Page 67 of A Sky of Emerald Stars

I blinked, trying to think of a more delicate response. The amount of contorting myself I had to do to stay on Ingrid’s good side was already breaking me. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t perform this version of myself for her anymore. I had considered hiding my gender from her entirely, but I couldn’t win. It hurt so deeply to not be who I truly was, but it hurt me even more to think of Ora and so many others who needed my help and I couldn’t do it without Ingrid’s allegiance.

“It doesn’t have to be only a human word,” I said tentatively as I worried my lip with my tooth. With a bit more strength, I added, “And I am not the Queen of just Wolves.”

“You are so determined to get rid of all Wolf customs, aren’t you?” Her slender brows lifted, her expression so sharp she could’ve sliced me in half. “When will it be enough?”

My brow furrowed. “Enough?”

“I agree that we need change,” she said. “I thought you and I were aligned. We want Wolf Queens to be able to rule. We want equality for all Wolves. We want progress.” She waved her hand around the square. “And want a good life for all of our citizens.” She said it like it was an afterthought.

Grae let out a rough laugh. “Pickled fish and rotten vegetablesis hardly the same as the things you grow in the greenhouses of your palace,” he said. “Would you truly consider this equal?”

“Humans and Wolves equal?” She looked at him perplexed. “You can’t compare the two. We both have such different strengths. We serve different purposes and occupy different spaces in the world. The humanswantedWolves to rule.” Ingrid pinned him with a look. “And the Taigosi humans have the best quality of life ofallthe courts of Aotreas.”

I knew from the way she looked at me with the word “all” that she was implying the Olmdere humans had it worse than the Taigosi ones. It was true. I hoped for a better life for them, worked hard to help undo all the damage Sawyn’s reign had done, but even so, the humans of Taigos were still better off.

Fornow.

If we weren’t under the threat of Nero, the scales would’ve tipped in our favor even sooner. In my court, it would be the humans themselves who decided what a “good life” looked like as defined by and for themselves. And I’d do everything in my power to help them achieve it.

Grae seemed to read my mind as he tilted his head at Ingrid. “Have you asked your people?” He considered the space around us. “Have you asked them if this is the life they want? If there is any way it could be improved?”

It was a conversation I’d had many times with my people. What did they need? What did they want? I’d asked if they even wanted me to rule and was ready to step down if they said otherwise. But in every corner of Olmdere, they saw my golden scars and demanded I stay on my parents’ throne. I’d wished for them to know peace with my dying breath, and they would hold me to account in fulfilling that promise.

Ingrid clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes at Grae. “I care about my people, Graemon, but you are seriously starting to sound like one of them. This isn’t like you.” She set down her mug and leaned into the frozen table, resting her hand on Grae’sforearm. I forced myself not to lean forward and bite her wrist in half. “No matter your feelings, Wolves and humans are not the same. We are the shepherds and they the sheep.” She released him and leaned back, finally asking me, “Are you a queen or a sheep?”

I wanted to shout, wanted to flip the table, wanted to rage at her, and judging by the growl escaping Grae, he wanted to do all those things, too, but Briar cleared her throat and let out a soft laugh.

“What have they put in this cider?” she tittered, trying to break the ice. I grimaced at her, and I knew she was internally cringing, too, even though her face was bright. But she pivoted to Queen Ingrid and smiled at her. “I hear that you have a herd of silver reindeer in Taigoska, Your Majesty,” she quickly diverted the conversation.

Ingrid bristled as if shaking off my comments and then turned to Briar with a new light. “They are exquisite,” she said. “Would you like to see them?”

“I’d be delighted,” Briar said, leaving her mug and standing. She took off with Klaus and Ingrid, casting a glance over her shoulder at me that said, “Come on, let’s go.”

I let out a long sigh, trying to release the tension in me, but my hands were still balled into fists. Maybe this was all a mistake. Maybe I needed a better tactic. I was sick of bending to the whims of a flippant Queen. Life and death were happening just beyond her borders and she was ignoring it. Maybe I just needed to do it all myself.

My cheeks were white-hot as I battled back tears. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep shrinking myself down to appease Ingrid. Patience was beginning to feel a lot like weakness. I was drowning here and all the while Ora was probably being tortured in a cell. I remembered what I did the last time. When it was Maez in a cell and Briar under a curse, when I was told to be patient and tempered and justwait.

No more. No more sitting on my hands and politicking and being a good little dog. My tether had finally snapped.

I fled in the middle of the night back then, and Queen or no, I could do it again now.

I was halfway out the door of my suite when a match struck to life in the hallway. My hand instinctively shot to the dagger on my hip, my years of fight training kicking in. But then that rainstorm scent swirled to me as a face I knew better than my own flickered in the burgeoning candlelight.

“You promised me never again, little fox.” Grae’s voice held a quiet menace, softness laced with poisoned anger.

As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I noted that he was fully dressed. My mind spun. Had he really heard me tiptoe out of bed? Had he awoken and dressed while I packed my bag? Or had it been some sort of mate instinct, some sort of fear that I’d run off again?

“I need to get Ora,” I said, my voice pleading. “I need to do something to help Damrienn. It’s my fault they’re suffering.”

Grae’s face softened but only for a split second before anger filled his expression again. He took one step, then another, and I found myself pacing backward into the room to keep the space between us. Grae shut the suite door behind him and lit the candelabra beside the door until the space was bright enough that his eyes were no longer cast in shadow.

“Wherever you go, I go, Calla,” Grae said, echoing the words we’d promised each other so many moons ago. “To the ends of the world. To certain death. To the next life.” He set the candle back in its holder on the entry table and took another prowling step closer, his hands coming up on either side of me as he backed me into the wall. “You and I are tied together, mate. You and I areone.”

“I know,” I whispered, my resolve breaking at that proclamation. “I just...” Grae searched my eyes. “I just can’t do thisanymore. I can’t wait for Ingrid to understand me, if sheeverwill. I can’t wait for her to help us.” The words scratched out of me, and I hadn’t realized how broken this whole visit had made me until right then. “I feel like I’ve been selfish.” A tear slid down my cheek, and Grae brushed it away.

“Selfish?You?”

“I knew claiming the word ‘merem’ would be hard. I knew there would be people who wouldn’t understand.” I swallowed the burning knot forming in my throat. “But it made me feel seen. It made me feel likeme,maybe for the first time ever and...” I heaved a shaking breath. “And claiming that word had been so euphoric, I thought that should be enough. But what if revealing who I am will hurt our people? What if being myself comes at too steep a price?”

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