I respect his need for space. But as he walks out the door, I feel a pang of emptiness. He’s just out walking the dog, but my mind races with questions. Can I truly live without him? The answer is terrifying.
25
AVA
The news of our canceled trip to Hawaii comes as a shock. Jack dropped a bombshell on me this morning—he had actually managed to get three extra days off work as unpaid leave, but he kept it for himself until the last minute. Apparently, he had a conversation with his captain about his intention to leave the Corps. It comes as no surprise that the captain denied his request and opted to give him additional time to be with me.
The man himself has hardly said a word to me. My frustration has built up to the ceiling. Every time I open my mouth, I feel like snapping at him. I call Morgan and confide in her about my need for a temporary escape. The last thing I want is to push Jack away with something I don’t mean to do or say.
My bestie has been working in Yellowstone, shooting a documentary about the behavior of wolves as they get ready for winter—which apparently has changed this year thanks to the warming weather. I’m meeting her as she takes a break just outside the park.
Jack insists on coming with me, which defeats the purposeof me trying to get away from him. I say, “I thought you wanted some space.”
He simply shrugs, his eyes fixed on the road as he drives my SUV. “I’m not going to leave you alone.”
I should be glad, but somehow his statement annoys me. Does he have an issue with me hanging out with my best friend? “Well, you’ve been walking Elmo by yourself.”
“Doyouwant space? I’ll give you space,” and he brakes the car. “I’ll ask Huxley to come with you instead. Would you prefer that?”
“Don’t pass me off like I’m some kind of job.”
“Yes or no, Ava.”
I let out a soft grunt. “No. I want you.”
“That’s settled, then.” He resumes driving.
I glance at him as the road stretches out in front of us. His cold expression doesn’t give away much, but about halfway there, he asks, “Did you tell Morgan about my nightmares?”
I shake my head. “I just told her I needed to get out of the house.”
“And you’re not gonna tell her now?”
“No.”
“Good. Apart from that, you can pretend that I’m not there.”
“I won’t tell her, Jack.”
His rigid stance softens. “Thanks.”
The second half of the trip passes quickly, and we reach our destination in West Yellowstone.
“Is this it?” Jack asks, his eyes reading the sign:Grizzly and Wolf Discovery Center.
“Yeah,” I affirm.
As I get ready for the visit, Jack lends me a hand. Anticipating some tight spaces inside, I’m opting for a carrier instead of a stroller. This way, Quinton can sit on the frontharness and watch everything while I have both hands free. Jack patiently guides me as he secures the carrier, adjusting it for optimal comfort. With Quinton snugly settled, he plants a kiss on my forehead.
“You go ahead, take your time,” he says. “You won’t even know I’m around.”
My heart crumbles as I observe him standing still. It doesn’t feel right, but I resist the urge to console him, knowing deep down it’s not what he’s searching for at this stage. Perhaps, in some way, it’s not what I need either. We both crave a sense of space and distance.
Inside, Morgie awaits by the ticket booth. She gives Quinton and me a hug, then calls out, “Quinnie-Bear! Who’s my superstar?”
Quinton seems to share her emotions. He coos and babbles as if Morgan is his best friend already.
“Gee, I feel so special,” Morgan says, giving me a visitor pass. “What did you feed him this morning?”