Page 100 of Years in the Making

He looks nervous despite how steady his hands are. His eyes are giving him away. “What was your first instinct? Was it to say yes?”

He shakes his head slowly. “My first thought was of you. Just‘Nellie.’” My breath catches at the way he says my name like a prayer.

“I can’t factor into your decisions, Teddy. You need to do what is going to be best for you. Not me, or Bennett, you.”

Rising on his knees so he’s above me, he gently takes my face in his hands. “You’re what’s best for me, Nellie.” When I close my eyes, he pleads with me to look at him, and I do. His nervous expression has given way to determination and something softer that I can’t quite name. “Does the idea of us scare you?”

“No,” I whisper. “It should, but it feels far more right than knowing you’re out there and not with me.”

“Since December, I’ve felt…” He pauses, thinking of the right word. “Settled. Like you showed up, and that was that. I was home, even if you weren’t with me. You existing nearby made me feel like I was home. I hadn’t felt like that in so long, Nell. I’ve questioned so many choices since I left. But when it comes to you, I’ve never questioned how I feel.” He sounds like Marley. Someone is saying this about me, and I’m nearly speechless.

“And how do you feel?” I ask quietly.

“Like I could conquer anything as long as you’re by my side. Like I’ve won some grand prize I didn’t even know I was entered for. Like this was inevitable. You…you’ve had my heart since the train. It just feels like I’ve been reunited with it after a very long absence. It has a reason to beat again. It’s—” I stop his words with a kiss. I don’t need him to carry on coming up with ways to tell me how he feels without saying the words everyone focuses on. I don’t even need them, just the fact he wants my input tells me where I stand.

I draw back slowly. “I think you should say yes.”

THIRTY-NINE

TEDDY

I can feel the panic begin at the base of my spine.I think you should say yes.I told myself it was too fast, things may have heated up quickly physically between us, but that doesn’t mean she’s ready for more. I’ve done this to myself, again.

“Midge brought me some interesting information today,” Nellie says, although it sounds like I’m underwater and she’s speaking to me from above. “Teddy?”

She grabs my hand to stop me from fidgeting, my thumb no longer able to spin my ring. “Sorry?”

“I said, Midge brought some interesting information to me today. About a library application she submitted to the regional council. Marmot Point has received funding for a proper library. It would serve not just Marmot Point, but the surrounding communities with a mobile unit. I don’t know all the details yet, but Three Rivers University is one of the partners.” I don’t know why she’s telling me this. Maybe she thinks I’ll be happy to know that if I stay, I’ll have easier access to books. “She suggested I stick around to help them.”

“Wait.” I give my head a shake. “We were both offered opportunities up here on the same day?”

Nellie tilts her head, grinning at me. “I think these Marmotans have been trying to play matchmaker since the day we got here. But what do you think? Should I take the role? At least to help them get started?”

“You’re asking if you should take a job that’s about half an hour from where I’ll be living? Is that a question you don’t already know the answer to?” I ask.

“I hate assumptions,” she replies. “I’m still trying to work through some feelings, and I don’t know if this is all just”—she looks off into the distance, the lines on her forehead deepening slightly as she searches for the right word—“a phase,” she finally says.

“A phase? This?” I gesture between the two of us, and she nods. “Did anything I just say sound like something someone says in a phase.” I grab her hand and place it on my chest. “This beats for you. Nellie. Nellie. Nellie.” She laughs, her fingers curling in my shirt.

“Not Library Girl?”

“Too many syllables. I think it would be considered a very irregular heartbeat.” She laughs harder, the force of it causing me to join in. “We officially have a week left here. If you decide it’s not what you want, we go home and never come back. If it is what you want, we go home and get things settled so we can come back together.”

“Together,” she mouths, the sound barely reaching my ears.

“So what exactly would you be doing?” I ask Nellie, who is sitting across from me on the floor of the bunkie.

She draws patterns in the smear of hummus on her plate with a carrot. “Honestly, Midge just gave me a very basic overview. But it sounded like a nice change from what I’m currently doing. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy working in an academic environment, but I’ve done it my entire working life. Being here has reminded me of my summer job at the library. Getting to work with kids and adults who want to read. People who yearn for a good book.” She drops the carrot and looks up at me. “I don’t think it’s something I want to do forever. I don’t see myself up here for years on end. But being part of something from the ground up would be pretty cool.”

“What about your parents? What do you think they’d say about you changing jobs?”

Nellie winces. “I don’t know. They’ve always been the type of people to encourage dreams. But they will also question walking away from a pretty stable, well-paying job. I’ll have to have my arguments well-constructed before I talk to them. I’m an adult and can do whatever the hell I want, but…”

“You don’t want to disappoint them,” I suggest.

“Exactly.”

“You haven’t talked much about them moving away. You doing okay with that?”

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