Page 64 of The Rancher's Wedding

“Well, Estelle, it’s kind of what you might call a conditional plan. I’ve been thinking a lot over the past few weeks and I’m a bit scared to tell you what I’ve been thinking.”

The fear shot back into her face. “What do you mean?”

“Oh,” Michael said, “nothing bad. Just… scary. For me.”

He looked at her, trying to gauge how she felt at this moment, but there were too many emotions going on at once. Did she feel the same way he did? It certainly felt as though she did, but he wondered if that was all in his head.

“I don’t want to be jerking you ‘round left and right with this, so I’ll just try and get it all out. Sorry if the words aren’t exactly right.”

He took in a deep breath and continued.

“So here goes: When I sent out that advertisement for…” he paused, considering how he would say it, “...well, I guess it was for you, though I didn’t know it yet. When I sent that out, I wasn’t expecting too much in the way of a response. My best hope was someone who I could spend the days with and talk to so I didn’t get lonely out in the fields.”

“Have I not been doing that?” Estelle asked.

“Oh, you’ve been doing that. The problem, if you could call it that, is you’ve been doing more. See, I wasn’t looking to…” He didn’t know if he should say it. It was the moment of truth. He closed his eyes and let it come out. “...love her.” He opened his eyes again and looked at her reaction. Was it surprise on her face? Embarrassment? Joy? Excitement? He couldn’t tell. It could have been some of them, all of them, or none of them.

Michael cleared his throat. “But it turns out, I think I do.” Still no readable response. It looked as though he was going to have to wait for her words. “And I’m hoping she feels the same way.”

He’d reached the end of what he wanted to say, but she didn’t answer quickly enough for his taste, so he kept on talking, nervous as he was.

“And so that’s the conditional. If you think you love me just like I’m pretty confident I love you, well, then I was thinking we could have a nice romantic evening together. If not, then I suppose, I’ll just head off on my own somewhere for the night.”

Her mouth didn’t move. Perhaps she was considering what he said and how she could respond. Or, perhaps she was searching for the words that would hurt him the least.

“So,” he asked, “do you think you might love me, too?”

Her face changed at the prospect of an actual question that required an answer from her.

Her lips pursed as she began to speak and, in that instant, Michael’s heart experienced all the ups and downs that came from considering all her possible answers:

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, I absolutely do!”

“I might, but I’m not sure.”

“Perhaps, though I doubt it.”

“Not at all.”

And then, perhaps the worst possible answer of all, which would be dead silence followed by her ignoring the question. Whatever the answer would be, Michael wanted to hear it, even if it was bad. Uncertainty wasn’t fair to his heart, not after he had revealed his feelings to her.

Before the words came out, though, Estelle’s face finally revealed her feelings. Her cheeks raised in a grin as her eyes lifted with a shimmer that could only come from her loving him.

Then she looked down, embarrassed, shy, perhaps even a tad coy. Michael thought it would be easier for her to respond once he said something, but she still struggled. It was difficult to reveal your feelings for someone and exposing yourself, putting it out in the open like this.

“I’ve been thinking this over for several days now as well, Michael,” she said. “And it frightened me so that you might not feel the same. But, yes, in so much as I can tell, I do love you. And I want to be with you. This is the life I want.”

Fireworks went off in Michael’s heart, just like those he saw at the fair the other night. The feelings overwhelmed him and he didn’t know what to do with them. He was covered with mud and so he’d kept his distance, but at this moment, he didn’t care. He wrapped his arms around Estelle and kissed her, with the sunset shining into the side of his eyes. Her clothes could be cleaned or, if necessary, completely replaced. This moment was too important for him to worry about what happened to the white blouse she wore.

The kiss filled Michael with warmth and sent a chill down his spine at the same time. He’d been lonely for so long and knew what that felt like. This was the exact opposite. It was as if God answered a prayer that he wouldn’t even dare say out loud.

They’d been married now for more than two months, legally speaking. But this was the instant where he and Estelle married emotionally. It was the moment where he realized that she wasn’t just a person who would serve a role in his life. No, she was the person who would give his life meaning.

Michael released from the kiss and looked her in the eye. “Let’s go back to the house and get changed. I have a bottle of wine we can share and some salted bison and deer meats I’ve been saving for something special like this. How’s that sound?”

“I think it sounds perfect.”

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