Page 71 of State of Alert

“What’re you saying, Sam?”

“It doesn’t sit right with me, being off the front lines while continuing to command my squad. Asking them to do things I can no longer do myself.”

“Do you think they care?”

“No, they probably don’t, but I do. How long will it be before they resent me for making all our jobs harder and much less safe than they used to be?”

“How are they less safe?”

“People recognize them because they’re always with me. That’s especially true for Cruz and Gonzales, but the others, too. If something ever happened to one of them because of their association with me… How would I live with that?”

“Have you talked to Trulo about this stuff?”

“Not yet.”

“Maybe you should.”

“I will, but what doyouthink? Am I crazy to keep doing this job while being first lady? Am I putting people I love in danger by showing up here every day?”

“I can’t say whether you’re crazy to try to do both, but I can assure you that you’re not putting your team in danger byshowing up to work. What you do here keeps people safer, Sam.”

“But does it risk the people I do it with?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Is it wrong for me to be off the front lines in the safety of the comms trailer while they’re wearing vests and risking their lives?”

“If you asked them, would they say they’d prefer to have you in the comms truck than not there at all?”

“I don’t know.”

“Maybe you should ask.”

“I guess.”

“I can’t possibly know what it’s like for you these days, but I can try to put myself in your position, and I’d feel the same way you do about having to sit out the dangerous stuff. But that doesn’t mean you can’t continue to make very valuable contributions, including arresting the man who murdered Tom Forrester.”

“Ruiz has a beef with me.”

“It’s the same old thing, Sam. She wants tobeyou.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“Of course it is. Everyone wants a career like you’ve had, and very few will.”

“Really? Because this career is not the one I set out to have. If I had my way, no one would know who I am.”

“Then you should’ve married someone else.”

“Which is unthinkable, of course.” She leaned forward on the desk. “If I tell you something, do you promise to never repeat it?”

“Of course.”

“You know how much I love Nick. If it’s a choice between him and all the madness that comes with him and this place? I pick him every time.”

“Understood.”

“It’s just that I had no idea what it would be like to try to dothis job with a high-profile spouse who made me famous along with him.”

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