Page 69 of Years in the Making

Nellie’s head is turned in our direction, and her hand lifts to offer a dripping wave. I nod back and stay where I am, remembering. Our last day together we’d been swimming. Nellie in that polka dot one-piece, looking straight out of a pinup poster minus the red lips. The memory stirs something deep within me, and I let myself slip back there for a few minutes. Back when things were perfect.

“Are you coming in?” Her voice breaks through my thoughts, and I look up in time to see her swimming towards me. She stands where the water is waist-deep, and I feel the breath leave my body. The suit has the same lines as the one from the past, but it’s solid blue with white borders, and past Nellie has nothing on present Nellie with the way she fills it out. She’s got her hair up, but the pieces that have come loose, stick to her skin. I want to brush them away from her face so a single freckle isn’t hidden. Her tattoos are a stark contrast to the prim suit, and my fingers itch to trace each one. There are so many new ones to discover.

I am ogling her, I know I am, so I force myself to look at herface. Despite the warmth of the morning, her lips are trembling enough that I can see it from where I stand. “I, I… um, I don’t want to barge into your space.”

She looks around holding her arms out. “Teddy, I think this is more than enough space for two people and a dog.”

“I thought I had to go in first to check for leeches?” I suddenly remember.

Nellie shrugs, and I momentarily find my attention drawn to her shoulder. The water droplets speckled there around the cluster of five freckles I once claimed with my lips. Then she lifts her foot out of the water, and I see she’s in water shoes.

“You do realize they don’t just go after feet, right?”

“I know, but I figure this lowers the odds of meeting one.” She lowers herself back into the water and begins to retreat. “It’s nice. You should come in.” Smiling, she disappears back under the water.

She’s not going to have to suggest twice. I slip off my sandals and sweatshirt and step into the water holding Kevin.

It’s fucking freezing. I don’t know how she’s out there swimming like it’s lukewarm. I can’t turn back now though, so I take a few more steps, feeling the goosebumps rise across my body. Lowering Kevin so his feet touch, I hear Nellie’s laugh ring out across the lake. Kevin’s legs immediately start moving in a swimming motion, but he’s pulled them above the water.

“That alone would be worth finding a leech.” She swims closer to us. “Want me to take him so you can get it over with?”

“Get what over with?” I ask without looking up, which takes all my effort.

“The plunge,” she says dramatically. “Once you get in past your, um…” The pause has me glancing up, thinking she’s noticed the tattoo on my chest. But instead, my eyes are on her just in time to see her tongue swipe across her lips, those dark blue eyes glued to my abs. “Middle section.”

“My eyes are up here, Nellie.” I point at my face and watch as a blush spreads up her chest to her cheeks. I want to track it with my tongue, kiss every millimeter of where the pink touches her.

She laughs. “You get those from climbing trees?”

“Among other ways,” I grin back.

She only blinks back at me and then reaches out. “I’ll take Kevin, you dive in.” Kevin swims through the air adorably, and when Nellie’s hands connect with mine I have the urge to throw the dog off to the side and pull her to me. He’d be fine; he’s got the lifejacket. Thankfully, Nellie’s got a firm grip of the dog before I’ve finished the thought.

The cool of the water enveloping me puts a quick stop to my thoughts of what I’d do once I got Nellie against me. But she was right, because of course she was; it is better once I’m submerged. The water is murky, but I can just make out Nellie’s legs from where I am. Instead of swimming back to her though, I take off in the opposite direction just to stretch my body out. The movements feel good, and within a few minutes, I’m feeling a bit more balanced than I had when I woke up.

“He’s a natural,” Nellie gushes when I return. Kevin is swimming after her as she propels herself backward.

This is the most unreserved I’ve seen her since those few minutes of total abandon in the car. Her smile is wide, and she’s laughing as the dog chases her slowly through the water. Looking around, taking in the view, I breathe deeply, and allow myself to be present. Trees, water, blue sky, a dog, and best of all, Nellie.

“Tell me,” Nellie says, handing me a mug of coffee with one hand while the other holds out a tray of maple cream cookies. “Tell me before we leave here.”

I take the coffee and wave away the cookies. “Are you sure?”

“Consider this me taking the plunge, ripping off the Band-Aid. You and I were never good at taking it slowly, anyway. Why start now with the truth?” She says it with such conviction I launch straight into the truth I promised her.

“Some of this is going to be a repeat of what I told you years ago, but I feel like I need to say it to keep things straight.”

“However you need to tell me is fine, as long as it’s the truth.”

“It is.” I take a deep breath to collect myself. I haven’t been this vulnerable in front of anyone in a while, and it feels like it carries more weight being like this in front of Nellie. “My mom had a cerebral aneurysm rupture when I was twelve.” She nods; that part she knows. “Well, when they took her into surgery that first time, they found another one, another aneurysm. They couldn’t get to it without possibly doing further damage, and because they didn’t know how much damage had been done from the first one, they didn’t want to risk it. So they waited until Mom was conscious enough to see how she was cognitively, and the surgeons gave her and my dad the options. Operate and possibly prevent a future rupture, but with the risk of her getting worse. Or leave it and basically hope it didn’t rupture. They gave her five years. Will said she’d been acting a bit different the morning she died. She clearly had a headache, but she wouldn’t admit it.”

Nellie is sitting across from me, but I can tell she is fighting with herself to stay put. If she touches me right now I’m not sure I’ll be able to finish. I’ll break.

“Everyone knew,” Isay quietly.

“Knew what?” Nellie asks, leaning forward.

“Everyone knew that there was another aneurysm that could rupture. They all walked on pins and needles, and I never realized why.”

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