Page 59 of Safe With Me

When I was younger, I’d had no choice but to believe her, because why would my own mother lie to me? And despite that, I still, even to this day, didn’t think she had done it on purpose.

I had no recollection of a time when my parents were happy together. For as long as I could remember, they’d fought abouteverything. While I’d hated leaving our house and my dad, I still remembered the relief when they’d begun living apart.

I’d tense up on weekends when my father would pick me up, but he’d never played into her attempts to pick a fight.

She’d tell me later that it was because he didn’t care. I’d learned as I got older that he’d never reacted because he was the only one of them who’d put me first.

She’d never gotten over my father or been able to let go. My aunt Kristina had told me that fixating on my father was her twisted way of staying connected to him.

I’d distanced myself from my mother ever since I was a teenager, but I always worried about her. While my father’s sister had her own bias against the woman who tortured her brother and traumatized me in the process, Aunt Kristina was spot-on.

Openly and actively hating my father was my mother’s way of holding on to him, however fucked up it was.

Her second husband had never offered her much, other than a big house and a more-than-comfortable lifestyle. He worked all the time and had never bothered to make any kind of connection with me. He’d claimed he wasn’t good with kids, but I’d also looked exactly like the man his wife was still obsessed with, so I’d never blamed him for his automatic resentment of me.

“I’ll try, Mom, but you know how it is over the summer. I’m still new on the force.”

“Haven’t you been a cop for two summers already? You should have some kind of seniority as to when you want vacation, or is Kelly Lakes still that backward? If you can’t this summer, come in the fall. Or whenever. I’d like to see my only son more than once per year whenIcome to see him.”

“I’ll try. The summer is kind of our busy season here with all the kids out from school.”

“You didn’t have to become a cop, you know. I always thought you’d become an architect.”

“Why, Mom?” I had to laugh. “Because I used to like to build LEGO?”

“No. You had your father’s knack for building beautiful things. I hate that you’re wasting it there.”

I clenched my eyes shut for a second. When I’d hear the pain in her voice, I could almost forget the venom she’d let out before and after. So as per usual, I’d bite my tongue to hold back from hurting her anymore.

“I’m not wasting anything, Mom. This is what I want to do.”

She’d never understood why I wanted to become a cop. I could never explain it to either of my parents. But my father would try to understand.

“Listen, I have to go. I’ll call you later.”

“All right,” she said. “Stay safe, please.”

The whole conversation took me back to my childhood when I’d go see my father for the weekend and he’d fill it with two days of fun. Then I’d come home and have to hide it from her.

After I’d been living with my father for a while as a teenager and had begun not only to like it but thrive, she’d accused me of loving my father more than her.

I hadn’t.

I didn’t.

My father was just a lot easier to love than she ever was.

I pulled into my father’s driveway and shut off the engine. It was amazing how one phone conversation could exhaust me more than a week’s worth of work.

I climbed out of the cab and headed to the backyard, following the smell of charcoal wafting from their back deck.

“Mike!” my sister squealed and clobbered me with a hug.

“Hey, K,” I said, bending to kiss her cheek. “I’m happy to see you too.” I chuckled as she squeezed my waist.

“There’s my firstborn,” Dad said, a wide grin stretching his mouth as he stepped away from the grill to pull me into a hug.

“Everything okay, Mike?” he asked as he stepped back.

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