Page 78 of The Rancher's Wedding

Estelle returned to the house and walked up to her room, placing the necklace on her desk before she laid in her bed, staring at the ceiling. She let her inner thoughts consume her.

To her, the worst part of the situation was that the last chance she had to spend with Michael, which would end up being the final memory she ever had of him, would be of him mad at her. She’d live the rest of her life believing that he hated her because she wouldn’t have the chance to fully apologize, nor would he be able to tell her that he forgave her.

And that was likely because he wouldn’t forgive her and Estelle didn’t blame him.

She began to cry in bed, feeling even worse than she had before she had left, before she had any hope. This was a cruel bit of irony: for her to experience just a tiny taste of joy in her escape before she lost it for good and, as an added measure, knowing the only man she could ever love now hated her.

Estelle wasn’t one to pray nightly, or even much at all, but she closed her eyes and sent her thoughts straight to God, begging for him to allow Michael to forgive her and let her have just one last kiss to remember him by before he left.

And yet, was it worth the risk? What if, instead of kissing her goodbye, Michael told her he wished he’d never met her? Perhaps it would be best if she just left on her own.

She dragged herself out of bed and fetched the suitcase out of the closet, the same one she arrived in. Her clothes were hung and she looked at them one at a time, wondering which should even take with her.

The answer was it didn’t matter. Whatever she wanted, materially, would be hers when she returned to Pennsylvania. She could have any article of clothing her heart desired, all she had to do was ask. All the same, she put three changes of clothing — the first three outfits she pulled out without even looking — for the ride home.

It would be best to pack light.

There wasn’t anything left to take, though she looked at the desk and the box with the necklace on it. Michael had bought her that gift and she opened the box to take another look at the silver-chained gemstone. It truly was beautiful. Of course, Ethan and her father would buy her more expensive jewelry, but she wouldn’t love them nearly as much as this piece, since it came from Michael.

She stared at it. Should she take it?

On the one hand, she could take it with her to always have something to remind herself of Michael.

On the other hand, it may just remind her of this day, the day she had to leave him behind.

But perhaps there would be a day not too long in the future where she’d look back on this day with some kind of fondness as, though it was her worst day with Michael, she suspected that it would be better than any day she was forced to endure life with Ethan.

She would have to keep the necklace a secret. If Ethan ever discovered where it came from, he’d likely take it from her. He was a jealous man, from what Estelle could gather about him. She never felt like the object of his desire in any sense more than he desired to own her. He didn’t come all the way out to Utah because he loved her. He came because his property had been stolen.

The necklace would remain a sign that she didn’t fully belong to Ethan. Though he would have her in his presence, her heart would remain at Holden Ranch.

Would Michael be upset that she took the necklace with her? Perhaps. He spent a good amount of money on it, she was sure, but he had given it to her as a gift and she had accepted it into her hands. It was no longer his to take back. And if he knew that it was her way of remembering him, he would understand. At least she hoped he would.

She placed the necklace into the suitcase below one of the outfits, in an effort to keep it hidden between the layers of silk so nobody would find it. Then she closed the suitcase and walked down the stairs and out the door.

Looking at the ranch, with the sheep and cows out grazing, and the stable off in the distance where Orion stayed, and the fertile ground with the crops, everything made her feel sad. She knew that soon this would all only exist in her memory and soon fade with the passage of time, as all memories do. She kicked a small rock on the dirt, thinking that no matter how she tried, she’d never be able to remember every stone that made up this magical place. It was impossible.

Estelle returned to the stables to say goodbye to Orion, but he was gone. Michael must have taken him for a ride to get away from her. She could say goodbye to Buttercup all the same.

Buttercup stood in the corner stable and Estelle walked over to her, grabbing a carrot from a nearby basket.

“Here you go,” she said, feeding it to the horse, sighing to herself. Buttercup looked happy to be getting the carrot as Estelle pet her on the nose. Part of Estelle wished she could explain what was going on to Buttercup, but perhaps it was for the best. She got to be happy in this moment and witnessing the horse’s happiness brought a little warmth to Estelle’s heart when she needed it the most.

“Thank you,” she said. Buttercup was just being a horse, but sometimes that was enough to make somebody feel better.

Buttercup made short work of the carrot so Estelle gave her another, which she also ate quickly. Then Estelle kissed the horse, wishing she had gotten to know her better, before heading over to Jacob’s cabin to say goodbye and tell him that he was right: She should have told Michael about her past long ago.

When Jacob opened the door, Estelle could see in his face that he already knew.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“For what?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. All I know is this whole thing is a mess and I must’ve played some part in it.”

Estelle responded with the softest of smiles. “This is all because of me, Jacob. It has nothing to do with you or Michael.”

“I could have told him for you,” he said.

---