Page 43 of Sins and Secrets

“You don’t need to do that,” I say, putting the plate on my nightstand and handing her the water.

Her face twists into a cautious side-eye, but she takes a long sip, watching me the entire time. This is her ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’ face.

I take the glass from her, take a quick gulp for myself, and open my nightstand drawer to get the massage oil. “You should eat the cookie while I work on your thighs.”

The air in the room changes. Her shoulders stiffen and the side-eye changes to anger. Here it comes.I imagine her screaming,“Fuck you, Lukas. I hate you. This was all a mistake.”

“What the actual fuck!” she predictably snaps. “What do you mean, ‘work on your thighs?’’’

I show her the massage oil. “You used a lot of muscles you normally don’t. I don’t want you to be sore.”

She points to me. “What the hell is that? What’s happening right now?”

“After care,” I state obviously.

“So what, you’re going to massage me and then what? We snuggle and talk about my feelings?”

I rub the back of my neck. “Well, actually…”

Her index fingers circle against her temples. “Are you telling me for my whole adult life I could’ve had mind blowing orgasms, cookies, and a massage?”

Ok. Now I’m confused. “Is that a problem?” Some of my own frustration bleeds into my words.

“Yes! I didn’t even know it was an option! Does this happen every time?” Her jaw is as tense as it was when she first came over.

“Um, yeah. I mean cookies aren’t always involved, I happened to have them in the kitchen and thought your body might need the carbs.” For the first time, I’m not sure what to do. I’ve never had anyone react this way. “Are you alright?”

“NO!” Her cries bounce off my walls. “I’ve been betrayed! Did everyone know this was a thing?”

“Well, the kink community is pretty large, but the entire world’s population isn’t in it.”

She throws her hands back and slams her knuckles against my headboard. She yelps and I rush to tend to her hands. Red marks are already appearing on her skin. She doesn’t pull away as I brush my thumbs across her knuckles. She sighs. “Is this standard operating procedure?”

I nod. “You gave me your body, you let me pleasure you, break you, and use you.”

She interrupts. “It was pretty awesome. I really didn’t mind.” She won’t make eye contact, staring at our joined hands. I can see the pink creeping back into her cheeks with the memories of what we just did.

I shake my head. “Now I take care of you and you don’t leave until you are clean, safe and secure. That’s my privilege.”

“Gotta say, it sort of seems like a win-win for me. Why aren’t they handing out pamphlets about this at my OBGYN?”

I can’t stop my laughter. “This isn’t exactly everyone’s taste. There’s a lot that can go wrong if partners aren’t in sync.”

Her face falls slightly. Waverly reaches for the cookie and takes a bite, mulling over her thoughts. “I can’t tell if this is how it’s supposed to be, or if it’s different because it’s with you.”

My heart stops. The same thought had been screaming in my head the entire time.

I want to reach for her, to push back her hair and hold her, then she breaks half the cookie and places it to my lips. It’s the offer, the smell of chocolate. I take a bite without thinking.

I’ve never had anyone take care of me.

Fuck.

Dripping the oil on her leg, she flinches from the cold sensation. “Let’s recap. In the first act, what did you like? Did anything make you feel uneasy?”

She’s still eating the cookie, but I figure she will need time to process this whole event. “I liked holding my arms back. It was a strange dichotomy between my shoulders being uncomfortable and the front of my body receiving pleasure. It kept tricking my brain.”

“Was it painful?” I ask, kneading her inner thigh muscles. “Because pain and hurt are two different things.”

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