Page 11 of Memories of the Dark

“I... I’m happy to hear that. Everly deserves someone who can take good care of him, who... I think I have an idea about how to get you reunited with Mister Bloom.” Eyes shining, Dehaan lightly squeezed Fergus’s hand. “See you later. I have to talk to Xavier.”

On the way to the bar where the members of the Steel Riders MC hung out between raids against the small-time drug dealers, the young man reflected on Fergus’s words. He was trying to figure out what he felt about the budding friendship between Xavier and Everly, the main target of the horrific attack from two weeks earlier.

On one hand, he was happy to see the two of them interacting, as Fergus’s alter-ego, his supposedly stronger side, had been left exposed and vulnerable, in great need of someone who could offer him protection and a strong sense of safety. Based on his own experience, Xavier was the perfect guy for the job, especially since, surprisingly enough, Everly manifested submissive tendencies.

On the other hand, Dehaan wasn’t ready to completely give up to his dream of being together with his best friend, as impossible as that dream was because of the dark secrets in his past. However, he had to do it. Xavier deserved to be happy with someone who could give him all the things he yearned for.

And it was, of course, Fergus, with his sweet, innocent, boyish appearance and kind eyes, who touched Dehaan’s soul in a way no one had before, not even the man he hopelessly loved. He felt the need to hug the older man, caress every part of his body until all the scars went away and brought back the shine to those magnificent, turquoise eyes.

Dehaan was sure he could make Fergus happy and find a semblance of happiness in the company of that quiet man as broken as he was. Just when the young man let himself get carried away by the new dream, he realized that being together with Fergus would mean depriving Xavier of Everly’s presence, and he couldn’t do something like that to his best friend.

Pulling the car next to Sarge’s bike, Dehaan let out a long sigh, bracing himself for what was about to come. He could talk about anything and everything with the son of Steel Riders MC’s president, except his own feelings. It was a subject Dehaan avoided for dear life, afraid that Xavier would cling on the tinniest bit of hope and would continue to waste his time waiting for him.

“Looks like I get myself a ride home. Also, I wanted to talk to you.” Sporting a wide grin, Xavier opened the passenger’s door, sliding into the seat. “You are just like Mom, reading my thoughts. I don’t know how you guys do that.” The grin turned into a soft, tender smile that warmed Dehaan’s heart, making him forget his not-so-happy thoughts for a brief moment

“Ma Agatha is your mother. It is natural to know you like she does. As for me, it was only a coincidence because I came here to talk to you about something very important, which involves a request.”

“Great! Do you mind if we talk while you drive me back home? I promised I’d pick Everly up and take him for a walk in Central Park. Nothing special, just hanging out and...”

“Sure, why not? You drive, though. I know about your plans. Fergus told me this morning when I checked up on him. He had a very bright disposition, the fever is completely gone, and he’s less pale than a few days ago. We talked a bit. Fergus told me he had a good dream last night. Apparently, he remembered two names from his past, and that is why I came here to talk to you.”

As the car took off, Xavier examined Dehaan’s tense posture and the serious expression on his face, frowning. “You’re worrying me. What’s this all about?”

“You said this guy Zachary, who you want to team up and open the custom-made bikes workshop with, has a brother who is good at finding people and things, a tech wiz of sorts. Can you ask him to help us locate one Mister Bloom married to a Mister Hansen? Fergus has very happy memories of these two men, and I thought...”

“Are you jealous of the time I spend with Everly and want him out of my life? Dehaan Verhoeven, I didn’t think you could stoop so low. I’m very disappointed in you. Just because you can’t be with that older man...” Xavier covered his mouth with one hand, while his best friend stared blankly ahead, tears running down his cheek, face whiter than a sheet of paper. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to... goddamn impulsiveness!”

“I’m doing this because there are at least two people out there who are worrying about Fergus, possibly also about Everly, and they deserve to know both of them are safe and sound. Unlike me when Mister Mills brought me to live with the three of you, he has a life to go back to. As for that man I’ve told you about... I’ve known from the start we can’t be together. I’ll never stop loving him, but it doesn’t mean I’ll get in the way of his happiness.”

