Page 30 of Years in the Making

TEDDY

One of my many secrets is that I love to cook. I’m pretty sure I got the love of it from my mom. She’s currently sitting on a stool beside me as I prepare dinner. Sometimes I catch her looking wistfully at my hands as I chop or stir, and I can’t help wondering how I’d feel if the ability to do something I loved was taken away.

I’ve made this dish so many times that I could do it in my sleep, but I still ask her questions as I go. “What do you think, rough chop or a fine dice for tonight?” I hold up the two options, and she smiles before nodding at the hand with the diced pieces.

Tonight she wants to stir, and I don’t interfere. There are some days she stays far from the kitchen, and others she wants to do as much as possible. Before everything changed, she was the type to have the radio on, dancing and singing along as she prepared dinner. She insisted that cooking for her brood was her favorite way to unwind after school. It took a long time for her to come back to the kitchen after everything. Will took over cooking most meals until Dad felt like Zoe and I were oldenough to handle the knives and gas stove. When Mom finally got back into the kitchen, it was Dad she bossed around the best she could. Her mobility has improved since then, but her verbal abilities never came back even after months of therapy.

When I’ve added the last ingredient to the pot and slide it into the oven, Mom looks at me over the top of her glasses. “What?” I know exactly what she wants to know. I swear losing certain abilities has only enhanced others, like mind reading. She is asking “Who is she?” with her eyes and a tip of her head. I don’t know how she does it and I don’t know how I know, but being able to communicate with her in any way at all is something I’ll never take for granted.

“Her name is Nellie. We met on the train after a Jays game. It’s new… but I really like her.”

Her head tips further to the left, and her eyes narrow slightly.

I roll my eyes because I knew that wouldn’t be enough information. “She just finished her second year at Ossington. She’s really smart and funny.”She’s beautiful and has this sexy demure thing going, yet takes charge like a champ. She nearly undid me against a bookshelf at the library yesterday, and I have a new appreciation for reading.I don’t say any of that, of course. Mom doesn’t need to learn just how far gone I am for Nellie, not yet anyway. “Like I said, it’s new but…” I trail off because Mom’s just nodding and looking at me with the softest goddamn eyes. She reaches out for my arm, squeezes, and sighs.

As a kid, my parents talked about their love story constantly. My mom always said, “When you know, you know, and everyone around you will know too.” I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do know that I’ve never felt this way about another person. It’s this delicious anxiety that spreads through my body whenever I think of her, and it morphs into a raging inferno when I see her. Honestly, it feels a bit like the time Iwent skydiving. A mix of exhilaration and terror that I want to experience again and again.

Dad gets home just asWheel of Fortuneends andJeopardyis starting. We’ve watched these two shows together since I was a kid. My siblings and I would take turns doing the best impressions of the contestants yelling out the letters or sharing obscure facts to introduce themselves. Zoe was particularly good at yelling out “N” in a way that would have us all howling. She did it tonight, and Mom laughed just as hard as she always has. Mom may not be able to talk, but her laugh never left.

Dad bends down to kiss Mom on the head and squeezes my shoulder as he walks to the kitchen to get his dinner.

“So,” Dad says, as he returns with his plate and sits beside Mom, “I was thinking that we’d come to your game tomorrow if that’s okay with you?”

“Yeah, that would be great. I’d love to have you both there.”

He nods, stirring his food. “We’ll drive over separately, though, so we can leave if we’re tired.” He always uses “we” in place of “your mom.”

“I totally get it. Do whatever you need to do.”

“So, will your girl be there?”

I’ve been watching the TV through this conversation, but now I can’t help but turn my head slowly towards him. He’s chewing, but a smile spreads slowly across his lips. At this moment, all I see is Will when he’s found out something that was a secret.

I swallow, and my eyes shift to my mom who is trying and failing to control her smirk. “Who told you?”

“Well, I ran into Keith yesterday on my way home from work, and he mentioned that you were a great addition to the team.” He takes another bite of food and chews for what feels like a full minute. “He just wonders if you’ll be able to make itthrough the week without making out with someone against a bookshelf.”

So this is what it feels like when your heart stops. My mind is racing through the entire encounter with Nellie. We heard them come out of the bathroom and separated before they would have seen us. I mean, they could have seen me panting and figured it out I guess. Or, they had come out, seen us then went back, and made a louder exit as a warning.

“I… we’ve been… ugh, I was on a break.” I must look like a deer caught in headlights being cross-examined, that is how I feel anyway. Dad, meanwhile, is clearly enjoying how uncomfortable I am, and I don’t doubt for a minute that Mom feels the same way.

“Relax, kid.” He laughs, reaching over to pat my knee. “You’re twenty-two. This is the time to be doing that stuff. But I would like to know if she’ll be at your game?”

Now I’m not sure I want her to be at my game. I don’t think I could handle it if she doesn’t want to deal with my family situation. Then again, wouldn’t it be better to find that out now rather than later?

“Yeah, she should be there.”

He looks at Mom, and they have one of their weird nonverbal conferences before he looks back and simply says, “Good. Now can you turn it up a bit? Alex seems to be talking quieter today.”

I may as well be alone in the room because I’ve completely zoned out. Is it too early to meet the parents? It feels too early. But I should probably tell Nellie what’s up and let her come to that conclusion on her own. If she wanted me to meet hers, I’d say yes only because it would mean more time with her.

I pull my phone out and begin texting her.

Just a heads up, my parents are coming tomorrow

I won’t be offended if you decide not to come

They’re nice but it’s early and so no pressure

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