Page 35 of The Rancher's Wedding

One thing that Michael enjoyed seeing was that Estelle still hadn’t lost the joy of riding Orion. Their bond had only become greater over the past several days and she was excited for another day of riding, though Michael told her that this day’s ride wouldn’t be like the previous one.

“Why not?” Estelle asked.

“I got a place in mind to go to.”

“Where?”

Michael sighed. “The old ranch. The one me and Jacob were at before this one.”

Estelle didn’t respond to that. Her silence suggested that, at least on some level, she understood.

“This is going to be tough but, I think, if you’re going to be married to me, it’s a place you’re going to need to see for yourself.”

They trotted along in relative silence. Just like with the snake bite, Michael wanted to hurry it along and get there as soon as possible so he could do what he needed to do and head back home, never to return.

At the same time, there was something terrifying about actually arriving there and having to say the words and explain everything. He didn’t want to think of it, and he didn’t want to prepare. When they arrived, he believed, he’d find the words. Then again, maybe he wouldn’t need to. Maybe just seeing what was left of everything would speak for itself.

When they arrived, the sun hadn’t quite made it directly overhead yet, though it was close enough that shadows were thin and spare across the sand. The same could be said of the ranch itself. What used to be a fully functioning, organized farm was now reduced to a few lonely walls and several unconnected fence posts, all charred and so brittle that a gentle touch could break them apart. The ranch’s distance from the town square, away from human contact, was the only thing that prevented the removal of the leftover pieces of this relic and, along with them, the last evidence of Michael’s past.

It wasn’t just the structure of the building remaining. Some furniture and mementos had survived, as well. There was the rocking chair where Michael’s father would read the paper and smoke his pipe, though it was lying sideways on the ground and one of the legs had broken off. Assorted china littered the floor, broken, along with the cast iron stove, perhaps the only item remaining completely intact.

Michael looked over at Estelle, who sat atop Orion, her mouth agape.

“There was a fire,” he said.

“I see that.”

He pointed over at a piece of a wall, still standing behind a small pile of debris.

“That there was our barn. I ended up letting the horses free, same with all the animals. Some of them ran off, like the chickens and the hogs, but Orion came back.” He patted his horse. “Buttercup, too.”

“What happened? How did a fire even start all the way out here?”

He was going to have to explain it, after all. His voice felt shaky, but they had ridden all the way out here so he might as well tell the story. She had to know what happened if she was going to know him at all. “There was a storm out over yonder, the first one in months. We didn’t get the rain here, though. Not much, anyway. What we got here was the lightning.

“I’m still not sure exactly where it struck, but I can tell you it was louder than any gun I ever fired and so bright that, for less than the blink of an eye, it looked like daytime. Brighter, even. It started a fire, and it was so dry out here that it spread through the brush and wood and hay. There was no stopping it. I made a mistake—I went to save the animals before I checked on my family. I figured Ma, Pa, and Jacob would be able to fend for themselves.”

Michael shook his head. “I slept downstairs, whereas everyone else was upstairs. It turns out that it’s a lot easier to escape from the ground floor. They were trapped up there by the flames and the smoke. I ran back inside and told Jacob to climb down and I’d catch him, but he couldn’t climb. The smoke was so bad he couldn’t manage to hold his own weight. So, I just had him fall down, and I caught him and carried him out. By the time we got to safety, it was just too hot and too smoky, and I was too out of breath to go back in for my parents.

“Every night since then, I look back in my mind and wonder if I could have made it. It would have just taken a minute or two, and I could have saved them.”

Estelle frowned. “Or you could have ended up killing yourself.”

“Or that,” Michael said.

She rode up next to him and touched his arm. “You saved Jacob,” she said. “Focus on the man you saved instead of the people you couldn’t.”

“Yeah, I saved Jacob, but if you ask him, I should have just let him burn. Every day, he lives his life feeling like I traded our parents’ lives for his, and that’s not how it was. He was just the first person I grabbed.”

He wondered whom he would have grabbed, given the choice, but he wouldn’t have wanted to have to choose. Hecouldn’thave chosen.

“I just wish I had checked on all of them before running off to save the animals.”

They sat on their horses, looking at the debris. It was as lifeless as anything else in the desert, fitting in as well as all the cacti and boulders. The only thing that made it different was the memories and, if Michael was going to be honest, the memories sitting in his head couldn't prepare him for how he felt right now looking at it. Actually being there added vivid details to his memories that he wished he had forgotten. The screams he’d heard that night were now back in his head as if coming through his ears at that moment, and he felt the radiating heat from the house that had long since been extinguished by the storm.

Michael had come and shown Estelle the house and even told her what had happened to the best of his ability. He did it because he felt it was important, but it was too much. He turned around to head back to the house and Estelle followed right behind him, silently.

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