Page 55 of Dare to Fall

I debated texting Garth last night to apologize for being a total asshole.

He was right. Last night, I was in no condition to be kissing another man when I technically still had a boyfriend. It wasn’t fair to Garth or to me to add any more confusion to the current situation. And it wasn’t fair that he abided by the ground rules I had set earlier that evening.

Half the night I spent crying over Connor’s betrayal, and the other half I spent crying over my own stupidity with Garth.

I could still see the hesitation on his face when I leaned in to kiss him, and it killed me that I put him in that position. I was vulnerable, and he was there, trying to make me feel better by taking me somewhere really special, and I ruined it all. He’d said he would wait for me to figure everything out, but after what I pulled last night, I wasn’t sure if his words still held true.

I hoped they did, because I wanted so badly to unchain myself from all the drama and start living the way I was meant to. There was so much to do, and it felt like the clock was quickly ticking down. I needed to meet with Connor and tell him everything that I knew. My stomach roiled at the thought of facing him, but I knew I had to. Unlike him, I would face my problems head-on instead of cowering behind bad decisions.

It felt strange, knowing that my five-year relationship with the man I thought I was going to marry was about to end. Every part of my journey had been altered to suit his desires, and now I was about to end all of it. Change was coming from so many directions, and it felt…exhilarating. My heart still ached when the image of Connor and his professor entered my mind, but it hurt in the way that all endings did, when the comfort of familiarity slipped away and you were forced to embark on a new journey. It felt intimidating, and doubt lingered in the back of my mind, questioning if I was about to royally fuck up my entire life.

But something bigger told me it would be okay. Somehow, someway, I would make it work. I had to. While I was still navigating through the mess of emotions, there was a sense of clarity among the muck. I finally knew whatIwanted, and I felt empowered to go for it.

At some point, I would need to speak with the school counselor to get my classes sorted out. My mind drifted to Garth as I wondered what the best course of action to becoming a photographer was. His hazel eyes haunted me ever since he rode his motorcycle into the night, leaving me at the bottom of the stairs to my apartment, wanting nothing more than to ride off with him.

It made me wonder if all this was happening for a reason. Connor falling for a professor the summer before our senior year of college. The re-discovery of my love for photography during a pivotal moment of my life. And Garth walking into my classroom just a few weeks before everything would be unveiled to me.

Excitement started to swell in my chest at all the possibilities that laid ahead. But first I needed to fix what was right in front of me. It was the only way I could move on.

So, I wiped the makeup away and washed my face to get ready for the day. I checked on Drema as I walked to my room. She was still fast asleep in her bed. Last night, she got home a few hours later than I did. When she tried to console me, I told her I needed some space to think on my own. Now that it was morning and my mind was a little clearer, I couldn’t help but wonder what she had been up to that lasted hours after the exhibit was closed.

I grabbed my phone from the nightstand. A thread of group text messages lit up the screen. Saturday meant that it was our group brunch date, which I had completely forgotten about until just now. There was no way in hell I was going to see Connor with our friends before I talked to him alone. I wasn’t sure what our friend group would look like after our relationship ended since we were the glue that held everyone together.

A problem to think about on another day.

I sent a private text to Connor, asking him if we could meet up on our own by the lake downtown. When he agreed to meet, I replied to the group messages and let the other three know we wouldn’t be joining them. A few complaints rolled in from Brent and Paulina, but not a word from Caroline, which was expected given she and I weren’t exactly seeing eye to eye lately. She was probably glad I wouldn’t be joining them.

A light knock tapped on my bedroom door. I turned around to find Drema standing sleepily in my doorway.

“Hey, you.” I grinned. “You got home pretty late. I’m surprised you’re even awake right now.”

She stretched her arms out to the side as her mouth grew wide with a yawn. Spirals of her fiery red hair stuck out in all directions.

“You got home earlier than I expected. Did everything go okay with Garth last night?” she asked.

I plopped on the bed and tapped the spot next to me, inviting her to join me. She padded over and climbed onto the bed, crossing her legs underneath herself.

“Well, it started out well until I messed everything up.” I sighed and pulled a pillow into my lap. “He took me to this amazing place where we could see the stars. It was probably the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. We talked, and things just felt so…right. Other than you, I’ve never had someone tell me it’s okay for me to pursue my own dreams or at least give them a try. Connor was always set on us doing this medical school thing together, and I didn’t want to disappoint him—or his parents. So, I did it. But spending time with Garth has shown me how twisted the whole relationship was. Never once did Connor ask me if I even wanted to become a doctor. He just assumed it was what I would want since it was what he wanted.”

“I think I’m missing the part where you messed up.” Drema raised a brow at me.

I rolled my eyes and said, “I tried to kiss him.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed, her eyes growing wide.

“Yeah, ‘oh’ is exactly right. He didn’t want to kiss me because I’m technically still dating Connor. I told him what Connor did and that I was going to end it, but he still refused to kiss me. I feel like such an idiot for putting him in that position.” I dragged my hands over my face and let my head drop into them.

“I don’t think he thinks any less of you, Eva. I mean, he couldn’t keep his eyes off you the entire night. Honestly, it sounds like he was just trying to be respectful and make sure that you weren’t about to make a mistake while you were feeling upset and confused.”

I looked up at her. “You really think so?”

“Yeah, I do. You two are magnetic. Where you move, he moves. I’ve never seen anything like it before.”

“I’ve neverfeltanything like this before. Being with him feels like I’m falling. It’s exhilarating and freeing. And somehow, he still makes me feel safe and comfortable. I don’t have to pretend when I’m around him. It feels like I can finally breathe and just be myself.”

“I’m really excited for you, Eva. You deserve to be happy and to have someone who truly values who you are after spending so much time being suppressed by Connor. Speaking of which, have you thought about what you’re going to do?”

I bit my lower lip as a tingling sensation crawled up my spine. “Yes. I’m meeting him this morning at the lake downtown. I’m going to tell him what I saw and that we can’t be together anymore.”

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