Page 44 of Dare to Fall

I nodded, and after several long moments, I took in a deep breath and continued. “I found him in the biostatistics lab. I was about to walk in and talk to him about everything, but when I looked through the door window, I saw him…” The words caught in my throat as my stomach twisted in knots.

“I saw him kissing another woman,” I sobbed. There was no use in wiping away the tears. They ran like twin rivers down my face, splashing onto my tank top. The evidence of Connor’s betrayal carved a hole into the very essence of my being. I’d never known pain like this before. It was as if someone was stabbing my heart over and over again. Relentless, agonizing pain rippled through me.

“Oh, Eva.” Drema’s lip quivered. She took the mug of tea from my hands and set it next to hers, then she took my shuddering body into her arms again. She held me until the shaking stopped and my eyes were too swollen to shed anymore tears.

“It all makes sense now. He didn’t come home the entire summer. He told me it was because of his new research assistant position, and I believed him. I thought he just needed the space to make this final push before his applications were due. Halfway through the summer, I called him and asked if I could come stay with him in his apartment for the weekend because I missed him so much. Do you know what he said to me?”

Drema just shook her head.

“He told me he was so busy he would barely have enough time to hang out with me, so I should just stay home. Once again, I believed him. All the while, he was probably just saying that so he could be withher,” I fumed.

It was the first hint of anger I felt. An ember amongst all the darkness, I clung to it with everything I had. A beacon of survival. I knew I wouldn’t last long if I kept in this state of sorrow, so I let the anger wash over me, let it seep into the cracks of my shattered heart.

“And it wasn’t just some random girl, Drema. He was kissing his professor.”

“Oh my God,” she gasped. “Are you sure it was his professor?”

I pulled away from her embrace to look her in the eyes. “I’m positive. The science department sent out their newsletter, and I saw the picture of her in it. She’s the new biostatistics professor that everyone’s been talking about. When they stopped kissing, I saw her.” I sniffed and rubbed the back of my hand against my raw nose.

Drema’s gaze flicked down to her twiddling hands then back up to my face. “I’m so, so sorry, Eva. I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling right now. What did you do when you saw them?”

“I just stood there,” I whispered. “I’m not even sure how long. I was in such shock that he would do something like that. Never in a million years did I think that Connor would be the type of guy to cheat. It was like my mind couldn’t register that what I was seeing was real. But when I saw that it was his professor, I just ran. I didn’t even know where I was headed until I ran through our front door. I just can’t believe it, Drema. I can’t believe that he would do this to me. And this entire time, I thought I was the problem, that maybe I wasn’t doing enough to keep the relationship strong.”

“Of course you were doing enough.” She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Wherever he went, you followed. From the moment I met you, your entire life has been about Connor and your friends. No one who knows you would ever say that you didn’t do enough for him.”

Her words stung. Not only because I knew they were true and it still wasn’t enough for Connor to remain faithful, but because my entire life really was about Connor. As soon as we started dating, any dreams I’d had for myself were forfeited. I wanted to fit in with him and his high-profile parents so badly I forgot about everything that made me happy. The pieces of my individuality faded away until I became the perfect match for Connor O’Brien. When he was forced to make the decision to follow in his parents’ footsteps, I tossed out any aspirations for becoming a photographer.

And it was all for nothing. Every sacrifice I made to protect him from his parents’ judgment was a loss. All the years I spent studying something that didn’t make me happy were wasted on a man who tossed me to the side to fulfill his own sick pleasure.

The anger bubbled up, choking off the feelings of grief and sadness.

“I can’t believe I didn’t see it. I was totally oblivious to all of it. This whole time I was complaining about how he wasn’t spending any time with me, and when he did, he acted like a complete ass. And he had the audacity to get mad at me when I told him about my change in major. All the while he’s probably screwing his professor to keep his research position.” A haggard chuckle escaped my lips. “He’s probably going to ask her for a letter of recommendation too.”

“What are you going to do?” Drema asked.

I bit my lower lip, and the taste of salt buzzed on my tongue from the dried tears. “I don’t know yet.”

“Do you think they saw you?”

“I don’t think so. They were pretty wrapped up in each other.”

The vivid details of Connor running his hands down her face as he kissed her with feverish passion was forever imprinted into my mind. There was no way I would be able to forget what I saw when I looked through that window. Nor would I forget the pain that clutched my heart. How could I have been this stupid? All the signs were there, and I refused to see them for what they were.

What did that say about me? Was I really that willing to let a man treat me like I was invisible? I had made countless excuses for his behavior, and now the truth was out. He had no intention of working on our relationship, not while his tongue was down another woman’s throat. Especially since that woman was able to give him everything he needed to fulfill his master plan of becoming another egotistical doctor who only cared about himself.

Drema glanced at her watch, and I gasped. “Holy shit, Drema! I completely forgot. You have to get ready for the exhibit tonight.” I jumped off the couch and moved toward her workstation. “What do you need help with? Do we need to wrap up the canvases or something?” I swayed a bit on unsteady legs as I looked around frantically for anything I could help with.

She giggled. “Calm down, Eva. All my pieces are already installed at the exhibit. I did it earlier this week. I was just checking to see if I needed to start getting ready yet. But there’s plenty of time. And you are in no state to help me with anything right now. You need to focus on yourself and whatyouneed right now.”

I plopped back down on the couch and took Drema’s hand in mine. “I honestly don’t know what I need. Everything is so fucked up. It hurts to think about it anymore because, every time I do, all I see is Connor kissing that woman. I can’t see past that right now.”

“The only thing I do know is I really don’t want to be alone.” I looked up at Drema. “I know I’m a total wreck right now and probably shouldn’t be anywhere in public, but would you mind if I still came with you tonight?”

She smiled at me, and her blue eyes sparkled. “Of course I don’t mind. In fact, I was going to suggest it.”

For the first time since walking into the math building today, I felt a sense of peace. While my entire world felt like it was burning to ash, I realized I found a friend amongst the rubble. Drema had been in front of me this entire time, and I didn’t notice her—truly notice her—until now. An amazing friend who I knew had my back no matter what decisions I made. When we were together, there was no pressure to fit into a mold that wasn’t genuine to me. She never made fun of other people or judged them for their mistakes. Drema was kind and compassionate, and she knew exactly what she wanted out of life. An inspiration that pushed me to want to be better, to find the authentic version of myself that was buried beneath the layers of facade.

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