Page 57 of Dare to Fall

He looked everywhere but at me. “Since January,” he mumbled.

“Since January?” I fumed, my voice raising higher by the second. “And when did you start sleeping with her?”

Connor’s shoulders dropped inward as he stared at his twiddling hands in his lap. He didn’t have to answer because I already knew.

“You were sleeping with her when we still had sex! You lying piece of shit. So, not only did you betray meandmake me feel bad for finally deciding to pursuemydreams, but you had sex with her while you were having unprotected sex with me.”

I stood up and paced in front of the bench. Every fiber in my body told me to run. It was too much. All of it. My thoughts were racing a million miles a minute. I felt disgusting, like I needed to take a scalding hot shower to wash away the stain of him. When I started birth control last year, he’d persuaded me into having unprotected sex. He’d said that there was no reason not to since we were committed to one another.

I trusted him with everything I had to give—my heart, my body, my future. The betrayal was worse than the ending, and I wasn’t sure how I would ever recover from this.

I could hardly stand to look at him, but I stopped right in front of him and said, “Look at me.”

He kept his head tilted down.

“Look at me!” I screamed, momentarily unaware of anyone else that might have been around us.

Tears spilled down his face as he looked up at me. They should have affected me, made my heart ache to see the man I loved in pain. But I felt nothing for him except blind rage.

“We’re done. When I walk away from you, I won’t spend another moment of my life giving you any more than what you’ve already taken. I don’t give a fuck if your professor loses her job or if you don’t get into medical school. You betrayed me over and over and over. There were a million moments since January when you could have been honest with me. You had countless opportunities to make the right decisions, but you didn’t. You’re a selfish person, Connor, and I’m done.”

I took in a deep breath, straightened my shoulders, and walked away.

29

Ping.

My phone went off for the millionth time this morning. I wasn’t able to bring myself to look at it yet. After the disastrous conversation with Connor yesterday, I went for a ten-mile run before coming back home to drown myself in ice cream. Drema and I stayed up way too late watching a combination of horror movies and comedies. We didn’t talk about any of the drama the entire night, and it was exactly what I needed to clear my head.

Garth sent me a text message last night, asking if I was okay. I couldn’t bring myself to respond because I honestly didn’t know how I felt. It was all so confusing. Part of me was relieved that everything was over between Connor and me. Despite his betrayal, it felt like things had been over between us for a long time. I just wasn’t expecting that the reason behind it all was a nine-month affair with a professor who he clearly loved more than he ever loved me.

And with all the craziness going on, I didn’t have enough time to schedule an appointment with the school counselor to discuss my change in major. Not to mention that the best source of information on how to become a freelance artist was the very guy who rejected my kiss just two nights ago. Although he had good reason to do so, I still felt like a complete idiot.

Ping.

“Ughhh,” I groaned as I threw my pillow over my face and covered my ears with it.

I knew exactly what would be waiting for me when I opened all the text messages. Connor likely had informed the group that we had broken up, and they’d all want my side of the story. But I just wasn’t ready to give it to them. Plus, I hadn’t decided whether or not I would tell anyone about Connor and his…new relationship. He was a complete ass who broke my heart in more ways than one, but I didn’t want to lower myself to his level of treachery just because I was pissed off at him.

I threw the pillow off my face and peeled one eye open just to immediately shut it as the bright rays of the sun blasted through my window, assaulting my vision. All I wanted was to go back to sleep where I was blissfully unaware of the shitstorm that was about to go down. But the sooner I dealt with it, the sooner I could move on with my life.

So, I opened my eyes and blinked against the bright light streaming through my window until they adjusted. I piled my pillows on top of one another and sat up against them.

Here goes nothing, I thought to myself and grabbed my phone from the nightstand.

As the screen lit up, the first notification was a news alert from Florida Today. The headline read ‘Florida’s Largest University Reaches an All-Time Low with Professor-Student Scandal.’

What the fuck?

I tapped on the notification, and it brought up the news article. My eyes scanned the page as I read through the scathing article. It was about Connor and the biostatistics professor. The author didn’t mention their names, but given the information, I knew it was about them.

How the hell did this get out so fast?

I thought about the people I’d told and wondered who could have released the information to the press within just two days. There was no way that Drema would do something like that, and Garth would have no reason to interfere with Connor’s issues.

My mind whirled with all the possibilities. Maybe another student saw them. They clearly weren’t being that careful if they were making out in her lab for anyone to walk in and see.

My stomach fluttered with anxiety. This was even more of a mess than I thought it was going to be. I tapped out of the news article and opened my text messages. There were several from Connor and Paulina, and our group thread had over twenty unread messages. I opened the one from Connor first.

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