“Damn it, Dehaan, I wish I could unsay those horrible words. I completely understand if you don’t want to talk to me or even see me again. However, before kicking me out of your life forever, I want to know why you are so pained. Who hurt you so bad you can’t trust anyone? Why won’t you let me ease your burden?”

“Because I’m afraid of losing your affection. You are the greatest friend I could ever wish for, but you are also the embodiment of the alpha male, and you would judge my actions, would blame me for what I did or didn’t do. Losing you would break me for good; I wouldn’t come back in one piece. In fact, I have serious doubts I would come back at all.”

Xavier didn’t reply to his friend’s words. He couldn’t find the right thing to say and was afraid his unfiltered, poor brain-mouth connection would screw things up again. A heavy silence took over the car for the rest of the ride to Mills’ family home, Xavier letting out a long sigh of relief when he parked the car at the end of the driveway.

He stepped outside of the vehicle, and Dehaan unlocked the door, getting ready to do the same when all the energy left his body, and he slumped back into the seat, covering his face with both hands. Loud sobs violently shook the young man’s slender frame, and he tried to muffle the sounds so Xavier wouldn’t hear them.

But all Dehaan’s efforts were in vain, as a long, loud wail escaped his lips, reverberating inside the car. The noise made the other man turn and gasp in shock at the sight his friend was offering, curled into a pitiful ball in the passenger’s seat. Xavier ran back to the car and, sliding into the driver’s seat, put his arms around the crying man’s shaking, fragile form.

Dehaan’s first impulse was to push his friend away, freeing himself from the hug, but instead, he burrowed his face into the man’s chest and let the tears run freely, not caring that they soaked into Xavier’s shirt. He cried for his shattered innocence and stolen happiness, and all the other things that could have been, breathing in the scent of the man he loved but couldn’t be with.

With every sob escaping from Dehaan’s lips, Xavier’s heart broke a little more, and he hated that he sat there, helpless, while his best friend and impossible love was crying his heart out. The man wished to trade all his knowledge about how to mold metal pieces into a bike for a method of taking all the pain away from Dehaan’s heart, but the deities were deaf to his prayer.

After a while, the sobs died down, and Xavier gently put a finger under his friend’s chin, lifting it up and starting to wipe up the tear streaks with the pads of his thumbs. Without thinking, he cupped Dehaan’s face with one hand, caressing his short strands with the other and brought his lips close to the other man’s sensual, petal-like ones, tentatively brushing over them.

For a moment, Dehaan went rigid, his body tensed like a bow ready to release the arrow, but then he relaxed, letting himself get carried away, a barely audible moan escaping his lips, followed by another. Eyes closed, lips slightly parted, he invited Xavier to take control of his mouth, explore and taste it.

Raking his fingers through Xavier’s long, light-brown hair, the younger man attacked his mouth, the intensity and fierceness of the kiss taking the biker by surprise. Lost in a whirlwind of sensations, Dehaan let all his fears go, praying that the moment lasted forever, melting into his friend’s embrace and letting himself consumed by passion. This is what happiness looks like, he thought, pouring all his love for Xavier into the kiss and drinking the nectar of the man’s lips dry.

CHAPTER 10

“Thank you for the prompt response, sir. I deeply apologize if my hasty call worried you in any way.” Ardan greeted Fabian with a weak smile and a hug. “Please, take a seat. I’m in great need of your wisdom.”

“No worries, kid. I was a little surprised, that’s all. I see you’re doing better by the day, and it makes me very happy to see your smile is back. What can I do for you?” The older man spoke in a warm voice, eyes shining with paternal affection.

“For the first time since I established The Base and began to fight this battle, I feel lost. I’m facing a very important decision, and I don’t have anyone to turn to for advice. Except you, of course.” Ardan ran a hand over his face and through his hair, sighing.

“Kid, three weeks ago, I promised to myself to never let you or Alasdair fall, and I intend to keep that promise, no matter what. You have my undivided attention.”

---