Page 48 of Years in the Making

“You owed me one twelve years ago.” I look toward the door, planning my escape.

“I know.” He looks down at his boots. “I let a lot of people down back then, you more than anyone else.”

I should tell him to scream the explanation into the ground for all I care; I don’t want what he thinks he owes me now. But for a split second, despite the added muscle and hair, I catch a glimpse of the Teddy who stole my heart with his goodness.

If you leave, you’ll just keep wondering, I tell myself.Get the reason and put this all behind you.

“Fine,” I say like a petulant child.

“We can talk in the office.” He motions with his head toward a set of stairs and leads the way.

The office is less a workspace and more of a storage room with a laptop.

“You can have a seat if you want.” he offers, moving a box off the desk chair.

“No thank you,” I reply, crossing myarms and letting my eyes wander around the room, looking everywhere but at him. “Well?” I order impatiently when he doesn’t start explaining immediately. “I’m here. Explain.”

“My mom died.”

My eyes stop wandering and snap to him. Of all the things I thought he’d say, that hadn’t ever crossed my mind.

“What?” My feet automatically take a step closer.

“That’s the reason I disappeared. She died, then I found out something that hurt me, and I took off.”

“Wait, back up,” I stammer, trying to put what he just said together. “When did she die?”

“The morning after I left your place. I was at work and my boss showed up and, well, she was dead. That’s why he showed up. He took me home, and then the rest is kind of a blur.” He’s so calm that I have to remind myself that he’s been sitting with this for twelve years. To me it just happened.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Teddy, I could have been there for you.” It’s weird to suddenly feel the need to apologize to the person who’s apologizing to me.

“I know. I know you would have been there in a heartbeat, but I wasn’t in a good place, Nellie. It wasn’t until a couple of months later that I was able to think again. And by then, I convinced myself that I’d messed up too badly.”

“Your mom died. Who would be in a good place?” I’m not sure anyone has ever thawed so quickly. All I want to do is cross the small distance between us and hug him, the way I would have if I’d known all those years ago.

“I still should have told you, let you in.” He sounds so broken that before I even know what I’m doing, my arms are around him. He doesn’t move, his arms limply at his sides, and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t taken a breath since he told me.

“Oh, for the love of god, would you hug me back, please?” Imutter into his flannel. When his arms fold around me, I can feel layers of what was left of the ice melt away.

This, a little voice hums.

We stand there holding each other for enough time that our breathing seems to sync. It’s suddenly like no time has passed. As if it was just yesterday we kissed goodbye and then we texted until we fell asleep. I let myself live in the fantasy for a few more minutes before I pull away. He lets me go, but when I look into his eyes, I can see him at war with himself. Heat, pain, and sorrow battling for his attention.

“I’m sorry,” I say, looking down at my hands because I can’t handle looking into those eyes any longer.

“You have no reason to be sorry.” He shakes his head, looking pained.

“Hey, Marley’s friend?” I hear Cass yell from somewhere below us.

“Marley’s friend,” Teddy says quietly, shaking his head like he can’t believe it. I get it. I can’t believe it either.

“I should…” I point toward the door.

“Yeah.” He nods and lets me lead the way back down to the main floor where Cass is waiting with Pip in her arms, her gaze shifting between me to Teddy, a little smirk on her lips.

“Just wondering if this guy can have some play time in the snow?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m sure he’d love that,” I assure her. “His outdoor time got cut short this morning.”

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