Page 18 of Dare to Need

She led us to a small waiting area by the nurses’ station, but none of us seemed willing to sit, so we gathered in a circle. Our backs closed off from the rest of the world.

There was a slight tremble to her hands as my mother ran them over her face. “The doctor left just before you all arrived.”

“What did he say?” Garrett’s eyes widened.

“Your father is still in critical condition. The heart attack injured a significant portion of his heart muscle and the recovery process is going to be a slow one. He has multiple blockages that they want to address, but he’s too weak right now to undergo major surgery. So, that will be something we tackle down the road. For now, he needs rest and we need to limit as much stress for him as possible.”

I didn’t want to think too much about what it meant when she glanced at me, but I would be lying to myself if it didn’t sting. There was no way in hell I was going to defend myself against it, though. Not when I knew she was right to worry given my father and I’s history of blowouts.

“Has he woken up yet?” I asked.

“He was awake when the doctor came in, but he’s pretty groggy from the medications.”

“Well, that’s a relief at least. It’s a good sign that he woke up so quickly,” Garrett said as his shoulders dropped slightly.

“Yes, it’s a very good sign.”

“Are we able to see him now?” My body ached with the need to run down the hall, to see his face and know for myself that he was still here. That there was still a chance that I could fix everything—or at least attempt to.

“Yes, we can all go down there to see him.” She took a deep breath in and looked back and forth between Garrett and me. “But I have to warn you that he doesn’t look well. He’s hooked up to a lot of machines and his skin—“

“It’s okay mom,” Garrett interrupted as she started to get choked up on her words. “I think it would be best for all of us to just go down and see him. Rip the bandaid off.”

“Okay.” Her voice was shaky and it set my nerves on fire. I still wasn’t used to seeing her this way.

As we all turned to make our way down the hall, Eva stopped and said, “I’m going to let all of you have this private moment as a family. I’ll go grab everyone a round of coffee from the cafeteria.”

My mother turned toward her and offered her a smile that I knew was difficult to manage. “That would be lovely, Eva. Thank you.”

The air was sucked from my lungs as Eva walked up to me and planted a kiss on my cheek. “It’s going to be okay, babe. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Her honey brown eyes glanced back and forth between my own as she assessed me.

“Okay.” I grabbed both her hands and pulled her into my arms. “Just don’t be gone too long.”

“I promise I’ll be right back.” Her voice was muffled as she spoke against my shirt.

I let her go and watched as she made her way over to the nurses’ station to ask for directions.

“Ready?” Garrett asked me—him and our mother a few steps in front of me.

“Yeah.” Each step towards my father’s room took effort. It felt as though my feet were made of lead and I had to use all of my willpower to move them, closer and closer to the one place I was terrified to go. While my heart urged me to run towards my father, to see with my own eyes that he was alive, my mind and my body were screaming at me to head in the opposite direction.

It was a battle that almost took me out, but as I watched Garrett and our mother walk through the doorway into his room, I took in a sobering breath and prepared myself for the worst.

Rounding the corner of the doorway, it only took a moment to realize that there was no way I could have prepared for the sight of my father lying in that hospital bed.

My eyes grew hazy as a tearful mist clouded them. I watched my brother drift toward our father’s bedside, my chest heaved as Garrett grabbed our father’s hand and pulled it up to his face. The sorrow in Garrett’s eyes left a crack in my heart so large I thought I was going to collapse.

Suddenly, the air in the room felt too thin to breathe. Sucking in breath after breath, the room started to tilt. All I could see was my mother in the corner of the room, like a fallen angel with tearful eyes looking over at my brother and father. For the second time since I’d seen him this morning, Garrett’s tears splashed onto the stark white sheets of the bed our father laid in. His skin looked a pale gray—so different from his usual tan from spending his weekends golfing or lounging at the pool with my mother.

Just as I thought I was going to pass out, my brother gasped. Stuck in place, I looked at him, my gaze trailing down to where his hands wrapped around our father’s hand. When my eyes shifted upward to my father’s face a sob threatened to wrack my body as his eyes fluttered open.

A wave of relief flooded through me as he slowly took in the room and all of us in it. Until finally, he looked at me.

My knees went weak as he swallowed, the noise of his lips smacking together and the beeping of the machines were the only sounds in the room.

“You’re here.” He managed to say, his eyes never leaving mine.

---