Page 140 of State of Alert

“Or they want us to think they are,” Freddie said.

“True. I’m punching out. You know where to find me if you need me.”

“We got this,” Dominguez said.

“Thanks, ladies. Freddie, go home.”

“I’m gone.”

Sam collected her belongings and locked her office. She was headed for the morgue and a quick getaway when she remembered the grief group meeting.

“Son of a bitch,” she muttered as she took a hard right and went upstairs to poke her head in for a few minutes. At the door to the meeting room, she stopped short when she saw hersister Angela being comforted by Lenore Worthington and several other people.

Angela hadn’t told Sam she planned to attend tonight, and while she was glad to see her there, she wasn’t sure Ang would want Sam to witness her grief. So she stayed in the doorway and out of view.

“Thank you, guys,” Angela said after a full minute of silence. “It helps to be able to air it out with people who understand.”

“We understand, honey,” Lenore said as she tucked a strand of Angela’s reddish-brown hair behind her ear.

Angela rested her head on Lenore’s shoulder. “I’m just not sure what to do with the anger I feel toward him. It’s eclipsed all the good to the point that I can barely recall why I loved him. Before this happened, I had no trouble listing the many reasons I loved him. But this…”

“Being angry with someone who was fighting a disease is a difficult space to be in,” Dr. Trulo said gently. “On the one hand, you know intellectually that he couldn’t help it. Emotionally, however, you wonder how he could’ve chosen the drugs over you and your children.”

“That’s it exactly.”

Dr. Trulo leaned in a bit. “But you know he didn’t actually make that choice, right?”

“Yes, I know he didn’t, that in his right mind, he never would’ve chosen anything over us, but when he bought those drugs on the street, he had to know how dangerous that was.”

Sam’s entire body ached for her sweet sister.

“He couldn’t have known they were lethal,” Sam said as she stepped into the room.

The woman sitting on the other side of Angela got up to make her seat available to Sam, who sat and reached for her sister.

“He couldn’t have known he was taking poison,” Sam said softly as she held her beloved sister. “He was murdered.”

“How c-could he have let this happen?” Angela asked on a sob.

“One thing I know for certain about your Spencer was that he loved you more than anything in this world. He was besotted with you from the very beginning. He would look at you like you hung the moon. There’s no way he would’ve left you unless he had no choice.”

“I’m angry, too, Angela,” a man said.

Sam glanced his way and recognized Brad Albright, who’d lost his wife, Mary Alice, to the same poisoned drugs that had killed Spencer.

“Sometimes I’m so angry, I scare myself,” Brad said. “But then I try to rein it in because I don’t want my kids to see me that way. I don’t want them to know I’m angry with their mother for being an addict or buying drugs on the street or dying because of that choice. I want them to remember how much she loved them. So I’m trying to control the anger. It won’t bring Mary Alice back, and it certainly won’t make anything easier in this new normal.”

“You’re right,” Angela said. “Thank you for that reminder, Brad.”

He nodded and used a tissue to wipe away a tear.

“The anger is normal,” Trey Marchand said. His young daughter, Vanessa, was shot during a sniper siege. “For months after my Nessie was killed, I wanted to kill someone. I thought it would make me feel better. Luckily, I figured out that wouldn’t help before I acted on it. But, oh, that urge was hot and wild in me for alongtime.”

“If any of you feels the need to kill someone, please give me a call,” Dr. Trulo said, sparking laughter that broke the tension in the room.

The meeting ended a short time later, and Sam walked out with Roni and Angela, who stopped in the hallway.

“I’d like to talk to Brad,” Angela said. “Don’t wait on me. I’llbe fine.” She hugged them both. “Thank you for being there for me and for the support.”

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