Page 33 of The Rancher's Wedding

No, he thought.Stop that.He knew she didn’t think of him that way and it was cruel for him to taunt himself with an impossibility.

He was lucky to have her in his life in any way, shape, or form. It was the same thing with the livestock and the crops—he could have wasted time wishing for what could have been, but instead, he chose to be grateful for what he had.

Still, even as just a ranch partner, he wanted to know more about her. Was she, in fact, keeping a secret from him? Was she everything she said she was?

His gut was telling him there was something she wasn’t saying, and his gut had a solid track record for leading him in the right direction.

Chapter Twelve

Estelle and Michael had taken the horses out far enough from the ranch so that everywhere they looked, in every direction, it was all nature. The desert surrounded them, with its surprising lush flora and, if she looked long enough, she could see some animals, too. It was mostly lizards, but there were also some squirrels and rabbits, though they tended to avoid staying out in the sun on warmer days like this one.

It was relaxing and something that she wanted to make a habit of with Michael, on days where they didn’t need to do much ranch work. The two of them fell into a gentle rhythm with their conversation where they allowed little pauses to stretch out without feeling any obligation to fill them with empty chatter. There was a word for this feeling, Estelle knew, though she hadn’t actually felt it with anybody else—not even Megan. That word was comfort.

This feeling allowed words to present themselves. Like when Estelle found herself saying, “I like this,” it wasn’t in response to anything. It was pure communication.

And when he said, “So do I,” in return, it wasn’t because she had asked for a response. She knew that he felt it, too, and the two of them were sharing an experience together.

It was in this ease and unforced honesty that Michael expressed himself out of the blue, saying, “I miss my brother.”

He paused for a moment and Estelle took that opportunity to take the thought in. What did he mean by that? His brother was just back at the ranch. They could have invited him to join them.

Estelle sensed that perhaps this literal meaning wasn’t what was going through his head, though. Rather than ask, she let him continue the thought at his own pace.

By the clock, it may have been two whole minutes before he did, as he was mulling the thought over in his mind.

“He and I used to be really close,” Michael said. “I don’t just mean because we were brothers, either. We were the best of friends—we’d do everything together.”

They continued aimlessly down the trail as he continued. “I want to let you know what happened,” Michael said. “I want to tell you everything. And I will. The problem is that I don’t much understand it myself.”

“I’m sure you’ll let me know when you’re ready.”

“I will,” Michael assured her, “I promise you that. But in the meantime, just know that, without my brother—I mean, the brother I remember—I’m not really fully myself. It’s like I’m missing part of who I am without him.”

He shook his head and patted some dust off of his jeans.

“Maybe that don’t make a lot of sense to you,” he said. “But I’m trying. I’m really trying to make things right between the two of us.”

Estelle saw that Michael was hurting. And, to her, part of the issue was obvious, but she wasn’t sure she could tell Michael without making things worse. However, in the spirit of the comfort they’d developed together, she felt she had to at least try to let him know.

“The way it seems to me,” Estelle said, “is that maybe that’s the problem.”

“How do you mean?”

“Maybe you’re trying too hard. Maybe, by constantly trying to make things right, you’re pushing him away. Whatever it is that’s going on with him, I think he needs to figure it out for himself. He probably misses you, too.”

“Then why doesn’t he just get over it?” His response was terse, breaking the spell of the gentle comfort. There was more than a hint of anger in his voice and Michael immediately pulled back after he said it.

Estelle ignored the tone and answered the question. “Because I don’t think you’re the person you used to be, either. Every time you interact, you’re trying too hard to make everything right between the two of you. Is that how you acted back when you were close?”

He thought about it for a while, careful to consider the idea instead of letting his anger spit out an answer for him.

“I suppose not,” he admitted.

“Allow him some distance,” Estelle suggested. “He’ll come back around. He’s a good man, and so are you.”

“I hope you’re right.”

The sun was getting low in the sky and the two of them turned back toward the ranch, not wanting to be lost too far away from the comfort of home when it got dark and the air gained its sharp desert night chill.

---