Page 74 of Fever

Chapter Twenty

Santana

The next day

The megachurch was filled to capacity, and everything from its interior to the layered cake had been designed with a one of a kind unique touch. My bridesmaids consisted of all my girls who were shuffling around me in circles, making sure I was perfectly put together. They had done all they could, and I had to admit the crème colored gown I wore was resplendent right down to the crème veil that hung over my face just short of my nose. My hair had been curled and twisted so elegantly that I was in awe of it.

This moment was everything I had hoped for, and yet, I… was… in… hell. The night before, I’d managed to talk myself into telling Josiah that I couldn’t go through with this wedding. I drove for hours before finally pulling over to the bar at the end of the corner two streets over from my home. Even the gin and tonic couldn’t calm my nerves enough to do what I needed to. Several times, I’d dialed his number only to backtrack and remove the digits from my phone. Would he hate me for going through it all only to back out at the end? My heart knocked against my chest as I felt weighed down by my indecision. I was in love with him, so much so, that no matter how this went I would most likely end up broken.

If I told Josiah I couldn’t go through with it, I could lose him forever. If I finished what we started, my heart would suffer knowing what we had just wasn’t real. I fought so hard with myself that I’d left the bar to take a walk, mildly noticing the rough winds and tumultuous rain that sunk into my skin. With my eyes straight forward but my mind in another place, I walked like a ghost, lost and looking for shelter. It was a sudden gust of wind that let me know I’d walked into a storm so urgent that I would be physically sick if I didn’t get out of it. The thought should have made me trudge back to my car. But it didn’t. Fact of the matter was, I was already sick. Mentally. I’d stop walking and had been standing still for seconds when my focus cleared, and I saw Josiah jogging toward me.

At first, I thought I saw an apparition until he was so close that the familiar scent I loved comforted me in knowing he was real. Immediately, I wanted to apologize and just get it over with. But the look of anguish in his eyes kept me silent.

“Don’t leave me,” he’d said. And although he begged, I knew once the words left his mouth, I was all in, even if I couldn’t have him the way I wanted him. I would never leave unless he pushed me away.

Standing in front of the full-length mirror, my eyes traveled up and down the mermaid styled dress, the pearls around my neck and in my ears, the red lipstick against my lips, and I wondered who I was. I remained a girl living a dream. A fantasy come true only outwardly.

“Okay, girl,” Desiree said, coming to stand next to me. “Are you ready? The music has started, and I’ve got to get in position.” I numbly nodded. “Are you sure?” she asked, concern in her voice.

I pulled my eyes away from my image and smiled at her.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

A broad smile eased across her face, and there was a knock at the door. Samiyah opened it, and my father entered. Seeing him made tears cloud my vision, and I trembled but didn’t speak. My dad walked up to me with his arms out, and I fell into them and cried softly.

“Sssssh,” he cooed. “Everything will be all right.”

“I’m scared, Daddy.”

“I know, you’re supposed to be. Your mother and I were terrified. For a minute, I didn’t think she’d make it out of the back room in our church.” He chuckled, and it made me wonder how Josiah was feeling.

I tried to straighten up and couldn’t help but be tickled at the sight of Desiree standing next to me with the makeup kit in her hand.

“All right now, this is the last time I can do this, so no crying until your man sees you, girl.” She padded my face lightly to smooth over the slight mess I’d made with my tears. “Breath deep,” she said, and I did like I was going into labor. “Okay, gotta go, I’ll see you on the other side future Mrs. Rose.” She smiled and sashayed away.

My father linked our arms together, and we stood before the door.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you, too, Daddy.”

The music changed. “That’s our cue.”

I put on a brave front with my head lifted and shoulders back. The doors opened simultaneously, and we walked out. Everyone stood to their feet when we entered. Oohs and Oh my God she’s so beautiful swirled around me in whispers. My eyes landed on Josiah standing dashing in an all-black tuxedo with a red tie. The suit fit his muscular frame with such definition that it was he that made the suit and not the other way around. My steps paused as my heart raced and suddenly I felt parched.

My father whispered, “You’re doing great. One step at a time.”

I smiled up at him, grateful that he was at my side. Doing as he said, I made it to the altar, and that’s when I noticed the microphone in Josiah’s hand. He stepped forward and reached out to me, cloaking the warmth of his palms with mine. He helped me to stand next to him, and the train from my dress was pulled around by my father.

At last, Josiah faced me. “You are the most beautiful person in this world. I’ve never seen anyone as radiant as you.”

I blushed but wanted to cry at the same time.

“Thank you, so are you” was all I could manage.

“Forgive me,” he said.

My brows crinkled, slightly confused by what he said. Then he released my hands and stepped forward, lifting the microphone to his mouth.

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