Page 43 of Dare to Fall

My body seized, completely unable to move, forced to watch the man I loved lay his lips on another woman, his hands gently cradling the sides of her face. There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t scream or run away. I was in shock. All the thoughts that had been whirling through my mind as I tried to sort through all the ways to bring us back together, to make us what we had been, were gone. My mind was void of anything.

Connor pulled back from the woman and rubbed his thumb along her cheek—the same way he used to do to me. I knew the look he gave her. It was as though she was the only woman in the entire world. A single tear slid down my cheek.

Everything was coming together now. Slowly. He never came home over the summer, not even once, to spend time with me, even though summers were our favorite time together. The distance he put between us when I arrived for the fall semester. I just thought he needed some guy time with Brent to take the pressure off medical school applications. But no. It wasn’t any of that. This entire time, he was with another woman. And the way he looked at her…my heart cracked wide open.

When the woman leaned into his touch, she craned her neck to the side, exposing her face.

“What the fuck?” I breathed out.

It was the new biostatistics professor. Her headshot was pictured all over the latest newsletter the science department sent out because she just received a huge grant for her research. It was the same professor Connor had spent the summer working with. Not only was my boyfriend making out with another woman, he was making out with a fucking professor. The person who graded his assignments and gave him a coveted research assistant position.

Clasping a hand over my mouth, I stepped back, letting the door handle ease up so they wouldn’t see me standing there. A staggering numbness crept over my entire body as everything I just witnessed sank deep into my bones. Connor was cheating on me. And not just with some random person. He was cheating on me with a renowned research professor that every guy across campus had been talking about because she was so damn beautiful. She had everything. Good looks, an established career, and the guy I was in love with—while I looked like a haggard hot mess who could barely get her shit together.

I grasped the wall opposite the door to keep myself steady. Silent tears streamed down my face as I wavered from the dizzying assault of rapid thoughts. I had to get out of there. All my focus went to putting one foot in front of another—faster and faster. The world blurred around me as I started to run as fast as I could. There was nowhere to go, no place to hide from the ache that was cleaving my chest in two.

So, I just ran and ran and ran.

23

The door slammedagainst the wall as I barreled into the apartment. I wasn’t even sure how I got there, my mind was in such a haze. Keys clattered to the floor as my legs finally gave out from under me. The tile was unforgiving on my knees as they slammed into the ground.

“Eva!” I heard Drema’s voice, though it sounded distant as if she were under water.

A blurry depiction of her face appeared before me. I felt her wipe the tears from my cheeks, and at the same time, I didn’t feel anything. I was a tornado of emotions and a void of nothingness all at once. If this was what it meant to love, I didn’t want it. I didn’t want it ever again.

“Eva, what happened?” she asked as she rubbed my back in slow, soothing circles.

Still, I couldn’t respond. The words wouldn’t leave my mouth. So, I just looked at her through hazy eyes and shook my head before the tears started falling again. Drema took me in her arms and rocked us back and forth on the floor of our foyer. Another wave of agonizing sobs broke free from my aching chest as Drema held me tighter.

“Shhh,” she whispered. “It’s going to be okay. I promise it’s all going to be okay.”

I didn’t know how long we sat there for, but the fog eventually cleared from my mind, and she moved me onto the sofa where I sat with my bruised knees pulled up to my chest. She walked in from the kitchen, two mugs of hot tea in her hands. As she extended one mug to me, she sat down on the other end of the couch just like she had a few nights ago.

I took a sip of the peppermint tea. The hot liquid soothed my raw throat. I wished it could soothe my broken heart, but I had a feeling there was nothing that could mend that.

It all felt like a terrible dream. That I would wake up tomorrow and everything would be as it should be. Connor and I worked out all our issues, and what I saw in the biostatistics lab was simply a figment of my imagination, some wicked image I conjured up in my mind.

I mindlessly tapped my fingernails along the side of the mug. “It was Connor. This whole entire time, it was Connor,” I rasped before taking another sip of tea to ease the tenderness of my throat.

“What do you mean?” Drema asked gingerly.

“This entire time, I thought something was wrong with me. I felt like he was acting strange because of something I did. That when I told him I wanted to change my career path, it was all too much for him.” I flicked my gaze up to meet hers. “After class this morning, I went to find him in the research lab to see if we could work everything out. I love him, and I didn’t want things to end because we had one small disagreement,” I choked out. Fresh tears rimmed my eyes, and it made me wonder if they would ever stop coming.

My lip quivered as I let out a long exhale. “As soon as I walked into the building, I knew something was off. I could feel it in my gut with every step I took.” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ward off the memory, but it was useless. That moment would be seared into my mind forever.

When I opened my eyes again, I tried to focus on Drema sitting before me. There was no urgency in her expression. No pressure for me to continue with the story. And in that moment, I felt so thankful that Drema was the friend sitting on the couch with me instead of Paulina or Caroline, because I knew both of them would be pushing me to spill all the details ontheirterms, not my own.

Warmth seeped into my icy hands as I grasped the mug tighter. The soft give of the sofa felt comforting as I dug my feet into it. I needed to feel the tangibility of my reality because it all felt so unreal.

“Do you need me to get you anything else? A blanket, maybe?” She set her tea on the coffee table and moved to get up.

“No!” I blurted. “Please don’t go.”

“Okay.” She smiled at me and sat back down on the sofa. “I’m not going anywhere.”

I smiled nervously at her. “Thank you. I’m sorry. I’m just such a wreck right now, and I don’t want to be alone.”

“It’s okay, Eva.” Reaching over, she gave my wrist a squeeze. “I’m here no matter what. If you want to talk about it, I’ll listen. If you need to just sit here and cry, I’ll be with you. I’m not going to leave you alone, okay?”

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