Page 16 of Angels of the Night

CHAPTER 12

“Good morning, Zachary, I hope you've had a good rest.” Caleb greeted the man, blushing under his soft, somewhat melancholic gaze. “I was a little worried about you last night. Okay, a little more. A lot.”

“Good morning to you, too. I went straight to the dorms, but I didn't fall asleep right away. Too many things in my head. Anyway, you shouldn't have worried about me.” The man paused, inhaled sharply, then continued. “When you have a little spare time, I would like to talk to you.”

“There is no better time than now. Judging by the look on your face, the matter must be very serious, so let's go to the office. Brennan is at Ardan's, so no one will disturb us there.” Caleb headed to the administrative building with Zachary closely following him.

“Last night, I did a terrible thing, an ugly act of betrayal I don't know if I'm ever going to be forgiven for. However, you have my word, the last thing I wanted was to hurt you. No matter what you decide after this conversation, I'll always do everything in my power to keep you out of the harm's way.” Eyes brimming with tears, Zachary lowered his head.

“I don't understand...Are you trying to say that you betrayed me for my own protection? I'm very confused. Can you explain, please?” Caleb's turquoise eyes were filled with worry, his heart aching at the sight the other man was offering.

“I slept with someone, then twisted his hand into not seeing you anymore. I have no feelings for that man, but I can't watch him destroy you like he did to me. And, if surrendering my body to him will stop Llewellyn Saint-James from ruining your life, I'm willing to pay the price.”

“Llewellyn Saint-James?” Caleb's forehead creased, as the name didn't sound familiar. “Sorry, I don't know anyone with this name, especially someone you claim I'm seeing. The only one I'm in a relationship of some sorts is...did you tell Saint to stop seeing me? Is he the one who hurt you all those years ago?” The turquoise eyes went wide with shock as Caleb gave Zachary an incredulous stare.

“I was used to being hurt; pain has been my companion since I was only thirteen. I've learned to live with it. What broke me was the loss of my friend, who was killed as a result of my so-called boyfriend's machinations. I've seen what you, Avery and Erling are to each other, and the thought that Llewellyn could get one of them killed...”

Zachary stayed silent for a while, head in both hands, elbows propping on his knees. After what seemed like an eternity, he let out a heavy sigh, starting to tell Caleb the story of the betrayal that left him devastated. When he realized they were sold down the river, the man tried to negotiate a way out, if not for both, at least for his young partner.

The captors took everything that was to take, then broke the deal and made him watch how the other one was tortured. They had the immense cruelty of putting their victim in Zachary's arms, so he could helplessly watch how the young man was slowly fading away. All that time, Llewellyn was conveniently away, summoned by his MI5 superiors.

Caleb listened in silence, his heart wrenching in pain at the image of a broken, physically damaged, desperate Zachary, trying to keep his partner alive, waiting for a help that either didn't arrive or was there too late. Suddenly, the big picture became a lot more clear, and many things he couldn't understand until then started to make sense.

Caleb finally realized the age gap between the two of them wasn't the real reason why Saint hesitated to start a relationship with him; the man was afraid of hurting him, just like what happened with Zachary. He wouldn't have given a damn about the consequences if he hadn't cared about him already. Caleb smiled internally, feeling warm and fuzzy at the thought.

Zachary also had a deep affection for him, otherwise he wouldn't have given himself to a man who already hurt him so badly he wasn't able to recover in spite of the long time that passed since the unfortunate events. Caleb had still to listen to Saint's side of the story, but one thing was sure: the two men had one more point in common, besides their painful past: him. And the most beautiful part was that he reciprocated those feelings.

Tightly hugging Zachary, Caleb spoke to him in a gentle, compassion-filled voice, assuring the man he understood his reasons and didn't blame him. Sighing in relief and contentment, Zachary abandoned himself for a while to the comfort and warmth of Caleb's embrace, then left the office, getting ready for another day at The Base.

The younger man was also getting ready to leave the office when Saint appeared in the doorway, changing his plans. Suspecting the older man wanted to tell his side of the story, Caleb gestured for him to come inside and take a seat.

“Perfect timing,” he smiled shyly, “a few more seconds and you would've missed me. What brings you here?”

“When I was called to London, I didn't plan to come back here. It was better if I let you go once and for all. That's also why I didn't message you all that time. I was wrong, and I deeply apologize for my lack of sensibility. However, the distance and the passing of time made me realize I have feelings for you.” Saint stopped, wondering how was Caleb going to take the news.

“Feelings? Can you be more specific, please? Because hate, pity or loathing are feelings, too.” Caleb tried a joke, in an attempt to make the atmosphere less tensed.

“I fell in love with you, but it doesn't matter now, because we can't be together anymore. I promised someone I'm not going to see you anymore, and I'm a man of my word.” Saint's eyes clouded with sadness as he thought about the irony of the situation he had landed in.

“This...person you made this promise to...do they have a name, are they from here or did you run into them while in London?” Caleb noticed Saint was much less open than Zachary, offering only pieces and bits of information.

“No, I met him here, at The Base, after not knowing anything about him for almost seven years. We were lovers, then everything went downhill, and he accused me of things I didn't do. He gave me a second chance, and I want to prove to him I wasn't involved in the tragic events that left deep scars into his soul. I also want to help him heal and forget everything, and I can't do that if...”

“I understand. I would do the same.” Caleb cut Saint short, looking straight into his eyes. “I would like very much to know the guy's name. He sounds like a very special someone to you.”

“To be honest, I don't know how to answer that question. The man I hurt was named Zev, the one who gave me a second chance calls himself Zachary. The first one was sweet, vulnerable, generous and kind, while the one I found here is...”

“By the way you’re talking, they are two different men, and I think you have to decide who is the one you want to be with. Or maybe try and make him whole? Whichever, but it's much better than seeing Zev and Zachary as halves, as incomplete, unfinished persons. Sorry, Saint, but if you don't solve this dilemma...” Caleb shook his head, voice heavy with sadness.

“I don't know Zachary at all, and Zev...he said Zev died, but I miss him with every fiber of my being. For almost seven years, I prayed for a miracle, but the deities, Fates or whoever it is up there, laughed in my face and twisted my prayer, giving me this embittered man who hates me so much.” Saint ran a hand over his face, feeling tired.

“Zachary is a gentle, caring man, a good listener and a great cook with the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. I don't know about you, but if that man would give me a second chance, I'd grab it with both hands and do everything in my power to make him happy, no questions asked. But then again, I don't put thoughts in people's heads.” With those words and a melancholic smile on his lips, Caleb left the office, leaving Saint deep in thought.

****

Shades of bright orange, red, purple and deep blue were chasing each other in the sky as the sun slowly descended below the line of the horizon. From the porch of his house, sitting on a rocking chair, a thin blanket wrapped around him, Ardan admired the ever-fascinating spectacle the sunset was offering. Inside, Paisley and Axel were chirping in that unintelligible but adorable language of toddlers, making their father smile.

The week he spent in the hospital, hooked on monitors and getting the nutrients his body needed through an IV, served as a lesson for the man, who had changed his priorities. He learned to appreciate the simple pleasures of life and spent more time in the company of those who loved him and appreciated his presence.

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