Page 9 of Taught By the Mountain Man

Enough for now.

“Take all the time you need, Star,” I say, my voice rough with emotion. “I’m not going anywhere.”

And I mean it. Somehow, something shifted within me tonight, and my world now orbits hers.

Star

Ilied to Barrow.

I said I wasn't ready to jump into anything, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. In spite of everything — my past, my fears — I want to jump feet first into a life with him at my side. I know it’s crazy. But I can’t deny how I feel.

Sitting on the couch in my apartment, I stare at my phone, fingers hovering over the keyboard. My heart races — part excitement, part panic.

I’m not the type to open up easily, especially about something so raw, so real as how I feel about Barrow. But I need to talk. I need someone who won’t judge me, someone who will understand the mess of emotions swirling inside me.

I think of Becki.

Becki works at Plump Produce, the small grocery store in town. She’s one of the few people from high school who never joined in on the teasing or the rumors.

We weren’t best friends — she’s a few years younger, and we didn’t exactly run in the same circles. But she was always kind to me. We shared a few quiet moments in the halls, an understanding glance, a smile when the rest of the world seemed to turn away.

Becki was never part of the cruelty.

Maybe she wouldn’t judge me now, either.

I open a new message and start typing.

Hey, Becki. I know it’s late, but I need to talk. Actually, it’s about someone. I went to the dance tonight…with Barrow.

I hesitate for a moment, staring at the message. Should I even send it? But then I hit send. My heart thuds in my chest as I set the phone down, staring at the empty space in front of me, waiting.

The reply comes faster than I expect. Becki’s always quick with her texts.

You went to the dance with Barrow? Oh my God, is this the same Barrow I’ve heard Ruby talking about? The teacher guy?

Okay, maybe Becki wasn’t part of the gossip in high school, but she’s certainly caught up on Ruby’s. A dry laugh escapes me, but my chest warms. It’s easier to type out what I’m feeling to Becki than to say it aloud.

It feels safer in text, where I can control the words, control the pace. No need to look into anyone’s eyes and try to make sense of the jumble of thoughts and emotions swirling inside my head.

Yeah, the same Barrow. I’ve seen him at the Snowpack a bunch, but tonight…it was different. We went for a walk after the dance. He said all these things to me, things that made me feel…I don’t know. I guess I just want to be open with him, but it’s so hard.

I read over the message before sending it, biting my lip. The knot in my chest tightens. I’m opening up, and it terrifies me. But I need someone to understand. Someone who won’t make me feel stupid.

The reply comes quickly.

Okay, now you’ve got me curious. Tell me everything. What’s going on with you two?

I let out a shaky breath and start typing again, my fingers flying over the keys.

I think I’m falling for him, Becki. And I know that sounds crazy. I’ve never trusted anyone like this before. But Barrow—he’s different. He sees me, not the things people have said about me or the mistakes I’ve made. I can’t help the way I feel. But I’m scared. I don’t know how to trust him, even though he’s already shown me more kindness than any man has in a long damn time.

I stare at the words, biting my lip. My heart hammers in my chest, the anxiety swirling in the pit of my stomach. But as soon as I hit send, it’s out there. The vulnerability, the truth.

A minute passes. Then two. My fingers hover over my phone, unsure whether I should read Becki’s response, afraid of what she might say. Finally, it comes through.

Star, Becki’s message begins.I get it. I really do. I remember how you were with all those guys in high school, how they turned everything you did into something to mock you for. I know it hurt. And it makes sense that you’re cautious, that you want to hold back. But listen to me when I say this: not every guy is like that. There are men out there who will see you for who you are. Who will treat you with respect. I think Barrow is one of them.

I read her words, over and over again, and for the first time in a long time, I let myself believe them. I let myself imagine a future where I’m not defined by the mistakes of my past, where I’m not always looking over my shoulder, waiting for the next betrayal.

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