Page 42 of Dare to Fall

He let out a half-hearted chuckle. “We wouldn’t want you scaring anyone off. Sure. Yeah, I’ll go with you.”

“Good, it’s settled then.”

Lucas looked at me again, and a little more color tinged the high points of his face. “Thank you for coming here. You were the only person I could call.”

“I’ll always come when you need me. You’re my brother, Lucas.” I joined him as he rose from his leather office chair. “I promise we will figure this out.”

The weight on my chest lifted as I noticed his eyes were a shade brighter than when I had first walked into his office.

He walked around his desk and gave me a quick embrace. As he pulled back, his hand landed on my right shoulder and he said, “I hope you’re right.”

22

Eva

I stretchedmy arms up over my head, feeling the rush of blood fall from my hands. It was Friday, the day of Drema’s long-awaited art exhibit. I should have been excited that my friend finally had the opportunity to show off her hard work, but I just…wasn’t. Both of my hands dropped to my sides as I let out a long sigh and rolled over to face the window. This was Drema’s big shot to network and show established artists and gallery owners what she was capable of. And instead of supporting her, I was wallowing in bed, contemplating a way to get out of it.

The truth was, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to see Garth after running out on him during breakfast. Every time I saw the man, I felt overwhelmed to give in to the desires of my body. I wanted to run my hands through his thick black hair and feel the soft skin of his lips on mine. Despite my desperate efforts of running countless miles every day and taking ice baths, I still couldn’t get the feeling of our bodies touching out of my damn mind.

It was wrong. Totally and completely wrong. Connor’s and my relationship was hanging on by a thread, and I was lying in my bed, daydreaming about another man.

Garth’s looks weren’t the only thing that was on my mind, either. When he talked to me, it felt like he could see past the painted-on exterior and into the depths of my soul that were hidden even to me. I hardly knew the man, and he went out of his way to tell me I should do what makesmehappy, regardless of what others might think. His conviction in everything he said to me was shocking. Sure, I knew people who cared about what they did for a living. I knew that Connor was enveloped in becoming a doctor and all that meant to him beyond helping people. But Garth was different. It was like he knew the pain of keeping up a facade would eventually wear me down.

It already was wearing me down.

Still, he wasn’t my boyfriend. It was time for me to really put some energy into making things work between Connor and me. I couldn’t let five years go down the drain because we’d had a few lousy months. If I was expecting for him to work at our relationship, I needed to be willing to do the same. Since our discussion the other day, I thought that maybe my disclosure of wanting to change career paths was an even greater shock to Connor than I thought it would be because I didn’t give him any time to process it. I was expecting for him to give me a perfect response when I revealed something that would change the entire trajectory of our lives together.

There was still so much left for me to figure out, but I knew that I wouldn’t be going to medical school within the next year or two. I’d had weeks to sort through my feelings about it all, while Connor only had a few seconds.

There was no way in hell I was going to give up this easily. While there was a definite hitch in our plans, I couldn’t see why me changing career paths meant that our relationship had to end. If he’d realized that becoming a doctor wasn’t what he wanted to do anymore, I would have supported him in the decision. Hopefully, he would do the same for me once he got used to the idea and I figured out my own plan.

I just wanted us to get back to normal. Ineededus to get back to normal, especially since my entire future was now a gaping unknown.

There was so much good in him, and I felt like he was trying to push it to the side as a way of dealing with all the pressure from his parents. The O’Briens expected nothing but perfection, and everything Connor had worked for his entire life was leading up to this final moment. I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to have my parents’ love for me wrapped up in my ability to succeed. Still, it was no excuse for the way he was treating me.

An obnoxious sound blared through my room. I rolled over and yanked my phone from the nightstand to shut off the loud alarm. I had learned the hard way that I needed an alarm that could wake the dead if I was going to make it to my early classes on time. Unfortunately for me, my mind decided to wake itself up this morning—forty-five minutes early.

