Page 57 of All's Hell That Ends Well

Pressing my lips together to keep from grinning, I went on, “What I’m saying is that it’s understandable that you didn’t see her side in that moment because you were coming from a placeof anger and hurt, and you were in a confrontational mindset rather than a listening one.”

The slightest smile touched his lips. “Look at you using therapist speak on me.”

I shrugged. “You’re one to talk. You’ve been doing that to me since the start. I just picked up some pointers.”

“Fair enough.” His eyes danced. “Also, that’s a good demon trait—analyzing how someone ticks. All the better to make deals with humans and torture damned souls.”

I reared back, then poked a finger in his chest. “I will never do that!”

Just the thought of having to torture a soul turned my stomach.

He grabbed my hand and placed a kiss on my wrist. “Good thing you’re too high of rank to ever be put to those tasks.”

I heaved a sigh of relief. “Okay, anyway. About Naamah, I think, when you look at what she said, she really did everything in her power to make this easier for us. If Lucifer was really hell-bent on getting me under his control, then not even Naamah would have been able to deter him from that. I think the only person capable of that would have been Lilith, and, well…her not being there to talk him down from the ledge is exactly the reason he’s on that ledge in the first place, right? Naamah has a good deal of influence over him, but like she said, it has its limits. So, when you look at it from that angle, Naamah was put into an impossible situation, the fallout of which she tried to mitigate as much as she could.”

Azazel’s gaze was unfocused as he looked past me, the whirl of emotions echoing over from him telling me he was digesting what I had pointed out.

“I mean,” I continued after a moment, “I can see what she means by this being the best option. Every other scenario would have seen us separated longer, you waging war against Lucifer toget me back, or Lucifer bringing the might of Hell down on you for not giving me up. I’ve seen him and talked to him about this whole mission. I know firsthand how desperate and determined he is to find Lilith, and I don’t have a single doubt that he would have waded through seas of blood in order to get to me so he could use me to find her. He is not rational about this. He is all out of fucks and has no patience left.”

“I know,” he muttered, his eyes dark.

“And she’s also right that you would not have been rational about me,” I said softly. “You know that, too, don’t you?”

He heaved a mighty sigh, slumping against the pillow, his gaze on the canopy of the bed. “I do.”

“I know this is hard, but when you look beyond all the anger and hurt, there is actually reason for what she did. I mean, I was so mad at her. So, so angry. And I felt betrayed, too. So it’s not like I’m not coming from a place of prejudgment here, but those emotions were born of a lack of information. I had no idea what she was planning, what she was working on behind the scenes, and while I wish she would have told me, or you, I get why she didn’t. The execution of that plan hinged on neither one of us knowing, because she knew us well enough that she couldn’t be sure we wouldn’t try to fuck this up somehow.”

He scratched at a loose thread of the sheets, his face set in grim lines. “I definitely would have.”

“Which is why she didn’t tell you. And she didn’t tell me once I’d regained my memories because she probably feared I’d spill the beans to you. And she wouldn’t have been wrong.” I rubbed my nose and grimaced.

“Right.” He speared his fingers through his hair, mussing the shiny black strands up in the most delicious way. “You’re right.”

I hadn’t been aware of how much tension my shoulders held until it loosened all at once. My next exhale released even more. “I’m glad you see it that way.”

He mussed his hair up even further. “Azmodea said much the same thing. And I’ve been mulling it over ever since. So this is…more confirmation of what I’ve been coming to see already.”

“Oh, that’s good.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed, infinitely grateful he had his sister to talk to when I couldn’t. After all, I’d been busy playing GPS tracker on Earth the past few weeks.

“There’s more, though,” I added, ducking my head.

He raised a brow. “Not done setting me straight, are you?”

“?’Fraid not.” I made small circles on his chest. “When you got mad at Naamah for still sticking by Lucifer and not choosing you at the expense of him…you were being just a tad hypocritical.”

An echo of faint hurt pinged over from him. His eyes darkening, he gave me his undivided attention. “Tell me.”

I focused on tracing the lines of his collarbones. “Well, you want and expect her to put you first, before anyone else, to act and make decisions only in your favor…when you yourself once told me you wouldn’t put her first.” I raised my eyes and met his gaze, holding it despite the intensity of that contact, despite the depth of emotions rolling through me. “Because you’ll always putmefirst. Wasn’t that what you told me? When I came back from Lucifer after I’d surrendered myself to him to take away his leverage over you, so you could then demand to see your mom, you said that you’d put me above anyone else, even your own well-being, even your mother.”

His eyes flashed as he held my gaze.

“And now you demand of her to give you priority over anyone else when you won’t return the sentiment. That’s not fair.”

More storm clouds in his changing eyes. After a moment, he let his head fall back against the pillow, his brows drawn together. The emotions rolling over from him were a hot tangle I couldn’t quite parse, yet one stood out—regret.

I twined my fingers with his. “From what you told me, you pretty much broke ties with her over this.” I hesitated, then asked, “Is that still what you want?”

The muscles in his throat worked as he swallowed. “No,” he said quietly. “But I don’t know how to reconcile her love for me with her love for Lucifer.”

---