Page 169 of His Boys to Protect

He took his hand away from the door and turned around.

“Jesus,” Kelly gasped, studying his eyes. “You look worse than when I–”

Ward nodded, knowing what she meant without her having to say it. He felt worse than when she'd abandoned him at the altar. Much worse. As painful as that had been, it was nothing compared to what he felt now.

Kelly reached out, stopping just short of touching him. “Come sit down.”

Ward followed her over to the waiting area and sank heavily into a chair. “I've been seeing someone,” he blurted out.Shit. He hadn't ever outright admitted to anyone that he'd been with one boy, let alone two. John and Adam knew, but that was because they'd been there to witness that first moment when Charlie had dropped into his lap, to say nothing of Adam encouraging Ward to call that escort service in the first place. And Dakota and his men knew, of course. Vaughn had found out by accident, barging into Ward's apartment the way he always did. But in none of those cases had it been Ward initiating the conversation or voluntarily coming out about it all. “Two someones,” he admitted.

“Oh. Well, that's–”

“Two men,” he blurted out.

Kelly's eyebrows went up. She was silent for an eerily long moment, then gave him a single, slow nod. “Okay. Go on.”

Ward blinked. That was it? No comment? No criticism or shock? “I thought everything was going well,” he continued, unable to stop now that he'd started. “Really well. But then one of them just up and left. No warning. Nogoodbyeother than a note on the counter, which didn't even give an explanation.” Ward sighed and shook his head, resting his elbows on his knees. “I don't know. Maybe I did what I always do. With you and everyone else. Held on too tight. Maybe it was all too much.”

“What are you talking about?”

Ward looked up at her with a frown. “What do you mean?”

Kelly leaned closer. “Ward. You never held on too tight. If anything, you didn't hold on tight enough.”

“What?”

She gave him a sad smile. “You always had one foot out the door. Like you were ready to leave at a moment's notice.” She paused. “No, not so much leave as…let me go. There were times when it felt like you were indifferent to whether we stayed together or not. Like it wouldn't bother you much at all if I simply walked away.” She paused, shaking her head. “Maybe that's why I did it. Why I didn't show up to our wedding. I guess I wanted to see if you would come after me. If you'd fight for us. Fight for me. But you didn't. You let me go.”

Ward blinked. “I thought that's what you wanted.”

“No. I wanted to be with you. And, looking back, I know how stupid it was to do it the way I did. But I needed to know. I needed to see if you'd follow me. Instead, you let me walk away. You let me run off with an old boyfriend without a fight, like it didn't matter.”

“Itdidmatter,” Ward insisted. “You broke my heart.”

Kelly blinked rapidly and pressed her fingertips into the corners of her eyes. She sniffed and shook her head. “I'm so sorry about that. I've regretted what I did every day since then. But what we had wasn't enough for me, Ward. You were sodetermined to let me live my own life and be my own person, I was starting to think there was no way for us to live a lifetogether. I mean, yeah, it was flattering at first, knowing you supported me in being an independent woman, but that was only great up to a point. I wanted you to take charge more than you did. I wanted to know that you needed me. That I mattered to you.”

“You did,” Ward whispered, feeling completely stunned. Had he really had it all wrong all these years? “I loved you.”

Kelly nodded. “You said it enough, but it felt like you never really showed it.”

Ward stilled, his heart sinking with another realization. “I never said it.”

“What?”

Ward ran his hands through his hair as he slumped back in the seat. “I never said it. To them, I mean.” He slowly shook his head. “With everyone else I've dated, it was always right after I said,'I love you,'that I got dumped. With you, it was different, of course, but then it was also worse,” he added with a grimace. “But I never told either one of them that I loved them. I didn't want it to happen again. I didn't want to jinx it.”

Kelly winced.

Fuck. Had he been so afraid of getting his heart broken that he'd broken Skylar's instead? What if Skylar thought Ward didn't love him? Didn't need him? What if, instead of holding on too tight, Ward hadn't been holding on tight enough, just as Kelly said? Had he been so afraid of being another controlling force in Skylar's life—and Charlie's, for that matter—that he never truly showed them what they meant to him?

Before he could say anything more, Ward's phone rang in his pocket. He'd turned the ringer back up a few days ago after missing too many calls, but the sound grated on him.

Charlie would hate it.

Ward ignored the call. Whatever it was, it would simply have to wait.

The phone stopped ringing, then started right back up again.

“Are you going to get that?” Kelly asked.

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