Page 25 of Dare to Need

Looking up at him under the crook of his arm, I smiled. “She’s amazing—Deborah Montel. She just has this way of capturing love that I’ve never seen before. And what I think is so amazing is how she doesn’t just focus on the bride and groom. She spends her time getting to know the guests and captures the most intimate moments between them. And she captures all kinds of love. That’s exactly what I want to do. There’s so much to feel sorrowful about in this world that we often forget what’s right in front of us. The good parts. If I can capture those moments for people and give them a reminder of all they have to be thankful for, especially regarding the love in their life, then I think I can be happy with my career.”

I sat up a little straighter under his arm. “It’s going to be hard work and I’m nervous as hell. But I think it’s going to be one of the best learning lessons I’ve ever experienced. Not just in photography, but in life. After everything that happened last year, it made me realize how easy it is to get stuck in the routine of feeling bad. I let myself be bulldozed by a person who was supposed to love me. It took a lot of effort, but onceyoushowed me what it was to truly be loved…” I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. It just really inspired me to take that to the next level.”

Garth’s eyes grew misty, at the same time his hold on me strengthened. The look on his face made me panic, thinking maybe I’d said something wrong. I was supposed to be distracting him and now he was on the verge of tears.

He leaned his forehead against mine and squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m so sorry, Garth.” The words were barely a whisper between us.

He immediately pulled back and said, “What do you have to be sorry for?”

“I was supposed to be distracting you and now you’re about to cry.”

Garth shook his head and brought his forehead back down to meet mine. “I’m just so thankful you’re mine.That’swhat I was thinking about. I…I wouldn’t be able to keep my head on straight through all of this without you being here. Hearing you talk about your art and how excited you are for it…” He let out a long exhale. “I’m so glad you have this opportunity to grow in your passion.”

There was no doubting that I fell in love with him all over again as he said those words to me. The continuous support he always provided me was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. And more than anything, I wanted to give it all back to him. I wanted to show him that, in this terrible, heart-wrenching time, I was here. There was no reason for him to hide from me anymore. Nothing could prevent me from loving him with every cell in my body, even during the difficult times.

I just wished he could see that.

“I wouldn’t have this opportunity withoutyou. You’ve given me so much, babe. I didn’t even know that love could feel like this until you came into my life. I thought it was all sacrifice and giving until your heart bled out. But you’ve shown me the truth.”

Garth tilted his head, a question dancing in his eyes.

“You’ve shown me what it truly means to be unconditionally loved by another person.” I planted a kiss on his cheek then leaned back to look at him in his eyes. “I can’t even pretend to imagine what you must be going through right now—what you must be thinking. But I want you to know that you are a good man, Garth. The best man I’ve ever met. So, whatever happened between you and your father, I know you can fix it.”

They were words I wasn’t anticipating saying, but they needed to be said. He needed to know that there was no truth he could unveil that would make me love him any less. And that whatever happened between his father and him could be resolved. There was so much love between them. I witnessed it when I saw them together in the hospital.

His hazel eyes turned a deep grey, like a storm about to unleash a torrential downpour of rain. My heart ached for him to say something, anything to end the silence that dragged on between us. I thought that by telling him the depth of the love I felt from him that it would help him to see the goodness in himself. A life raft for the treacherous waters I knew he was swimming through, even though he wouldn’t tell me the full extent of it.

But Garth didn’t say a word as his walls shot up and the storm within his heart raged on right before my eyes. And all I could do was watch as the love of my life started to drown.

ChapterEleven

The only good thing that happened in the last twenty-four hours was that Garth’s father had an increase in his oxygen levels—he was able to breathe a little easier now. Not that his progress had any impact on Garth’s well-being. With every passing minute, it felt like Garth was slipping further and further into himself. The tether between us was drawn taut and I feared that the slightest wrong move on my part would make it snap.

When he wasn’t at the hospital, he was pouring over his laptop researching something he wasn’t ready to talk about.

I hated myself for it, but my patience was wearing a little thin. We’d gone from having the most open line of communication I’d ever experienced in a relationship to the line going dead. Doing everything in my power to refrain from banging on the walls he put up, I resorted to silence. Trying my damndest to give him the space he clearly needed, even though it felt like it was going to kill me in the end.

As the days dragged on, I started to question why I was even here. Garth told me multiple times that my being in New York with him was helpful. But I couldn’t see how. It felt like we were thousands of miles apart and he kept drifting further away.

I knew that time was a valuable resource and maybe he just needed more of it to work through the things in his mind. But it felt strange having been the one to open up to him about so many things I struggled with last year, only to be shut out by him now that he was the one hurting. Even before we started dating, I trusted him enough to open my heart and show my most vulnerable self.

Clearly, that trust only flowed in one direction.

An aggravated sigh left my lips before I even knew what was happening—I hoped he didn’t notice.

Garth looked at me over the top of his computer from across the small table in our hotel room.

Shit.

“Something wrong?” he asked.

My heart thudded in my chest as I questioned if I should let him know that his absence within our relationship was starting to cut deep. It didn’t take long for me to decide that if I wanted honesty and communication from him, then I would need to deliver the same respect.

“I feel like I’m losing you.” A concoction of frustration, fear, and sorrow made my throat constrict. Hot tears stung my eyes as I let my own walls down for the only man who was capable of destroying them completely—destroyingmecompletely.

Garth rose from his chair and closed the space between us. Wrapping his arms around me I buried my head in his chest and squeezed my eyes shut.

“You’re not losing me,” Garth whispered against my hair. “I’m just”—he let out a long exhale—“I just feel like I’ve lost a little bit of myself in all of this and I’m not sure how to make my way back yet.”

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