Page 58 of Years in the Making

“And who knows,” Mom adds. “Maybe by then you’ll have someone in your life and you’d rather spend every minute alone with him.”

Cue my traitorous brain showing me a highlight reel of every smile Teddy has ever flashed me. I may have told him friendship was all I was willing to try, but if you took a peek into my brain you’d call me a big fat liar. It’s like a teenagebedroom plastered with posters of my crush in there. Stupid long-buried feelings.

I do my best to pretend I’m on board with the move and my initial reaction was just a blip. On the one hand, I am happy for them. I know my mom loves the heat and being close to the ocean, and my dad will be in heaven studying new birds. I catch myself rubbing my thumb over the malkoha tattoo on my arm every so often as they talk and try to remember how much fun we had over there.

I don’t cry about the news like I keep expecting to. I wait for the tears as I pull out of the driveway, and then again as I leave the town limits. When I tell Izzy, I’m surprisingly calm and unemotional about the whole thing. When I get home, I continue to wait for the tears that never come.

Teddy

Look at this!

Teddy has attached a picture of Kevin wearing a blue-and-white vest, and I melt on the spot.

Cute

I thought it may be good to have a life jacket in case we want to take him swimming at some point

I’m not sure how much time we’ll have for swimming

I put my phone face down and go through my suitcase for the tenth time since I packed. I’m sure I’ll go through it anothertwenty before I actually leave. After I close it, I head to the kitchen to figure out how much I can get out of the rest of the food in the fridge before I leave. Halfway through making a salad of random ingredients, I see Mrs. Dipietro pointing into my yard from her deck.

“That’s it,” I seethe and stomp back to my bedroom to get my phone. I don’t know what exactly I’m going to do with my phone—record her to prove she is, I don’t know, to prove she’s a nosy and obsessed with my yard? “And who do you need to prove this to, Nellie?” I ask aloud, standing in the bedroom holding my phone.

I see there is another text from Teddy.

Oh come on, you’re going to deny this face swim time?

Attached is perhaps the cutest picture of Kevin that I have seen yet.

This isn’t fair

Sure it is

It’s manipulation. You’re manipulating me with cute dog faces

Technically just the one face

Another picture comes through, and this time it’s the bottom half of Teddy’s face while Kevin is perched in his arms.

Now I’m standing in my room staring at my phone trying to remember why I even came in here in the first place. I look back at my suitcase and then at my dresser. I know there is a swimsuit at the back of the one top drawer, but I also know that I haven’t worn it in two years, and if—and that’s a big if—I decide to wear one around Teddy, it’s not going to be aforgotten swimsuit from the depths of my undergarment drawer.

Ten minutes later, the salad and my nosy neighbor are forgotten, my phone is set to silent, and I’m halfway to the mall. If I’m doing this, I’m doing it with a new suit.It’s normal to want to look hot in front of an ex-turned-maybe-friend, I tell myself while I shuffle through the rack of suits, all annoyingly regular priced because it’s the start of the season. I find a vintage-cut suit that I know will highlight the hourglass shape I’ve grown to love, and even better it’s blue and white so it kind of matches Kevin’s vest. I don’t know why that feels relevant.

Thirty minutes after the last picture from Teddy, I’m back home sitting on the couch and eating my soggy kitchen sink salad, and the swimsuit is packed along with sunscreen and a giant floppy hat. There is rarely a checkout sale that I can say no to, hence the additional things.

You’re going into any lake first to check for leeches

As you wish

Do you have everything ready?

I think so

Well if you forget anything I’m sure we can find it before we actually reach the middle of nowhere

Which is why I’m not stressed about it

Good

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