A stream of profanities flew from my mouth as I padded into the bathroom. Cold water ran from the faucet as I stared at myself in the mirror, waiting for it to warm up. Damn, I looked tired. Lately, it didn’t matter how much sleep I got, I still looked like hell. Deep blue-and-purple bags sat snuggly under my eyes. My skin looked dull and dehydrated. I was in need of some serious self-care to defend against all this stress, or I’d wind up with a face full of wrinkles before I reached thirty.

As I washed my face and brushed my teeth, I ran through a multitude of excuses I could give Drema for skipping out on her tonight. None of them were good enough. Of all my friends, she was the one I wanted to be around the most right now. She had a way of calming me down while also giving me the support I needed.

I was kicking myself for not taking our friendship seriously for the past three years. While I’d always been kind to her, I never went out of my way to truly befriend Drema. I was so wrapped up in spending time with Connor and hanging out with Paulina and Caroline that I brushed Drema to the side. And now she was the only one I could depend on. It was strange how quickly everything had shifted in such a short period of time. It wasn’t that long ago when I would spend nearly every night with Connor and our friends. Now, I hardly saw them at all.

I toweled off my dripping face and pondered what Drema’s reaction would be when I told her I wouldn’t be coming tonight. As much as I wanted to be there for her, I couldn’t risk running into Garth again when I needed to focus on fixing things with Connor. I was tired of fighting with him, and if I was going to take the leap and make a huge career change, I would need him by my side. One way or another, we would fix this.

Paulina wasn’t in Biochemistry that morning. I checked my phone as I walked out of the auditorium to see if she’d texted me, but there was nothing. No missed calls or texts from her letting me know she wouldn’t be in class. It wasn’t like her to miss classes, especially this close to an exam, so I typed out a message to her, asking if she was okay.

Halfway through class, I realized I needed to make a move with Connor. Something more than the stress of school was bothering him. I could feel it. The way he was acting since we got back for fall semester was so uncharacteristic of him. Normally, he’d text me every morning and night, and we’d spend at least a few hours together every day. I knew we hadn’t necessarily been getting along the past few weeks, but he’d been acting strange before I told him about my decision to not pursue medical school anymore.

When my mind drifted to Garth while the professor was discussing lipids and carbohydrates, I wondered if the reason my body reacted so intensely was because I hadn’t had sex in almost six months. Connor didn’t come home the entire summer because of the research assistantship he had gotten, and it wasn’t like he’d pursued me since I got back to campus. I preferred to be the one being chased, but I knew he had a lot of pressure on his shoulders, and maybe he needed me to take some initiative for a while. So that was exactly what I planned to do.

Instead of taking my normal route back to the apartment, I headed toward the math department. Connor mentioned he had some research hours slotted on Fridays at the biostatistics lab.

With no plan in place or any idea as to what I would say to him, I still wanted to make it work. Whatever was going on with him, we would work through it. We were able to stand by one another through so many things, and this would be no different. I loved him, and he loved me. This was just a minor bump in the road on our long journey together. It was normal for couples to have arguments and for there to be lulls in the relationship. What was the point in being with someone if you were only dedicated during the happy moments?

A knot formed in my stomach as I pulled open the heavy metal door to the math department building. I couldn’t tell if it was nerves or excitement. I voted for the latter as I walked through the door. Cold air blasted me, leaving a trail of goosebumps over my entire body. Weaving my way through a hall of students, I eyed the metal panels on the doors, searching for the biostatistics lab. As the space cleared out with students filing in and out of the classrooms, I neared the end of the hallway. On the right, I spotted the correct lab room.

Butterflies swirled in my stomach as I placed my hand on the door handle and pushed down. I peered through the rectangle of glass in the door, and my heart stopped beating. The world tilted on its axis. Oxygen flooded my lungs as I inhaled sharply. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that when I opened them, I wouldn’t see what I just saw. But as they fluttered open and took in the sight of Connor kissing another woman, bile rose in my throat. As if my eyes were glued to a horrific train wreck, I couldn’t look away.

---