Page 23 of Dare to Need

The only thing I wanted to do was find a way to help Garth through this terrible time. I already felt helpless in giving him what he needed right now. Then Connor felt the need to drag me into his problems, once again. How was everything going to hell in a handbasket so quickly?

My mind raced in wondering why he would wantmeof all people to be a witness in his case. It’s not like I would have anything positive to say about him and I would have to be honest about seeing them together in her classroom. Maybe it was his mother’s way of getting back at me and Connor didn’t actually have a say in the matter. Either way, it pissed me off.

I tried to stow away the thoughts as I pressed the round button for our floor in the elevator. Hopefully, there would be time for me to sort out this mess after I figured out how to help Garth. I could feel him slipping away and it terrified me. The thought of losing who he was to all this made my chest clench.

Above all else, he was my priority. I just hoped I could find a way to make him see that it was all going to be okay.

ChapterTen

Garth was sitting at the small round dining table nestled in front of the balcony when I walked into the room. Without looking up, he continued typing away at his computer.

Butterflies swarmed my stomach as I looked over his bare abdomen. Ridges of tan muscles lined his stomach and a small patch of dark hair sat just above the line of his boxers, trailing down to his length that had granted me so much pleasure. It was the longest we’d gone without making love or even touching for that matter. Normally, it was difficult to be in the same space as him and not touch him, but I didn’t think he was in the mind-frame to focus on any of that right now.

As I looked him up and down again, I realized he looked much thinner than just two days ago.He hasn’t eaten anything,I thought to myself. Suddenly, the butterflies I felt turned to lead in my stomach. I’d been there before. When the stress and hopelessness became too much that caring for myself on a basic human level felt too strenuous. It was something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, let alone the man I loved more than anything.

Rising panic had me moving faster than I intentioned and I almost tripped over my own feet as I took a step toward him.

“I brought some bagels and coffee back. I thought you might be hungry.” The words came out in a rush as I set the cups and bag of bagels down on the table next to his computer.

“Thanks, doll face.” As he spoke his nickname for me my heart fluttered, but the feeling was immediately squashed as his eyes met mine and I saw the emptiness there. The familiar bright hue of his hazel eyes was gone, replaced with a solemn gray that reminded me of the stormy skies that filled the afternoons back home.

“Is everything okay?” I nodded toward his computer before taking his bagel out of the bag and setting it in front of him, hoping he would eat it.

Garth raked a hand over his gaunt face before pushing himself back a little ways from the table. “Yeah, I just have some things to figure out to help my mom and dad with the business while he’s in the hospital.” His words seemed strained, like he wasn’t telling the whole truth. Just enough that I wouldn’t dig deeper and ask questions.

I didn’t push the subject though. Even as the possibility of him keeping things from me stung, I had to trust that he would tell me in his own time.

“I hope you’re able to get it all sorted out,” I said with as much enthusiasm as I could manage. “I got you an Americano too. I know it’s probably not as good as what we make back home, but it should get the job done.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to. And let’s be honest. Neither one of us can work well if we don’t have some form of caffeine running through our veins.”

Not even an inkling of a smile pulled at his lips for my attempt at a joke. Despite the sullen look in his eyes, I could tell his mind was working in overdrive. From the moment we met, Garth had always been present with me and with life. Giving every moment his undivided attention, bringing a new meaning to the new-age wave of mindfulness.

When he didn’t give me any indication that he’d even heard a word I said, I felt desperate to make conversation. To hear him say more than a few words.

Before I even knew what was coming out of my mouth I asked, “How is your father doing this morning?”

Garth wrapped both hands around his cup of espresso. A muscle ticked in his jaw as I held my breath, waiting for him to say something...anything.

After what felt like an eternity had passed, he finally sucked in a breath and said, “My mom sent me a text shortly after you left this morning. He did well through the rest of the night and he’s getting some more testing done today to check on his recovery. He seems to be breathing easier this morning, so I think that’s a good sign.” Every word seemed forced, like it took every ounce of his strength to talk.

Searching for the right words to say, I came up short. So I asked the only thing I thought would be helpful in that moment. “Is there anything I can do, babe? Anything to make this a little easier for you?”

That’s when he looked up at me again, a sudden fierceness took over his sorrowful gaze and the quick shift startled me. The instability in his emotions sent a chill down my spine. He was always the rock in our relationship. The one making sure that I was calm through all the trials I’d faced last year, as well as the anxiety of moving to a new place in a few short months.

The tables had turned in just a few days, with one horrific phone call, the man I knew was shifting into someone completely different.

Like a wild animal pacing a fence, looking for any means of escape—that was how Garth looked. The burden of his father’s sickness was like a cage pressing in on him from all sides and he was bursting at the seams to break free.

I just wanted to know what was inside his mind. It killed me to see that he was suffering all alone. That, for some unknown reason to me, he was bottling it all inside. Unwilling to let me in.

I got down on my knees in front of him and placed my hands on the tops of his thighs. “Please, Garth, talk to me.” My eyes flicked back and forth between his.

Minutes ticked by and just as I was about to get up and let him have his space, he finally spoke. “I feel like if I start to talk about any of this right now, then I’ll crumble under the weight of it, Eva. I don’t even know what I feel. All I know is I have to be the strong one. For my mom. For Garrett. And for my dad.”

My shoulders dropped in relief that he finally said something. It may not have been the words I wanted to hear or a solution to my wanting to help him, but he talked. And that’s all that mattered. The tether between us wasn’t closed off—not completely anyway.

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