Page 15 of Sins and Secrets

He faces the gravestone. “Happy birthday, Colleen.”

Sheila waves. “Hi, Colleen.”

Even Shae steps up. “Hi, Waverly's mom.” She pauses, then starts into a story. “So there's this new kid. I mean, he's notnewnew, he's kinda new. His name is Ian. I talked about him last time. Now there's another new boy, Drew. It's nice to have Drew here because now I don't feel responsible for Ian. But Ian and Drew are like best friends now and I'm stuck with Maria. Ugh! Maria can't even read chapter books, so what are we supposed to talk about? And I can't ditch her because it’s mean...”

“Yep,” all three of us adults say at the same time.

“I know.” Shae rolls her eyes. “I don't know where I fit anymore.”

Preach, sister.

“You will always have a home with us,” Dad says.

Sheila steps up. “Colleen, I need your help.” Dad winces. “Your beloved, former husband will not listen to me. I know, you're not shocked at all. Every morning, he stays in bed for twenty minutes working up the courage to get moving. Then it takes him another ten minutes to walk to the bathroom. Look, I'm not a morning person, but his knee is clearly bothering him. Will he go to the doctor? No. I've tried to explain that maybe he needs a knee brace, or at least an MRI, but he won't do it.” She leans in and whispers, “He's afraid he'll need surgery, and you know how much of a baby he can be.”

“Hey,” Dad says.

Sheila gives him a side smile and turns back to the grave. “Can you give us a sign he should call the doctor?”

We pause, frozen in silence, when the wind kicks up and the bird in the tree flies away.

Sheila grins at my father. “See. Even Colleen thinks you need to make an appointment.”

Dad steps up. “Traitor,” he grumbles as he bends over to pull some weeds trying to invade my mother's space. “I think about you every day. I still see you everywhere.” He closes his eyes. “Things feel right. And besides the knee, I feel good. I'm so proud of my girls. Thank you for giving me the strength to love again.”

My throat burns.

No one has ever loved me the way Dad loved Mom. He loves Sheila and Shae, but it's different. With my mom, it was a kinship and a profound understanding. With Sheila, it's about healing and living without survivor’s remorse.

We stand around as the first sharp gust of November wind whips our hair around. Thanks, Mom. We've all said our peace and Dad motions to the car.

Shae jumps closer to the grave site. “Bye, Waverly's mom. Thanks for being cheaper than therapy.”

I can’t help a snort as Dad desperately tries to hold back his laughter and fails miserably. Problem with criminal underworld stuff, no health insurance. At least not one that has good mental health services.

ChapterEight

Waverly

Driving back from the cemetery,I’m lost in endless swirls of to do lists and advice. Last year when I was out to lunch with my badass bossbitch friend, Alana, she told me her secret when it came to decision making. Everything she does must check off at least two of these reasons.

1) Help someone you love

2) Hurt someone you hate

3) Learn something

4) Fix a mistake

5) For yourself

6) Makes you money/power

7) Take money/power away from someone who doesn't deserve it

8) Time is finite

I like the way she thinks. Most of her decision making is based on other people, but she doesn’t forget to do things for herself either.

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