Page 55 of Only If You Dare

“What do you want to know?”

“Why don’t you trust men?”

“Before I answer that question, do you see yourself as a trustworthy man, Julian?”

“Of course.”

Keeping a keen eye on me, Desiree’s shoulders relaxed. I wondered if it was any indication that I’d squashed her worries.

“Tell me.”

She grabbed my hand and turned away from me. “Let’s continue walking,” she said.

We moved down the beachfront shoreline; the silence between us lingering. I let Desiree gather her thoughts without questioning her again.

“It started a long time ago,” she began, “when my father left.” A deep breath escaped her. “He told me he’d be back. Like everything was as normal as any other day. But he never came back. The night before, he and my mother were fighting. It started with the usual argument. She asked him where he’d been and he said working. She accused him of lying, and he screamed about her wanting all the bills paid and the kids taken care of, so what did she expect him to be doing with the hours of his life. I should’ve known then they would never last, but I was naive. They were my parents, after all. Usually, they’d have those arguments then go on, business as usual, the next day.

I could tell it drove my mother crazy because my father got up in the morning, showered, dressed, and pulled my mom away from her morning duties to dance around the kitchen. I figured it bothered her more because she wasn’t over the argument from the night before and his disappearing acts became stressful to her. But the next morning, after this particular argument, there was no dancing, no conversation, only quietness as they walked around each other making sure not to touch. My father hugged Claudia and I and kissed us goodbye.

Her voice trembled.

“He lied, telling us he would be back when he knew he wouldn’t.”

A single tear slid down her face, and I pulled her into me.

“No,” she said, pushing back. “I’m okay.” Desiree wiped the single tear and forged ahead with her story. “He wasn’t the singular cause of my distrust in men.”

Her voice changed, going from soft to a throaty, intoxicating heaviness that she didn’t know turned me on. It wasn’t the best time for my thoughts to travel that direction, but it became more apparent that I couldn’t control myself around her.

“Tell me,” I said edging her on, wanting to be her confidant in every sense of the word.

“Throughout my young adult years, I was adamant about making a name for myself. After my father left, Claudia and I got in more trouble than we could handle. It ended up landing us in juvie.”

She took a peek at me to see how I reacted to the information, but my face held neutral showing her nothing.

“I ended up dropping out of high school.”

Desiree peeked at me again.

“It was one of the things I regret most about my life.” She continued. “However, I took a GED test a few months afterward and failed. It did surprise me because I knew I was book smart. I took the test three times before I passed it. Three years, rigorous studying and I finally got it.”

She glanced at me again, and this time I offered her a smile.

“Congratulations, I’m sure your mom and sister were proud.”

“That’s just it,” she said, “They never knew.”

I watched her more intently as she spoke. “I set my alarm and got up every day like clockwork and walked Claudia to the bus stop. She got on going to middle school, and I pretended to wait for the high school bus. No sooner than her bus pulled off, I caught a city bus downtown to the school I attended for GED classes.” She sighed. “I was ashamed. As the oldest, I should’ve stepped up once my father left. My mom needed the help, and I was old enough to get a job with her consent. I should’ve looked after Claudia, but instead, we ended up in juvie together.” Desiree shook her head. “Once I graduated, I went straight to a community school for journalism.”

I reached out and tucked a strand of hair that had fallen out of her scarf behind her ear.

“I only needed a two-year degree for associates. While I went to school, I looked for jobs everywhere but Chicago. I believed deep down that if I got away from the city, I could escape my demons and start fresh. So I did.”

Desiree paused, and I could see an inner struggle with what she wanted to say next.

“The Houston Report was the first response I received for a job offer. Like I told you before, I studied, planned, and prepared for my move. But, what I didn’t expect was how lonely it would be without my mom and Claudia. How lonely it would be without anyone.”

Her voice lowered, then she looked at me again, this time holding my gaze.

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