Page 6 of Dare to Fall

Eva

It tookevery ounce of my willpower to stay awake. I wasn’t sure if the material had gotten drier since last year, or if I simply couldn’t handle one more word about biological compounds. I didn’t understand how any of this would be relevant for medical school. I wasn’t planning on being one of those research lab rats who spent their entire life staring through a microscope into a Petri dish.

I glanced over at Paulina. She was completely enthralled with whatever the professor was saying. I rolled my eyes at her even though she couldn’t see me.

A text banner slid across my computer screen. It was from Connor.Finally. I clicked on it, and my text message window popped open.

Connor:Hey. Sorry, I’ve been super busy with my research position. The hours have been kicking my ass. Miss you.

A sinking feeling landed in my stomach as I scrolled through our messages and realized it had been almost a week and a half since our last exchange.

Last year, I would have felt a parade of butterflies swirling in my stomach from his text. Spending the entire summer apart with limited contact clearly changed that as I re-read his message and felt absolutely nothing. Maybe the anger I felt for his lack of communication was really taking hold. Or maybe this was what happened when you stayed with someone for a long period of time. Didn’t married couples always complain about this? That as soon as you get hitched, all the romance and passion flew out the window. It seemed that spending five years together was starting to have the same effect. Or maybe I was just pissed as hell that he’d been on campus an entire week and couldn’t bother to take two damn seconds to respond back to me until now.

I nudged Paulina with my elbow. As she turned toward me, I nodded toward my screen.

“Look who finally decided to text me back,” I whispered.

Her eyes flicked toward my computer. She scanned the message before turning her gaze back on me. “See! He texted you. I told you there was nothing to worry about.”

I huffed. “Yeah. An entire week later.”

Now it was her turn to roll her eyes. “He’s a guy, Eva. You can’t expect him to be perfect and Mr. Romantic all the time. Plus, he’s been wildly busy with that new assistantship. Cut him some slack.”

Maybe she was right. Maybe I was being ridiculous. But I couldn’t help this nagging feeling that something was off. It didn’t feel right. Connor and I had been inseparable foryears,and now it felt like we were growing apart. The frequency of our contact had slowly decreased since the beginning of summer, and it was starting to stress me out. And with the pressure of wrapping up my last year of the most difficult science courses and studying for the MCATs, it felt like I just needed some normalcy to even things out.

Putting my frustrations aside, I texted him back.

Me:Miss you too. And I understand. I’m in biochem right now with Paulina. Wanna do lunch after? Invite Brent and Caroline too.

Connor:That sounds good. Charlie’s?

Me:Yes! I’ve been craving their croissants.

Connor:Can you do 11?

I realized that he didn’t even know my schedule this semester since we hadn’t talked before picking out our classes. Another spike of insecurity shot through me. The last three years, we had planned all of our classes together to make sure we would have all the major courses at the same time. When I registered for this semester, the thought didn’t even cross my mind to ask him what he was taking, and it clearly didn’t cross his mind either.

Me:Yeah, that works. See you then.

I closed my laptop in frustration—a little too hard, as one of the girls in the row in front of me turned around and glared at me. I mouthed “sorry” to her. Seemingly satisfied, she faced the front of the room again.

The tiny arm desk squeaked under my weight as I leaned over to Paulina. “We’re going to lunch at Charlie’s.”

Her eyes grew wide. “Charlie’s? They don’t even have salads there. What the hell am I supposed to eat?”

All throughout high school, Paulina would obsess over her weight, and it got even worse when we transitioned into college freshmen. There were times when I thought she was bordering on an eating disorder, and when I tried to talk to her mom about it, she completely blew me off then told me I could stand to lose a little weight myself. It became clear that Paulina wasn’t just managing her weight for herself, but her mother was likely the driving force as to why she didn’t down an entire pizza like the rest of the teenagers in our class.

The first semester of our freshman year at Waterview, I had a come-to-Jesus moment with Paulina. I found out she was only allowing herself to have hummus and carrots the entire day so she could save calories for our nights out at the bars. I made it clear to her that if she didn’t start eating three meals a day, I was walking her ass to the college counselor’s office and she wouldn’t have a choice but to get help. It was the first major fight we had, but in the end, she realized how fucked up it was that she was starving herself just to satisfy her raging bitch of a mother.

Last spring, when she started to lose weight again, I got worried she might have been on a downhill slope. But she told me it was just stress from taking a full course load and volunteering at the hospital. Given everything she was doing, I couldn’t blame her for feeling overwhelmed. But I still kept a close eye on her.

“Seriously, Paulina? You’re skinnier than you were last year, and you were tiny then. I’m sure you could stand to eat something more than a fucking salad for lunch.”

“I’m thinner this year because I’vebeeneating salads. Does it have to be Charlie’s?”

I scowled. “Yes, it’s already done. Connor is texting Brent and Caroline.”

“Brent and Caroline are going to be there?” I could hear the hesitation in her voice.

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