Page 47 of Impregnated By the Alpha

I turned to face Jana’s headstone, pulling Violet to stand next to me. For a long moment, we stood in silence, reading the words that I had carved in Jana’s memory.

Jana Pinedale

Loving mother, daughter, and wife

May the moon always shine on those who remember her

“I can’t do this if I look at you,” I began. “But you’re right. This is something we’re going to need to talk about. Because the truth is, I’m terrified.”

Violet squeezed my hand, encouraging me to continue without interrupting my train of thought.

“The day that Jana died was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. In one way, at least, it was. Penny has been my joy from the first moment I held her in my arms. But it was also one of the worst days I’ve ever lived through.”

For the first time in a long time, I allowed myself to go back in time to how I felt watching Jana give birth. There had been no indication that anything was wrong until everything went downhill. I felt tears well in my eyes as I remembered the panic on Jana’s face, which had quickly turned into acceptance.

“Everything with Jana’s pregnancy had gone as planned, but while she was giving birth, the doctor said there was a rupture,” I explained. “There was… so much blood.”

I took a shuddering breath as I remembered thinking how it didn’t seem possible for such a small person to lose the amount of blood that my wife had.

“She knew she was dying, but she held on just long enough for our daughter to be born and to give her a name. I thought holding Penny would give her the strength to fight, to live, but we lost her, anyway. I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself for allowing her to die,” I admitted.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Violet said quietly.

I shook my head, unwilling to accept that.

“If I had been better prepared and more informed, I would have known that a complication like that was possible. I was a fool—a proud, stubborn fool—and I believed that modern science had progressed enough that childbirth was safe,” I said. “I wasn’t prepared, and because of that, Jana died.”

“Nile, look at me,” Violet said, turning me toward her. “Even if you had known about the risks, it wouldn’t have changed what happened. The doctors who were there knew that childbirth had risks. They were even prepared for them. But there’s only so much they could do. You did everything you could. It wasn’t your fault.”

With each word she spoke, I felt as if a weight was being lifted off my shoulders. Tears flowed freely down my face, and my shoulders hunched over. Violet reached out, pulling my head down onto her shoulder and holding it tightly as I cried.

It didn’t even matter if what she’d said was true or not, in my mind. Violet believed it wasn’t my fault, and somehow that gave me hope that Jana didn’t blame me, either. I would never have the chance to gain forgiveness from my first mate. This was as close as I could get. It felt like it was enough.

When I had cried myself dry, I felt ready to explain the rest of my fears to her. I looked into her eyes this time, pleading with her to understand how impossible it felt to ignore my impulse to protect her.

“Losing Jana almost destroyed me,” I said. “But if something were to happen to you—Violet, I wouldn’t survive it. And then where would that leave Penny and our child? Alone in this world, with no parents to care for them. It’s my greatest fear, losing you three.”

“We can’t know what’s going to happen,” she said. “All we can do is our best.”

“My best has never been good enough to protect you in the past,” I pointed out. “I’ve let you down time and time again.”

“We’ve let each other down, but we don’t do that anymore,” Violet said. “This time around, we are in it together,protecting each other. If we keep doing that, I know that things will work out just fine.”

She’s right,Wick said.

I hadn’t realized he’d been paying attention. But of course, with my heightened emotions, he would have sensed something was wrong and wanted to check on me.

Our mate is stronger than you’ve realized,he added.

Wick was right. I cupped Violet’s cheek in my hand, realizing that whether things would be okay or not wasn’t up to either of us. All we could do was take care of each other as well as we could and hope for the best.

***

After dropping Violet off at home, I headed for Alpha Jasper’s house on the hill. Of all the people who had been supportive of our marriage, his help and approval had been the most vital so far. But I was going to need just a little more help if I was going to show Violet just how important she was to me.

“Alpha Nile,” Jasper greeted me at the door. “This is a change from our usual. It’s usually me showing up unannounced at your house.”

I chuckled, remembering all the times he and Luna April had come to me for assistance and advice.

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