Page 28 of Years in the Making

Um… What kind of desire are we talking about here?

Get your head out of the gutter, LG. We’re taking things slow, remember?

I wanna know what you’d love to do if given the chance to do it… something you’d be fine telling your parents about.

My current secret desires, the ones I keep under lock and key inside my mind, all involve Teddy, and because I had to go and state I wanted to take things slow, that is where they will remain for the foreseeable future. And I’m glad for that because I do want to take things slowly. He's just making it hard by being all nice and sweet, and his lips are all soft and pillowy and gloriously demanding.

“Cornelia, I’ve got a meeting tomorrow at one. Would you be able to cover the phones while I’m out?” my boss asks, walking up to the counter and not noticing that I’ve been scanning the same book for the last minute while I’m lost in thought.

“Yeah, sure, absolutely,” I stammer, putting the book on top of the to-shelve pile. The library doesn’t exactly have a busy phone line so I doubt she even needs to ask me. Sometimes I think she does this to give me a glimpse into the life of a small-town librarian. I love it here, but this isn’t what I want for my future. I don’t think it is, anyway.

When she heads back to her office, I pick my phone back out and reply.

I would love to have a mobile library. One that travels to remote areas that don’t have funding for a permanent library.

That’s really cool.

What about yours?

I watch my phone for a few minutes, but no answer comes. When a reply still hasn’t arrived by the end of the day, I send one more text before heading home.

Is it that embarrassing?

By the time I pull into the driveway at home, there is a reply and I feel the nervous bubbles in my stomach ease.

I’m so sorry I got home and showered then laid down and passed out. Hauling logs and branches all day is exhausting.

Who could have guessed?

My secret desire is to travel around the world.

Where would you start?

Probably fly to New Zealand then make my way west.

So mine is to drive a van of books about three hours away from my home and yours takes a three-day journey.

Don’t sell your desire short. You’ll share ways for people to escape their realities. Far more accessible ways.

Is that why you want to travel, to escape your reality?

Dots appear and then vanish. I can almost see him typing something then erasing it, and I can’t help wondering what he is trying to sort out. Assuming that he was hiding something seems like a good way to drive myself mad so I refuse to let my mind wander there.

Just a change of scenery for a while would be nice.

Change from what? When was the last time he had gone somewhere beyond my hometown or the city for a game? He’d commuted to university so hadn’t lived in the dorms or an apartment.

Where’s the farthest you’ve been?

When I was about 10 we drove out to British Columbia to visit my mom’s family. That’s the last time I went anywhere interesting.

So you’re long overdue.

Sure am.

In one of our late-night talks, I’d told him about trips I’d gone on as a kid. Usually they revolved around Mom or Dad’s work, but I don’t remember them actively working on any of those trips. They always did feel like a proper getaway, even if I came home with more bird experiences than anything else. I can’t imagine going so long without a real trip. But I guess if you don’t do it all the time, it’s not something you miss. Still, I want him to get the chance to explore the world, even if I have to stay here.

I’m going to turn in. Hopefully, in a few days, I’ll have a routine and won’t immediately want to go to bed when I get home.

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