal with everything on my own. I’d deserve it if she did. But I hoped against all odds that she’d be in our hotel room when I got back so that I could make things right between us.

The familiar sights of the New York City streets were tugging at my mind in a cruel way. They brought me back to those four years at Parsons. Barely a penny to my name, but I made it work. Just like my parents had.

Fueled by nothing but stubbornness and passion, I worked my ass off in the bars and restaurants of this city so that I could afford tuition. The salty taste of Ramen noodles and pepperoni pizzas tingled on my tongue as flashes of long nights in the studio ran across my mind. I could barely afford a coke back then, let alone rent.

There was something special about the struggle though. It prevented me from lying to myself that creating art was what my soul was meant to do. There was no way I would have put myself through all that hell for something that didn’t mean shit to me. No. I loved creating. The feel of the wooden handle against my skin. The sound of fresh paint being stroked across a canvas. And the feeling of utter bliss and deep sense of accomplishment when a piece was finally complete.

There was nothing else in this world like it.

Hot anger made my throat burn as I realized I likely wouldn’t have those feelings again for a long time, if ever. Now that I was taking over the Walker Corporation, I would be even more overwhelmed by the obligations than my father had been.

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