Page 39 of Dare to Fall

In all our years together, I’d never seen Connor this mad before. I tried to reach across the table for his hand, but he pulled away.

“This isn’t what I wanted, Connor.” My voice sounded small. “I wasn’t expecting for any of this to happen. I thought I would be able to follow through with the plan—ourplan. But looking ahead at what’s to come, I can’t dedicate any more of my life to something I don’t love. I need to do something that makes me happy, and becoming a doctor just isn’t it.”

“So, what the hell are you planning to do then, Eva?” he asked sarcastically.

My heart cracked a little more with every retort he gave. I wanted so badly for him to be the same man I fell in love with five years ago. I needed him to see how much this was killing me. But as I took in the man sitting across from me, I was slowly beginning to realize just how much he’d changed over the past few months. Still, I clung to the hope that what we had wasn’t lost and the way he was acting now was only a phase. He would get over whatever was making him act like an asshole, and we could move on.

So, I drew in a deep breath and tried to explain to him why I wanted to deviate from our plan. “I need you to listen to me, Connor. I know you’re really upset, and this isn’t the best timing with applications right around the corner. But you have to understand that this is a decision that’s going to impact me for the rest of my life. If I choose to go to medical school and become a doctor, I will be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. If I’m going to take that kind of risk on something, I need to be completely in love with it. The passion has to be there. And I know it’s there for you. But I’ve been trying to tell you for a long time that I don’t feel the same way about medicine that you do.

“When we did that summer internship last year in the emergency department, you came to life every time we walked through the hospital doors. Your face lit up when you got to meet with the physicians and discuss their cases. I’m so happy you found something you love. But do you remember how miserable I was there?” I looked into his eyes, pleading with him to understand me, to hear what I was trying to tell him.

I was met with a cold stare that sent shivers down my spine—and not the good kind. “The medical field is difficult, Eva. We knew that before we even started down this path. It takes hard work and determination. Clearly you’ve forgotten that.” His eyes narrowed to slits. “You still haven’t answered my question. If we’re supposed to build a future together, I at least have a right to know what you plan on doing to contribute.”

The edge was near. He kept spewing venom at me every chance he got. It hurt at first, but now it was starting to piss me off. “We may have made plans together to build a future, but it’s not like you’ve kept your end of the bargain either, Connor. You’ve been nothing but a raging asshole since the fall semester started. You’re always busy studying or doing research with that new professor. You never have time for us anymore, and when we do get a chance to be together, you’re a total prick.” Heat rushed through my body, and the edges of my vision pulsed with fury.

“Maybe I wouldn’t be such an asshole if mygirlfriendwasn’t caught having breakfast with another man.” His nostrils flared as he leaned back in his chair.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, even though I knew exactly what he was referring to.

He rolled his eyes and snickered. “You seriously think that my mother wasn’t going to tell me that she ran into you while you were cozying up with another guy?” A twinge of pain flickered across his face, then it was gone. “In my family, we’re loyal to one another. Not that you would understand what that means since you’re choosing to walk away from everything we’ve built together to chase after somepassionof yours that you can’t even seem to tell me about.”

Guilt washed over me because I knew I wasn’t innocent in agreeing to have breakfast with Garth. I tried to tell myself that I didn’t actually feel anything for him, that I reacted to him because he was handsome and intimacy was lacking in my life given all the problems Connor and I were having.

But the truth was, Ididfeel something more for Garth, although I hadn’t deciphered exactly what that something was yet. My thoughts were pulled in so many directions it was hard to focus on one thing at a time. Between the future of my career, my relationship with Connor, and the unmistakable excitement I felt anytime I was around Garth, I was going to combust from the stress of it all.

We both recoiled as the waiter brought our food to the table. I was thankful no one else had been seated on the patio to hear our exchange. As the waiter walked away, I looked across the table at Connor. The love I felt for him was buried beneath the rubble of animosity that fell over us with each spoken word. I wanted to retreat, to call a truce and move past all the hurt. But there was something I wanted more. And that was to make him see how unreasonable he was being.

I tried to gather the swarming thoughts racing through my mind. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but it was like pushing against an impenetrable wall. He wasn’t willing to budge.

“The guy that I had breakfast with is an artist. I met him when he was covering for my photography professor, which just so happens to be the subject of my passion. We ran into each other while I was downtown. It wasn’t a planned meeting, despite what I’m sure your mother probably told you. And not that you’ve ever paid attention to it, but I have loved photography since I was a little girl.” Another tear of frustration ran down my cheek. I wiped it away with the back of my hand. “It’s what I love to do, Connor. The way you feel about medicine is exactly how I feel about photography. It makes me happy. And I’ll be damned if I waste another minute of my life doing something that makes everyone else butmehappy. It may not be what you or your parents want me to do, but I’m okay with that, because for the first time in my life, I know that this is the right thing to do.”

Tossing the white linen napkin from my lap onto the table, I gathered my cell phone and keys into my small purse.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I can’t keep doing this with you, Connor. The arguing and fighting. It isn’t who we are. We’ve never fought like this before, but something is different now.Youare different now. The way you talk to me and pass judgment on me…” I zipped up my purse. “I’m not going to deal with it anymore. I’ve said what I wanted to say. But I think you need to take some time and figure out why you’re so upset with me instead of supporting me.”

“You can’t just walk away like this, Eva.”

I huffed at him. “Watch me.”

With every step I took, my heart broke a little more. I hated that we were fighting like this. He was right. His parents went out of their way to solidify that internship for me. Even though I knew Mrs. O’Brien would rather see her son with anyone but me, she wouldn’t let me fall flat on my face while I was dating Connor. It wouldn’t look good for her reputation.

I fumbled for my car keys as a sob broke through my throat. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to prevent the tears from coming, but they crept through, splashing on my forearms. I felt so broken and torn. It was like trying to stand during an earthquake. As soon as I rose up to my feet, another shockwave knocked me down again.

21

Garth

Sweat trickleddown the side of my face, my breaths in sync with the motion of my feet hitting the pavement. I was two miles into my run, and the tension in my body was just starting to fade away. My mind was once again consumed with thoughts of a feisty brunette who ran out on me just a few days ago.

Memories of her face twisted with anguish the moment that woman walked up to our table had haunted me. Polished from head to toe in designer clothing with an immaculate presentation, I had known women like Mrs. O’Brien my entire life. They found pleasure in making others feel lesser than, and that was exactly what she did to Eva during a time when she was already feeling vulnerable.

My jaw still ached from how hard I had ground my teeth, trying to keep my mouth shut and give Eva the opportunity to stand up for herself. Just seconds after she divulged to me that she was tired of living for everyone else and wanted to pursue her own dreams, she cracked under the pressure of that woman’s scrutiny.

I knew it was her boyfriend’s mother. Judging by the way she assessed me with daggers for eyes, I could only imagine what Eva had dealt with while dating the woman’s son. It all started to make sense now. Eva fell in love with the guy when they were younger, before the burden of adulthood settled in and they had to start planning for their futures. It was easy to fall into the trap of settling for others’ expectations of you. There was a time when all I wanted was my father’s approval, and I was almost willing to give up everything for it.

I hoped Eva would find the strength to decide for herself what the future would look like.

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